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It's a small Apt and my mother is very manipulative and I can't seem to get any cooperation from either one. My brother is 56 and I'm 54. I've had to take care of my mom constantly for the last 10 or more years. She is on some heavy medicine and takes too much and when she runs out, demands mine which are the same as hers. She throws tantrums and makes my life a living hell. . My brother is a walking time bomb not helping me do anything and demands he have that room and Mom lets him. It's only us 3 left in our family and we'll u can just imagine the rest. Please help me!!! Lost in Ga

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If you are on the lease with your mom, you can have him evicted.

Nope, I can't even begin to, nor would I want to, imagine the rest.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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You are into a 10-year pattern now, and pattens can be hard to break. It can be done, though.

Do you have a job?
Are you able to rent a room for yourself to start with?
Could you enlist the help of a social worker?

Just start somewhere, and keep moving forward. Get yourself out of that unhealthy situation.

All best.
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Reply to Danielle123
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Are you paying rent? Do you have a job? Is your Moms illness so bad she needs you there to care for her. What are her and your health problems you need meds.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Next time brother comes, leave and get yourself into a rehab program so you can detox from the "heavy medicine" you've been relying on. Once you can think clearly, you'll want to STAY away from such a dysfunctional household as you were living in.

Good luck to you taking your life back.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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While brother has the room, you make yourself scarce. Stay with a friend, go to a shelter, go to a hotel, and turn off your phone. Take your necessary medicine, especially any controlled substance, and supplies and clothing with you. Brother can attend to mothers needs while he is in the room. Tell them, AFTER you have left and are secure, since he has the room, he is responsible for mother’s care while he is living there. Work to get yourself off the lease with the next renewal. Let mother and brother figure out a lease for them. He will likely become scarce when he realizes the price for living there is responsibility and care of your mother. You’ve done it 10 years. His turn. You take care of you.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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You are the only one who can help yourself.

There is nothing any of us can do about this since you allow all of this to happen.

Also distributing drugs is a felony and you telling the police your mother made you do it isn’t going to work as a defense. But maybe you will luck out and end up in jail which sounds like a better solution to this life you have made for yourself.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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You are 54. Don’t you think it is time to be out on your own? Let’s your brother deal with your mom and live your life. If you rely on your mother to support you then you are stuck living by her rules. Be an adult and take care of yourself
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Reply to lkdrymom
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You’re 54! That inherently means no one makes you do anything. You don’t have to take care of mom. You don’t have to live with her. You don’t have to share your bedroom. You don’t have to share your meds (a very bad idea BTW, whether they’re the same or not) You don’t have to cave to the demands of brother or anyone not holding you at gunpoint. What I can imagine, and I hope you can too, is you living by yourself, in peace and calm, and leaving mom and brother to their mess. I wish you courage to change such an unhealthy dynamic
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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To me it sounds like it's way past time that you and your brother grow up and get out on your own and quit mooching off of your mom.
And if you truly need your medication quit allowing your mom to steal yours. Who cares if she throws a tantrum? Tell her doctor what is going on and that your mom is abusing her medications, and let them handle it.
This sadly sounds like a highly dysfunctional family/situation, and I'm sorry you don't see a way out.
The only way I see a way out is if you move out on your own and don't let your mom or brother suck you back in again. And that may mean going to a homeless shelter for the time being.
And if your mom truly requires 24/7 care, then she belongs in a facility where her medications will monitored and where she won't be able to manipulate anyone.
You will be then be free to live this one life you've been given.
And in case no one has told you this....you are NOT responsible for your mom or her care, but you are responsible for yourself.
So I hope you take the necessary steps to take your life back and start enjoying your life.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You don't HAVE to take care of your mother, but you CHOOSE to do so. You aren't slave labor.

You say that you and mother share a small apartment. It is crucial we know
1. Who pays for apartment
2. Who's on the lease as the apartment renter.

Then we can begin to answer this question.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You’re 54 years old. You can live where you want. Why don’t you get your own place? Let brother take care of mom.
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Reply to Fawnby
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