Hello. My mother has been in and out of the hospital for over a year now. She has been getting worse. She is not longer able to take care of herself. She falls a lot and has trouble with the basic ADLs (activities of daily living). My father is a Veteran and we are trying to find out if they will be able to help. Does anyone know? Everything we have been reading is for surviving spouses. My dad has not passed. My mom is refusing to go in to a nursing home, or assisted living. To be honest with you, not sure how they would pay for that. My two brothers have been taking care of them in the house but they are getting burnt out. I do not live in the same state but I do come one to two weekends a month to give them a break. Can anyone please give me suggestions? Thanks

I concur that talking to a local, state, or VA hospital Veteran's rep is the best way to go, although you could also contact the VFW or American Legion.   I got advice from the former, a very, very knowledgeable individual, who took time even though she was through work that day, just to spend some time with us and basically explain certain issues.

Then we went to the local County VA office and a rep completed and filed the qualification forms for us.    You would need your husband's DD 214 though, and some other documents but I've forgotten which ones now.

VFW and AL as well as VA reps provide free advice.   There are attorneys (and financial counselors who work with an attorney) who  provide advice, but it's not free (which is inconsistent with a federal statute).

I also get updated VA notifications via e-mail.   Post back if you're interested and I'll look up the contact information to get started.  I learn a lot just from skimming their e-mail updates.
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Reply to GardenArtist

Darcorgie, I suggest you call the state veterans service office in the state your parents live to find out if your parents may be eligible for some federal VA assistance. The nearest federal VA regional office can also answer this question, but I found at least in my state that the state veterans service office was sometimes a more helpful advocate for my WWII dad. The VA pension eligibility rules have changed in the past couple of years, but based on what you've said I think your parents may be eligible for at least some assistance. For starters, if you haven't already found the VA pension website, here it is: Best wishes.
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Reply to bicycler

My dad served during the Korean Conflict. He applied for VA Aid and Attendance and was declined based on income. He had a pension and SS, no investments or other income or money. The only help he received through the VA was hearing aids. You’ll have to go through their application process to see if help from them is possible.
My mother was in a nursing home and after her long term care insurance ran out, she qualified for Medicaid to pay for her care. It made no difference in her care and my father's income was untouched.
Your parents are like many represented here. They have the illusion that they’re handling life at home because family is propping things up and helping. Your family will have to decide how long this is doable. It’s hard, I’ve been there and wish you the best in figuring it all out
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Reply to Daughterof1930

To get Aid and Attendance Dad had to have been in the service during wartime. For his age that would be Korea or Viet Nam.
Your County should have a VA department where you can talk to someone. Have Dads discharge papers available when you talk to the rep. If he didn't serve during wartime, she may not be entitled to anything. But until u talk to someone you won't know.
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Reply to JoAnn29

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