My mother has begun to have screaming tantrums when it is time to have her diaper changed. Any suggestions?

I've had many homecare clients who would go into a rip-roaring tantrum about having their diaper changed. When it came to personal hygiene work like showering, washing up, wiping them, or changing the diapers, I am always very careful to never say things like, 'I have to change you now'. I always leave the 'I' out because it gives the person needing the diaper change a sense of control in the situation too. Like the two of you are getting this done together and that it can't get done without the client's help. When there would be fussiness starting up about changing a diaper I always just speak plainly. 'It smells like sh** in here. We need to go and get cleaned up now'. This always worked for me when the client is generally being ornery and fussy about getting changed. There has to be a different approach when they're being aggressive and they're having a real tantrum. Sometimes you have to give them a drill sergeant yell in their face. This will immediately put the brakes on any tantrum about getting changed. It sounds harsh and it is, but leaving someone sitting in their own mess is by far more harsh and cruel. A yell in the face and a bit of a scare is a lot easier to recover from then skin breakdown, sores, and urinary tract infections that will happen when a person is incontinent and not cleaned up and changed immediately. When you're the aide in a client's house alone and their ass needs wiping or their diaper needs changing there is no place for someone who is emotionally fragile. Sometimes it is literally a battle to get the job done. I've been called every name in the book from A to Z by clients not wanting to get changed or cleaned up. I've had clients try to hit, kick, and even try to bite me when it came time for hygiene care. Only the first few times going to a new job. When I became familiar to a client the really bad tantrums would stop because they knew one way or the other, that diaper was getting changed and they were getting washed up. The swearing and name-calling would still go on, but not as much. I had one client and old woman who was the meanest, most vicious person you could imagine. She'd really rip into me when it was time to for a diaper change. I'd give it right back to her. It got to a point when the swearing and name-calling between us actually turned into a sort of comedy routine and we'd both be laughing like hell. You have to do what it takes to get the sensitive work done, but you cannot be sensitive yourself in getting it done.

first GOD Bless U for CARING!!!! 2nd ask the one GREAT aide to show the others how to do it!!!!!!!! Also find a treat ice cream ,,,,,,,that your mom loves and after changing the diaper she gets the TREAT! BE VERY VERY CAREFUL OF YOUR MOM GETTING SEPSIS FROM NOT GETTING THE CHANGING IMMEDIATELY!!!! That killed my mother!!!!

My elderly aunt who was in my care tried getting her way by fussing about diaper changes. The nurses were very upset with her and she was throwing everything within reach at them. So, I took a different approach. I made humorous comments, got her laughing and she finally gave in.
I said, well, I guess you like sitting in your smelly pants! Then I made up a song (a little ditty) about it and sang it over and over again until she was singing it. "Here I sit, attracting ants while sitting in my smelly pants". I had my aunt laughing so hard, she could not be angry. The nurses were in disbelief as they returned to her room. She then allowed them to clean her up and change her. The nurses used that technique over and over again and there were no more problems changing her diaper.

My elderly aunt who was in my care tried getting her way by fussing about diaper changes. The nurses were very upset with her and she was throwing everything within reach at them. So, I took a different approach. I made humorous comments, got her laughing and she finally gave in.
I said, well, I guess you like sitting in your smelly pants! Then I made up a song (a little ditty) about it and sang it over and over again until she was singing it. "Here I sit, attracting ants while sitting in my smelly pants". I had my aunt laughing so hard, she could not be angry. The nurses were in disbelief as they returned to her room. She then allowed them to clean her up and change her. The nurses used that technique over and over again and there were no more problems changing her diaper.

When in my mid 50's and my incontinence returned and several talks with my wife who insisted that diapers were the way to go and save on sheets.I was not easy to convince grown man back in diapers the male ego hit rock bottom.I finally gave in that was 30+ yrs ago.She was right.

I find that when changing mom's diapers, she gets so scared that she doesn't even recognize me. She feels attacked or potentially in danger of being raped. The fear takes over her brain, and I just have to carry through until it's done. It's very challenging to find caregivers who can handle that part. Most don't want to do any hard work.
I also find that if I change the subject with her and engage her mind with something completely different while asking questions, it does somewhat help. Good luck.

My 101 year old mother has dementia and tries to bite me, kick me and the caregiver and generally has a fit whenever we change her. I have tried holding her hands, soothing music, singing, talking quietly, explaining that we can't let her sit in dirty underwear; nothing works, so we just have to proceed and get it done without her cooperation. Afterwards, she is fine again.