My mother became jaundice in early November. Along with the jaundice came pale stools, dark urine and a sketchy appetite. Any advice?

What we generally do with elders who won't see a doctor is wait for an acute episode to occur (in her case, maybe an episode of severe pain), and then call 911. EMT seem to be more persuasive than family members in getting a person to seek treatment. If there's any other family member or friend who could speak to her and urge her to get help, I'd try that route. Is there someone she'd listen to more than you? If there is, try to drag them into it. If not, your best bet may be 911.

I guess you know this is serious. Her liver is being effected. Something is not right. She needs tests. Does her doctor have a Nurse practitioner who can come out and evaluate her. Maybe even have her go to the hospital. It maybe gallbladder. May need to be removed.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's horribly hard when a parent refuses to cooperate to keep themselves in good health.

Jaundice can be from a lot of different causes;
alcohol abuse, liver infection, liver cancer,
cirrhosis, gallstones, hepatitis, pancreatic cancer, parasites in the liver or an overdose of a medication like acetaminophen (Tylenol).
(Healthline.com)

Your mom may be in denial about her condition or doesn't want to face bad news. Unfortunately you can't force her to get treatment. She may become confused due to the buildup of toxins. Possibly you could get her to the hospital if that happens.

Is it possible that she may already know what's wrong and she doesn't want to worry you about a potentially fatal disease?
Was/is she an alcoholic or drinks heavily?
Does she have any abdominal swelling or pain?

Ask her to get checked for YOUR sake, to make sure her "problem" isn't contagious. You certainly don't want to become infected also. All of these liver illnesses are serious.

You'll need to give some attention to your husband so your marriage doesn't hit the rocks. There's only so much you can do if your mom doesn't want help.
Don't ruin your life because she's refusing treatment. Good luck.

This sounds like liver failure--or at least, a severely compromised liver. Some herbal remedies can help, in the moment, but if she has all the symptoms you say--she really needs to be in the hospital.

Just keep on doing "nothing" and she will likely end up MUCH sicker and she WILL be so "out of it" you can have her taken to the ER. From there, it's up to you...and her, if she's able to make decisions.

My SIL is a GI Dr. He would see this kind of patient on a daily basis. Don't get your hopes up that she is going to be compliant to any regimen a Dr. prescribes--but hold out hope that she might.

Does she live with you? Since you are FT caregiving, you need to protect yourself against disease, but I doubt what she has is communicable. Good luck with this---a non compliant, sick parent is the hardest thing to deal with!!!!!

I think you need to speak plainly to your mother.

If she won't see a doctor, you can't make her and neither can anyone else. But if you just play along with her bullsh*t and she dies, how will you be left feeling? This is NOT FAIR on you!

It may be that she knows full well how ill she is and just doesn't want to talk about it. Well, that's her choice too. But she can have the honesty to tell you at least that much truth, instead of treating you like you're some kind of idiot who can't see what's going on under her nose.

How do you know about the stools, by the way? Is your mother giving you this kind of detail? Because if she is, she's perfectly happy to share the gory details - just not with anyone who might be able to help.

In your position I would make some calls and get professional advice. You can try your own doctor, APS, the nearest health centre or walk-in centre: you tell them what has been happening and ask them what you should do.

This situation is So Not Fair to You!!! Your Mom is very sick, and needs to be seen by a Dr!!! As others have mentioned, I would present your argument that the symptoms she is having could indeed be contagious, and she must be checked out for Your sake, she wouldn't want you to be getting sick too, though I doubt she is contagious, but clearly her liver is compromised, and that could turn deadly at any moment!!! Tell her that ignoring this is Not an Option, and that if she doesn't comply, you are calling 911!!! Happy Holiday? I don't think so!!!!

One thing at a time, get her sorted, and then work on your other issues. I'm o sorry you are stressing, especially during the holidays! Come back and let us know how your making out, this is a great site food good ideas and solutions!! We do care about you!!! Take Care!!!

I truly believe there isn’t much that can be done for your mom if she refuses to see a doctor. A 9-1-1 visit to the Emergency Room may be the only way to get her treatment.

I understand the financial difficulties. I am confident that 2018 will see us at the very least filing for bankruptcy. My husband, who is bedridden, is content to watch reruns all day, sleep and not involve himself at all in these issues. I am headed for therapy in the New Year.

I would be very careful with giving her herbs, etc. unless you are a certified holistic physician or herbalist. You know she needs to see a physician.

If it were me, I would sit down and have a heart to heart with my husband about her. He loves you and will support you. He may have some ideas to offer and for sure he will be there for you. Good luck. Sending hugs!

I'd call 911 and have them look at her.

Paramedics can be extremely persuasive and at least you have it on record that you tried to get her care.

Oh my goodness, thank you all SOO much. I honestly didn’t think that by me posting my mom’s situation would get such an overwhelming amount of support but it has. Wow, you are all wonderful. Thank you for caring, offering advice and letting me know I’m not alone in this. This has definitely done a number on me both physically and mentally.

So now for updates...some good news, some not so good news. For the good news, she finally agreed to a home visit doctor. The one I found is amazing. They can do mobile bloodwork, they have a portable xray machine, and even diagnostic equipment! Only downside is they can’t come until Tuesday so gotta hang in there a few more days. Praying and hoping the good Lord allows her to be comfortable til then.

Ok so the not so good news. She’s unable to swallow solid foods now which means she’s not taking any of her vitamins or supplements. Liquids seem to be no problem so far but she said solids just lay in her stomach like a lump and cause fullness, tightness, a dull pain and a regurgitation type feeling. She also started experiencing a congested right side nasal passage and had nosebleeds the last 2 days. I put a humidifier next to her and that seemed to stop the nosebleed (my house is indeed very dry) and she’s had sinus issues her whole life so i’m not sure if the nose thing is related but the stomach thing is new.

To answer the question from above...no she hasn’t had any alcohol. That’s what baffles me. She hasn’t had alcohol, a tylenol or a headache in over 20 years. This is a woman who sailed through menopause without a hot flash and she had me at age 37 without any complications. She was always a thriving, spunky woman. This all came out of left field.

Also, something else I’ll run by everyone. A week before she started feeling “sickly” an electrician was here doing work, used our bathroom, and apparently had diarrhea. I know this because I found evidence of. When I questioned him (it’s my husbands uncle) he said that he had just come back from the Dominican Republic and thinks he might’ve picked up a bug. How nice. So here I am thinking hepatitis maybe? Malaria? Who knows. But it’s a possibility. Thoughts?

Again, thank you everyone for being so supportive, kind and encouraging me to do the right thing. Please continue to offer whatever advice you can. It is most appreciated xoxo

I wish your mom well. My liver shut down once, many years ago, a rare reaction to a med I was taking due to positive TB test. The feeling of food "not going anywhere" is exactly what i felt. I had three kids, was in grad school and doing a psych internship. I lived on Lifesavers while I was recovering; they were the only thing I could tolerate.

The thing is, whatever is going on can destroy your liver in pretty short order. And you can't live without a liver. I'd still think about 911. Good luck and keep us posted!

Hi everyone. So update...mom’s state has gotten worse over the last 4 days. Aside from not eating any food and refusing everything but water, she’s sleeping 95% of the day now and when she’s sleeping her mouth is open and I constantly find pools of fresh blood coming from her mouth and nose. I freaked out this morning when I saw it (Merry Christmas to me right?) and told her I’m not waiting for the doctor to get here at 2:30 tomorrow, I’m calling for an ambulance. She had a fit and said “there’s nothing wrong with me except I have a dry nose” I’m like are you freakin kidding me?! Yes ma, because it’s perfectly normal for people to be jaundice, stop eating, and now bleed from the mouth and nose like you’re an mma fighter. I left to go get food with my husband and she somehow managed to get herself up and out of the chair and into the bathroom while I was away (it’s like 10 feet away, we have a very small house) but when I came back in the house she had a very difficult time getting off the toilet. I helped her up and walked her to her chair she’s been in and she was like a zombie walking, very shaky and slow. I also checked her urine. It was brown. I again said Ma, you need to go to the ER NOW. She once again refused and said she doesn’t need help. I’m past the crying stage at this point. I’m just so broken inside and numb at the point. I can’t wait for the doctor to get here tomorrow because I’m sure he’ll give it to her straight. Lord knows she isn’t listening to me and the lady I spoke to on the phone from the doctors office said that unless she’s unconscious, she has the right to refuse whatever. She’s obviously dying slowly and I feel like my hands are tied. Prayers appreciated. The days ahead are going to be the most challenging days of my life. However, I do hope everyone had a merry christmas.

Sweetheart. Call 911. Right now. It doesn't matter what your mom says. Call them.

Now. Let us know when you've made the call.

Yes, she can refuse to go. But maybe if they explain to her that she's going to be dead in the morning, and that you'l  be held responsible for not getting her care, she'll have a change of heart.

If she is bleeding from the nose and mouth I doubt the EMTs will "let" her refuse. Sounds to me it will either be the EMTs or the Coroner take your choice. Make the call NOW. Deal with her refusal if it happens, she's going.

You know that the authorities could charge you with elder neglect if she dies while you know this is going on? (You can tell mom that too) Call 911! If nothing else they can give her good advice and you will be protected from jail time. If she refuses to the EMTs, it is on an outside record. Otherwise, her refusal is only your word and sadly, probably won't be believed.

Definitely, please call 911 now if you haven't already. You surely wouldn't want someone listening to your irrational reasons not to see a doctor if you were bleeding from the nose and mouth, etc. Hope your Christmas ends up with your mother getting the medical attention she needs. God bless you.

Just took her to the hospital by ambulance. Prayers please. Thank you to everyone.

Dear Jrock, I've been praying for you both all day. Let us know what happens. Hoping for the best.

Jrockfitness,
So glad to hear she's at the hospital. I doubt whether she'll refuse anything there. Hopefully you'll have a Christmas miracle.

May the Lord give the doctors the insight to treat her properly and may she be completely cooperative. May all turn out well.

I'm so glad. Wishing you both only good things.

So very glad she's in the best place now, and is being seen to by the Drs now! It must be a huge load of your mind, though of course your still worrying! Go home and get some rest, I'll be praying for your Mom!! Take care, Good Call!!!!

StacyB thank you SO much for your incredible support and love. It absolutely helps knowing how many people are rallying around me in love and support. My husband has been an incredible source of strength. Thank God I took her in. We’re waiting on the test results so I will post as soon as I know something. Even though she’s obviously very sick at the moment her personality is still shining. Thank you again for your prayers and support. I really hope I saved my moms life xoxo

We're praying with you

So good to hear she's getting care!!

Praying for you and your mom jrockfitness
Hugs too!

Is there any way you can put her in some type of care facility? You dont mention her age. I did this for 1.5 years and had to put my mother (93) in a facility. She had some money and am using that. She is not on medicare. I had so many health problems from this care. I reccommend anyone not do it.

So, have the docs done rounds yet?

Jrockfitness,
Matthew 21;21-22
Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22: If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

When my husband was dying of severe pneumonia (on a respirator), I found this in the Bible as I was frantically looking for help.
The doctor said he had a 90% chance of dying. They were doing everything they could. He was on a respirator, 5 IV machines plus many more hanging free from the ceiling, lab work was awful, kidneys shut down, heart problems developed and it looked like this was the end for my 42 year old husband.
But, I took those verses and said, "Lord, you are our only hope. I'm too weak to believe without doubting, so you're going to have to help me with that too!" I prayed (and believed) day and night.

They called me one day to hurry to come in. Being a nurse, I knew what that meant. I got there and the doc said he has a blood clot in the lung and it will kill him. I said to give the meds but the meds could also kill him. Then I went to his bedside. BP 40/15, pulse 120. Then, hysterically, I took him by the shoulders, shook him and said, "You're not going anywhere, I've got a promise from God!" You could hear a pin drop.
Within 8 hours, BP 120/70, pulse 74.

He came home (unable to walk (yet) but alive. He lost 50 lbs in that month in ICU.
Now, he's a healthy chubby man that feels that he got a second chance. We celebrate his "birthday" (the day he came home Aug.2,) every year.
Miracles do happen. 👼🏼
Pray and believe.

Thank you all so much again for your love, prayers, support and beautiful comforting words. I wish I had better news.
Mom is in full fledge kidney and liver failure. They found mestatic cancer that originated in her uterus (she has a football sized tumor there) and apparently it spread to the liver (hence the jaundice) kidneys (explains the dark urine) and now it has put lesions on her liver/stomach and has spread to her lungs.
They have put her on morphine to keep her comfortable which she is. I spent 2 hours at her bedside today while she slept deeply. However she would stop breathing from time to time (which scared me) and then she’d take a long deep breath and let it out with a rattly sound.
She is being transported tonight to a beautiful hospice facility where she will have a pain free passing. While I am so grateful for her peace and the fact that she’s pain free, I have never felt so broken, sad, scared or nervous. This is the last thing I ever expected. She went from a thriving, beautiful amazing woman to a frail cancer ridden person. The wonderful nurse told me today...that’s not your mom you’re looking at, it’s the disease.
Prayers please. I’m a mess.

Jrock; I'm so very sorry that your mom is dying. But know that you've gotten her the best possible care for her right now. Hospice is so what she needs. Prayers and good thoughts to her for a peaceful transition, and healing for you.

Stick around here; many of us have been down this path. There is good help here. Love to, my dear.