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My Mother has had multiple hospital admissions, UTI’s that prompt altered mental status. Her mobility is very slim . She recently suffered several acute strokes including one hemorrhagic- few deficits, however she will not eat how she is supposed, ongoing low platelets. In and out of moments of altered mental status . She still owns her home and has a small Ira. I am her only child and have moved her down to the area where I live, however we have been in and out of the hospital 3 times - she had always made me promise not to take her to a nursing home - however caring for her has become somewhat difficult. I need to have access to do what I need to do in order to get adequate care for Mom. I would like to try in home full time caregiver before a facility. What admin and financial things would be smart to get in order and where do I start. Thank you Chris.

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I so agree with Geaton. Your first stop is an Elder Law Attorney. When you call office for an appointment make it know that you are considering doing full time, 24/7 care of your elder and need guidance and options. That you are essentially buying "an hour of your time".

Then make a list of all your questions.
1. What documents do I need?
2. What shared living cost plans need to be put in order.
3. How to arrange and manage assets and bills.
4. What do I need to be aware of in future problems, and how often do Mom and I reassess whether this is working or not. At the point this isn't working for one of us, what are the next steps in placement.
5. Should I take on all financial and medical POA; what are my rights and obligations as a POA.

Your having a list of all your questions will save you money in how much time you need. If your mother attends with you (and she should) she pays for this meeting; it will be costly and may be anywhere between 300.00 and 700.00 for the hour. So have your ducklings in a row.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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How old is your Mom? Usually when a parent is terrified of nursing homes they have a memory of some horrible old place and has no idea how much improved the modern ones are. Also, she made you promise something when she has no idea how exhausting being a caregiver can be. Maybe she never took care of an elder herself (my Mom didn't care for my Grandmother for a single minute yet she insists she's not going into a facility, either).

To start, are you her PoA? If not -- and she has most of her cognitive powers -- she can still assign you as her PoA. Since you are an only child like me, you can use an online service to download the state-appropriate forms and then either have the hospital notary or a bank notary help you finalize it. It should be Durable (effective immediately) and not springing (requires a diagnosis of incapacity).

Also please be aware of how expensive in-home hourly care is nowadays. In my state agencies charge $46 p/hr BUT you get subs, the people are background-checked, and the agency does all the payroll withholding (something which you may need to do in your state if you hire people to work for you).

Please talk to an elder law attorney to get the full lay of the land and know that the cost of 24/7 aids may very well exceed the cost of a decent facility. LTC can be covered by Medicaid if she qualifies financially and medically, so look into getting her assessed by her doctor as requiring LTC.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Your Mom needs care that you are not able to provide all by yourself. Because she has been in the hospital so many times, when she gets back home nurses etc follow her for a little while. I think your mom needs long-term care which you can provide for a while for her, using her funds, to hire CNAs to come everyday to make sure eats, washes etc...
Some of us on this forum were CNAs before we retired. Her regular medical insurance will not cover long-term care. I personally really like the idea of home care with CNAs but it will not be inexpensive. You might be able to do this for a while but eventually she may have to go into a facility. To hire cnas, you can look into care.com or any senior home care agencies in your area. Be very selective And meet anyone who's going to come and care for your mom. Have in mind exactly what you feel your mom's needs are. When you talk to the agency they will make out a care plan that the staff will follow.
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Reply to Hrmgrandcna
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Your mother had no right to make you promise not to put her in a nursing home, and you have no obligation to abide by that. So don't feel guilty and don't feel like you need to stick with that. Has she given you her medical and financial POA? Do you have access to her bank accounts? Is her house paid off?
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Reply to MG8522
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