My mother has canceled her debit card I use to buy her groceries and has accused me of theft. She has dementia. What do I do?

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My mother has canceled her debit card I use to buy her groceries and has accused me of theft. She has dementia. What do I do?

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I’m not on her checking account and can not be added because she has no ID as she let her driver's license lapse. I can not get a Ga ID as she has no birth certificate and one can not be obtained. She was born at home and has never had a birth certificate.
At this point I do not want to be her provider and don’t feel she is safe to live alone. She has Medicare Advantage and is eligible for VA benefits.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Family Caregiver

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I would back off and let her figure it out. And I would not involve APS at this time. She can hire a service to do her food shopping or she can order on line and it delivered. There are services like Visiting Angels that she can hire to help her inside of her home. She can Uber or cab if she wants to go somewhere. Give her some time to realize that she cannot handle this on her own and then go from there.

I've learned in dealing with stubborn seniors that it is best to just let them be and patiently wait for the next shoe to drop. Good Luck!

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I don't use a debit card. But I know the money is deducted from your bank account. So any transactions should be on her statement. Does the statement show how the card was used? Like $200 used at Acme? If so, this is proof that you bought groceries. Her statement should be pretty constant. Electric, gas, rent/mortgage ect.

Anyone who is familiar with Dementia should be aware that people suffering from it are paranoid.

I agree with Tacy, maybe hold back on APS until u find out where u stand. Maybe consult with a lawyer.

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The transaction will show where the card was used. Not what it was spent on. So i wouldn’t say it’s proof of much because a $100 transaction at the grocery store could have been $20 worth of food and $80 cashback that went in to OPs pocket. Or it could have been for the purchase of giftcards. The fact the statement says $60 ACME doesn’t prove it was spent on food for mom. I am not at all saying that’s what OP did, just trying to explain why the Transactions on the bank statement aren’t exactly proof. Receipts show how the card was used. Statements show where it was used. OP needs receipts.

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APS = Adult Protective Services. This is usually part of the Dept of Health and Human Services for each state (which is where social workers are centered from). You will need to contact APS from the county that you mom lives in. Once they are alerted they will check on her and she will be on their radar. If they deem it necessary they will pursue guardianship. They would certainly welcome any information you provide to them about her. I did this with my in-laws and worked very closely with their office. They are concerned about her best interests. They will find a NH placement for her and she will receive medical attention, care and safety where they put her (and you will no longer have any control over any decisions, but can carry on your personal relationship as you choose).

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Thank you, I will check into this!

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Call APS and let them sort it out.

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What is APS?

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My mother has canceled her debit card I use to buy her groceries and has accused me of theft. She has dementia. What do I do?

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