Follow
Share

Do I need an elder attorney for a living will? What is involved in taking care of this? I’m thinking I should take care of this to have peace of mind. My mom has expressed her wishes to me but I feel it should be put in writing.

If she can talk get witness and notary make simple protected and safe and summit for personal property and estate and depending state pick paper work at library

You have already got medical power work on will and get a second or third a pinion
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to RonaldRobison
Report

NeedHelpWithMom: As her Power of Attorney, you Are her agent. The term, "power" referred to an instrument signed under a seal, e.g. a notary public.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

This is where our systems fail for the elder population. Mom has the ability to make decisions & have rights, still considered competent but has "bad" judgments with her decision making ... It a fine line - but what to do when mom is making decisions like:
Giving caretakers money, buying them furniture.
Refusal to go to hospital after falling and hitting head while on Plavix and needs a scan for internal bleed
Moms refusal of a caretaker and telling them to go home
Refusal to take medication
Refusal to take sponge bath or shower
Refusal to go to hospital after falling and hitting head while on Plavix
Calling police while in rehab unit
Eating while lying down- choking hazard
Refusal to wash post bathroom visit
Convincing Doctor a higher dose of medication
The list can go on and on...
Sure my mom was competent…but judgement way off-
Police-,EMT’s, &  Social Workers only honored guardianship not the POA
I would of rather been guardianship and have the extra work reporting out -and being accountable for mom-- Even other people knew she was "off" but deemed competent.
Yes, extreme examples but it happen to me
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to slp1684
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 12, 2019
So sorry that happened to you.
(0)
Report
NHWM, you would never get guardianship for your mom. She is mentally competent and a judge will not take away her rights.

Guardianship is intended to protect a person that is unable to protect themselves. That is not your case at all. The only thing it would accomplish for you is more work, as a guardian you have to provide an accounting of moms money to the courts.

You can get a witness or two to sit in on a conversation with mom and you, get her to explain that she doesn't want heroic measures taken to artificially prolong her life. Type it up or hand write it, have mom and witnesses sign. You now have a legal document. You should add to the signature that she is of sound mind and understands the consequences of such a decision and she is not being influenced or under duress to create this document.

It is simple, next time she sees her PCP, give them a copy, they might even have a form they can attached attesting to her ability to execute such a document. God forbid you ever need it, have the doctors office send their copy as well as showing your own.

My living will also states that my agent has the right to bring battery charges against a doctor that refuses to honor my wishes or turn my care over to a doctor that will. That's how brutal all these heroic measures are to a body.

If you decide not to have an attorney assist you, please don't go the guardianship route. She would be destroyed and you probably wouldn't get guardianship because she is in such good mental condition.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 11, 2019
I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me. So many things I don’t quite understand yet. I appreciate all of the input.
(0)
Report
A guardianship will and does trump a POA. Do be aware that many businesses are not aware of this and want a POA.

Many banks will not honor a POA. They want a guardianship. They are harder to get, more expensive and adjudicated through the court system. It's very frustrating.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Segoline
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 11, 2019
It gets complicated with all the red tape? Is it becoming more common to get guardianship, segoline?
(0)
Report
get a durable poa, medical thru banking thats all u need to do what you want in the intrest of ur mom or dad. as the poa you are the will
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to sadsun
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
Thanks. Will discuss with mom.
(0)
Report
A living will is important. It's good your mom trust you to make the decisions for her. My Mom did the same for me. BUT What would you do if Doctors do not listen to you since your mom is competent or perhaps she might disagree with you in the future ? It can happen. Your mom trust you, so while you still can ask her, apply for guardianship legally. AND a living will. You are still making the decisions and respecting her wishes.
Guardianship is recognize by all states, and hospitals. Continue with her being independence as she will want to be, but it's easier to make the serious decisions with guardianship, a legal document that all professionals have to abide. There will never be any type of challenge of your decision for your mom by social workers, care management, hospitals, doctors, banks, and attorneys once you have guardianship.
A will can hide assets as well, MI has a 5 year rule. Also, difficult for family members to contest the will and can be written up, heirs cannot contest if they do they are out of any of moms things.

- a POA who has experience a mom's trust and her wishes- BUT needed the legal documents to execute the wishes ...
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to slp1684
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
slp,

Great post! Loved what you had to say. Also, my mom can barely hear and she always asks me to tell her what others have said so I started thinking that her specific desires should be in writing. Know what I mean? For peace of mind for her and me.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
As you are her agent, she needs to tell you her wishes in regard to a living will.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
I have medical power of attorney. What is an agent? She has told me. I just want to make sure I am doing everything correctly so I won’t run into any problems later.

She has said to me if she would get cancer that she wouldn’t do chemo or radiation. She has said she does not want to be kept alive with a breathing machine or feeding tube, DNR, things of that nature.
(0)
Report
It depends what state you live in....
Go receive expert advice from an elder lawyer. It was the best thing I ever did!

All the best!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Savitaa
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
Savitaa,

Thanks, I can see where that is money well spent because it brings peace of mind.
(0)
Report
Fantastic advice here. From your profile, it sounds like your mother has the capability to understand and to sign documents like those that others here advised. That's great.

If you and your mother are too worn out or run out of time to actually carry out these documents, something that might help YOU is to calmly discuss circumstances with her and want she might want. Write them down. First, this is a good start for the formal paperwork she should have, and second, YOU know what she wants and can help carry it out with a clear conscience if the paperwork hasn't yet been finalized.

Lastly, you must take care of you! I understand putting your mother first, but you matter too. Plus, you can't care for your mom if you're ill or broken. {hugs}
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to MountainMoose
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
Thanks a million. I do appreciate your concern for me as the caregiver. I think most of us as caregivers but ourselves in the backseat. Not always the best thing to do. I find I have subconsciously done it by being on auto pilot for so long for my mom, before that my dad, my brother and other relatives too!

I am always concerned with my mother’s desires being fulfilled, especially the most important issues.
(0)
Report
Her medical POA might address her wishes for extending her life artificially.

When you are in an emergency it is hard to feel good about decisions that do not prolong life, I personally believe it is all based on the prognosis, will I ever be able to function in a reasonable awareness with my environment, will my life be prolonged for me to die where I lay, only months down the road.

My dad was depressed and near death, the hospitalist talked to him in private and alone, came out and said he requested a DNR. When in reality he wanted full code, which means keep me alive at all costs and measures. I had no POA or anything, I couldn't change that on his chart. (Same hospitalist that said he had dementia but is willing to listen to him, just wrong)

I hope you find a good solution that gives you peace of mind at a reasonable price.

Hugs, I know these are hard conversations and decisions.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
jacobsonbob Feb 8, 2019
This shows that the terms and abbreviations need to explained fully to people before they write, sign or agree to anything.
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Advance directives - AKA a living will is something everyone should have. It documents what care a person wants when they can no longer articulate it. The POLST/MOLST forms are excellent because they outline what someone wants AND does not want. Though they take into consideration a normal trajectory towards an eventual death. However, if dementia becomes an issue as well then you may need address special caveats for dementia care as apart from those of other disease. Look to the web to find MOLST and POLST (They are the same thing but named differently in different states and not valid yet in some states). Also look to the Alzheimer's sites for dementia information.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlanBingham
Report
freqflyer Feb 9, 2019
I know I was so relieved when my parents had an Elder Law attorney prepared Medical Directives. There was no confusion or guessing as to what either of them wanted in their final years.

In fact, I had the same Attorney do all the paperwork for myself as one never knows what will happen in the future.
(0)
Report
See 3 more replies
There is a document, and you can get it on line, called Five Wishes this covers a lot of things and it is legal in most states. Even if it is not "legal" it will give you a good idea what she wants.
Also there is a document called a P.O.L.S.T. this is better than a DNR as it is very specific as to what medical treatment you want or don't want and the duration of a treatment if you elect one.
This takes care of a lot of things but if there is an "estate" property, a bit of money, and or other items that are of actual value it might be better to have a Will done if there are relatives, family that want "their fair share" Or at least have her put it in writing and sign it, but have her do so with other than family members present.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
Will look into P.O.L.S.T. Thanks.
(0)
Report
It means that you or a next of kin will make medical decisions for invasive procedures for her. That is all. The document just provides legal means when the person knows that family will make decisions contrary to their wishes.

If you want to get a little insite, just sit down and ask about different scenarios such as CPR
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to MACinCT
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 10, 2019
Thanks. That makes sense to me. Appreciate your advice.
(0)
Report
If your mother has given you medical power of attorney, but she has not specified what her decisions would be in particular scenarios, what she has said is that she trusts your judgement. She trusts you to act for her in the way that you believe she would have done herself were she still able to.

I understand your wish for peace of mind, of course. Decisions of the kind we're talking about are *hard* and often emotionally painful. Resuscitate or not, feeding tube or not, surgery or not - they're not choices to be wished on anyone, and wouldn't it be so much easier if you had a set of instructions to follow, signed and witnessed and ready to hand.

But. There are two serious problems with being too specific. The first is that we have no idea what is going to happen, and the clinical judgements to be made take a very complex range of factors into account; and the second problem is that how you feel when you are comparatively fit and well and writing your directive may be radically different from how you feel when you are sick and frightened and vulnerable.

Although certainty would be nice to have, there is bound to be a trade-off between certainty and freedom to act. Your mother has outlined her feelings to you, and now she is content to trust your judgement. So should you.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 7, 2019
Countrymouse,

Exactly! These are the things I am concerned about. Thanks for your feedback. Appreciate your input.
(0)
Report
A POA is not really legally binding. It's more of a request than anything else. A doctor can choose to ignore it. It's useful to have but if you really want your mom's wishes will be followed, you need to have a POLST form completed. It's signed off by your doctor and is a legal medical order. They have to follow it. The POLST forms are freely available, just ask your mom's primary to sign it.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to needtowashhair
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 7, 2019
I had no idea about that. Will look into it. Thanks.
(0)
Report
See 3 more replies
Read the POA. My Moms read like a living will. Saying what she did and did not want. If yours doesn't read like this then u may want a living will.
I don't think you need a lawyer for this. There is probably a form on the internet for your state. In the end tough, a DNR has to be in place and signed off by a doctor. Your doctor should have the form if you want to have this in her file. A copy should be given to ambulance personnel and hospitals and facilities.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 7, 2019
Thanks. Good suggestions. I will forward copies of medical POA to doctor and so forth.
(1)
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter