My mom is refusing to allow us to assist her and thinks her doctor is "crazy". What should we do? She is starting to cash in her retirement accounts on her own because she says she has no money.

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What Tothill said, including the allowance. Having taken control of the other accounts, some set up a separate account and put a little in it monthly and give their parent the card for that. Any explanation that you think will work will do. It gives them a sense of independence.

You have to take your POA document, the doctor's letter about your mum's incompetence and go to all her banks and investment companies and make it clear to them that she cannot continue to handle her money as she is incompetent and is wasting it. Perhaps a letter from the lawyer who drew up the POA would be advisable too. In my case, mother's lawyer supported me in taking over finances

I am sorry she is being so resistant. This is one of the hardest phases for care-giving as you take over the parent role, essentially, and she is not ready to give up her independence.

Your mum will not be happy that her life is changing like this, but your responsibility is what is best for her, not necessarily what she wants.

Goods luck. It is difficult but doable.
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Reply to golden23

The steps Mum had to take were: Get the POA sprung, the lawyer wrote up a new document that Mum took to all the various places that needed a copy. She has a bit of push back at one place, they said they wanted step dad to sign their form, which he could not do, due to being incompetent. A threat to have the lawyer deal with them, got them to change their tune.

Then you take the POA to the investment firms and very clearly state that your mother is no longer capable of making and changes to her accounts and if they take instruction from her they will be out of order and liable for the consequences. The consequences include any taxes owing due to early withdrawal from the accounts.

Once you have cut off Mum from the accounts, then you have to make sure she has pocket money and enough for her weekly expenses.

How much money are you giving Mum to spend? When Mum was POA over Eleanor, she made sure she had an allowance each week. Mum took her shopping and paid for the shopping with Eleanor's cheques (back when cheques were a thing) now she would use the debit card.
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