I'm personally NOT a fan of being surprised. In fact, I hate it, even with 'good' surprises (with the exception of the 'surprise' of a new grandbaby on the way!) but pretty much, anything that rocks my boat, so to speak, is not appreciated.
Depending on mom's memory abilities, I would do as much as possible to make the change to a facility as much her choice as you can. Of course she probably can't do the research, etc., but she can go tour places and give her input.
She will adjust better if she feels she has SOME control. A dear friend just moved out of her home into a lovely ALF. She made the calls and she is happy as can be. But, SHE made the choice herself. I realize that's not always possible.
Depends on her ability to understand and retain things. If she can understand/retain, I would still give as little notice as possible. It's 99% likely that she will not want to go and will give you a hard time. How long do you want to listen to that?
If she does not retain, I would probably just load her up in the car, bring her over, get her settled, and then leave.
Regardless, it's probably going to be a very hard time and transition for YOU. Be gentle with yourself and remember why you are doing this. If she's mad, she will get over it. She'll adjust, as well as she can, to her new surroundings.
And you will know that she is. being taken care of and is safe. And you get to re-establish your life.
If she has short-term memory issues, most things will "surprise" her from here on in. Our priority for my MIL with the same issue is do and say what keeps her calm, in the moment, so that it allows forward movement of whatever needs to happen. That said, after transitioning her into AL in 2016 and now LTC, we still get surprised by some of the "short-term" things she will remember from recent days or weeks ago, but it's not predictable. At first you might not "feel good" about telling her "therapeutic fibs" or half-truths, but think of it as being medically necessary. There isn't a wrong way. Do what works for her and her caregiver in the moment.
How cognizant is she on a day to day basis? Does she understand and retain some things but not others? You can tell her that she needs help. You can not do everything for her that she needs. You can tell her that you want to keep her safe. Have you picked a place yet? If so has she visited? Can you arrange for her to go a few times as Adult Day Care? This way she will get to know the place, the staff will get to know her a bit. That might be one way to "ease" her in. If she does not retain much it does not matter when you tell her or if you "surprise her" it will be a surprise since she will probably not recall that you have told her previously. When you do move her in try to keep items that she is familiar with so she will have a 'connection" of sorts.
Depending on mom's memory abilities, I would do as much as possible to make the change to a facility as much her choice as you can. Of course she probably can't do the research, etc., but she can go tour places and give her input.
She will adjust better if she feels she has SOME control. A dear friend just moved out of her home into a lovely ALF. She made the calls and she is happy as can be. But, SHE made the choice herself. I realize that's not always possible.
If she does not retain, I would probably just load her up in the car, bring her over, get her settled, and then leave.
Regardless, it's probably going to be a very hard time and transition for YOU. Be gentle with yourself and remember why you are doing this. If she's mad, she will get over it. She'll adjust, as well as she can, to her new surroundings.
And you will know that she is. being taken care of and is safe. And you get to re-establish your life.
You can tell her that she needs help. You can not do everything for her that she needs. You can tell her that you want to keep her safe.
Have you picked a place yet?
If so has she visited?
Can you arrange for her to go a few times as Adult Day Care? This way she will get to know the place, the staff will get to know her a bit. That might be one way to "ease" her in.
If she does not retain much it does not matter when you tell her or if you "surprise her" it will be a surprise since she will probably not recall that you have told her previously.
When you do move her in try to keep items that she is familiar with so she will have a 'connection" of sorts.