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My mother has Alzheimer's. She has severe memory loss. When she took the test that the Neurologist does for memory she recieved a zero. She is also on memantine, which is one of three drugs offered, mainly for severe patients. She hasn't been through the normal stages. She started off getting a little confused and my father thought it was just menopause. She never gets angry. Then one day her speach wasn't as great. She couldn't hold a conversation as well and mostly listen (but she is and always will be an introvert. My father was the one who always leads conversations and she listened to everyone.) She would leave in the car and get lost. Then she would walk once we took the car away. Finally the fleeing stopped and she didn't open a door by herself anymore. Then she forgot how to bring herself to the bathroom. This was over about 10 years.


She is still very fit and loves to go for walks. She prefers to speak with the mirror then any other activity. If she knows she's alone she speaks at a normal conversation level but if someone is in the room her voice gets softer and lowers sometimes to a whisper. She comforts the "person in the mirror" and asks "her" to follow her when she goes into other rooms. She now refers to herself as "we" not to exclude her "mirror friend." In most cases that I've read about the patient is bothered or angered by the mirror but my mother loves the mirror. I'm just trying to understand this situation better. I even bought her more mirrors. I'm wondering if she has made friends with this person because everyone was gone? I had move to SC and my dad still works to this day. I moved back to take care of her full time. Maybe she felt lonely and created a friend? Is this possible for someone with such severe memory loss? She baffles me some days. I was just wondering if anyone has experienced the same thing?

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There was one woman at my mom's nursing home who had conversations with someone only she could see, she actually paused as if hearing a reply. In a way it's kind of sweet, isn't it 🤗
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Mmendall May 2019
See the thing silly part to me is my mom will only talk to "the lady in the mirror." She physically has to see someone to have a conversation. The neurologist even said it's not a delusion. It's like she is two different people! She makes herself so happy in the mirror, laughing and dancing. Then she looks lost or confused sometimes when she is doing any other activity. It's so wild!
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Many here talk about dementia being a slow reversion to childhood. My daughter when she was three had a imaginary friend named Nina. Nina was a real to her and the other members of our family. Nina was a comfort to my daughter, who had experienced some trauma.

So perhaps your mother needs this friend in the mirror just as my daughter needed Nina.

We never tried to convince my dd that Nina was not real. We made room for her in the car, at the table and on holidays. If anyone thought it was strange that we talked about Nina, when there was only one girl with us, we did not care.

After about 2 years, when our dd went to school, she left her behind. Nina attended kindergarten for the first few weeks, then stayed home, and soon was forgotten.
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Mmendall May 2019
The interesting thing about my mother is that she does not revert back to a younger age. She will tell me shes an old lady! It's as if she has made a completely different persona for herself. She won't talk about the person in the mirror unless she actually sees her reflection. It just so baffling.
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My mom has vascular dementia. I've never seen her actively have a conversation with someone, but she does have imaginary people that visit. She will suddenly say, "Where did everyone go?" or "Where is that little girl that was just here?" Sometimes she sees dogs. We have three little dogs and she will say there is a fourth one sitting on the rug. I found out that some of her imaginary people weren't being too nice to her, so I told her that they were not allowed to come to my house anymore. Apparently she told them because they haven't been back that I've heard.
From what I've read this seems to be pretty common in dementia patients. Some do have conversations with these people. I've learned to just play along. If she asks me where everyone went I tell her they have their own homes and responsibilities and so they must have gone home. Sometimes I tell her they said they will be back later in the week. Sometimes she actually gets miffed at them because they didn't say goodbye to her before they left! Once she told me that one of them said that one of my dogs was hers. I said she'd better back off from my dog or she isn't welcome in my house! Mom said she wasn't going to get in the middle of that. Haha!
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I have a relative in her 60s with mental retardation. Her mind is that of a 10-year-old. As is common with such people, her mind is aging faster than normal, so she has mild dementia now too.

She's done the talking to the mirror thing for years. Usually mumbles to it, because she knows other people are nearby and would hear. She also talks to imaginary people, but doesn't speak. Looks like normal talking but no voice! It's like watching a TV on mute. If you ask who she's talking to, she says "Oh, nobody." She tries to cover it up and would never admit to it if you asked her why.
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Mmendall May 2019
This is exactly what she does. It's nice to know that someone else out there has done the same thing.
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I would say that she is very blessed to have found a way to self comfort and entertain with this wretched disease.

As odd as it seems it really is nothing to worry about. My granny talked to her baby doll and it was a tremendous comfort to her.

With this disease the only understandable thing is that there is no understanding.

Hugs!
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My wife talked to the girl in the mirror for a long time. My wife is the most delightful person you’d ever meet. She was/is beautiful. She was extremely popular. Very! As an RN she was compassion personified. And the girl in the mirror?  The same.  I know because I was introduced to her. My wife would talk to her often. Sometime they’d laugh, sometimes she’d be venting - just getting things off her chest. Well my wife could not talk well anymore and everything came out a guttural croaking not understandable. Couldn’t really talk to anybody, even me. Ah so. But the “girl” understood. And so I decided the girl in the mirror was a perfect social outlet for my SW.  

She was very concerned about the girl when we left the house and her having enough to eat or a place to sleep. I had to work around that. I set an extra place at the table. I put a mirror on the table at meal times. SW made a place for her to sleep. 

I read where one woman pulled down the visor mirror in her car so her mother could talk to her friend while they drove. One man’s father got extremely upset because the man in the mirror mimicked his gestures so the son had to turn the mirror around - the old man just got too upset. 

I believe the relationship to the person in the mirror reflects the basic personality of the demented observer. It can be productive (my SW) or not (the old man). If it is a productive relationship leave it be and go along with it. If not make the mirror disappear. It can be a perfect but harmless social outlet for the demented person trapped within their demented mind.
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Mmendall May 2019
If you don't mind me asking, do you know what form of Dementia your wife has?
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As long as it's a positive thing for her, making her laugh and interact I would simply marvel at the way her mind is taking care of her even though the disease is taking it away. Watch and learn the wonders of the human spirit and enjoy watching her be happy and at peace. What a sweet wonderful thing her friend in the mirror is.
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jjmummert May 2019
Oh, I agree. I was fascinated reading of this situation.
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My husband has Parkinson's and also has hallucinations, sees people, animals, ants crawling across the counter when there are none. Neurologist prescribed a new medication for him, but I declined after reading up on the side effects, one of which was HALLUCINATIONS! Anyway, from all I have read, as long as the hallucinations are not threatening, it's probably best to just let them happen. I ask him regularly if he has had any "visitors" and they seem to have left the building. Since we moved to a new home in January, he has had very few events. Used to have a "whole family" living with us in the old house. Guess they didn't want to make the move! ;>) In your mom's case, it seems to be a source of comfort, so no harm no foul. Blessings
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Yes. All that. FTD Took 9 years for doctors to realize.
They guessed menopause and PTSD from childhood abuse.
They administered alzheimer's drugs that have crippled her.

https://www.nextavenue.org/ftd-dementia-misdiagnosed/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg-_V7IWE4gIVjMpkCh1PxgUqEAMYASAAEgKxoPD_BwE

We have learned much about the workings of the FTD mind. It is puzzling that personality traits such as the mirror person are common.

Christy was hellish. Now she is a hoot.
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Mmendall May 2019
The neurologist told my father that it couldn't be FTD because she would have declined very quickly, but from what you are saying that is not the case. They told him she wouldn't be able to talk. She has had Dementia for about 10 years I would say but was diagnosed about 3 years ago. It took about 3 years to even get in to see a neurologist.
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This is fascinating. And I love it.
My Husband was pretty much non-verbal for the last 7 years of his life. On rare occasions he might say a word and he would make noises but that was it. I would have loved to hear a conversation. And in this case I would love to hear the conversation. Is she talking about things that happened recently or years ago? Is she telling the person in the mirror about her life or is it about what happened to the lady down the hall?
I also wonder "who" she sees? Is it her or possibly her mother, sister or is it someone she does/did not know before this? (I look in my mirror sometimes and wonder where the old lady came from! )

Gut reaction if the person in the mirror is not causing any anxiety I would not worry about it. And I would listen in on the conversations and see if you can learn anything.

BTW..IMO I doubt any of the medications for Dementia are doing anything for her at this point. If these are medications you / she is paying for you might want to talk to the doctor about discontinuing them.
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Mmendall May 2019
To answer your question, starting with the who, I think she made this person up. My mother has had Dementia for about 10 years, but has not reverted back to a younger age. She actually complains about being so old. I think due to her socialization (she is part of The Degree of Pocahontas) there are a lot of older ladies, so she thinks it just another friend. She has never given the person a name or tried to explain her. She will talk about the past, her feelings, and things that just happened or things as the happen(for example we live across from a school so she hears the children and start talking about how much fun they are having). She always talks about her specific experiences rather than anyone else's.

I actually will stand around the corner and listen to her. Sometimes she will let "her" know if she is cold or anxious and I can scoop in and fix those things for her. Sometimes she can't think of specific words so she says the poppers. I'm still not sure why she uses that word or what its means (it can mean many things, I just have to use context clues. It's her go to fill in the blank word.) She also talks about the machines a lot. In this case I think she is actually talking about machines, but anything from and elevator to a car can be a machine.

She also expresses her frustration to the mirror. I think this helps a lot because she shows no signs of aggressive behavior. If she is upset with something she will find the mirror and vent.

Her medication just slows down the process so she stays at this level. Otherwise she probably would be able to speak or even walk for that matter.
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It sounds like Mom has a good friend in the mirror. :) Nothing wrong with that. She is happy, let her be. Perhaps you can say "Hey Mom! Can you introduce me to your friend in the mirror? I'd love to say Hello!" see what she does.
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Occasionally my mom would talk to the person in the mirror. Sometimes she would call me into the room she was in to ask me who that person was. She didn't believe it was her, she would say "am I really that old?".
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kirahfaye May 2019
This is what I was wondering - perhaps mom sees her younger self in the mirror and that is who she is talking to. Or perhaps a childhood friend or family member. My own mom is now 84 with the beginning stages of dementia and ALZ and was quite a beauty in her younger years (still looks good for her age). I have to wonder what her reaction will be to mirrors as the conditions progress.....
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Let her talk to the mirror. If it makes her happy, you should be thankful.

When my mother passed, my father was devastated - I told him Mom was still there in the house & the furniture - talk to her. It made his last 7-1/2 years a little more bearable.

With any Dementia, the brain is "broken" - maybe she talked to herself in the mirror as a child - if it makes her happy, don't take it away from her. Just learn to smile.
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My husband’s grandmother talked to her friend in the mirror - my MIL thought it was too confusing and covered the mirror with a sheet. Not good as you can imagine... I said let her talk to her friend and we removed the sheet. It was the best thing we did. There is no harm and at times it let us in to ‘her world’ at that time. I say if there is no harm - go with the flow.
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Mmendall May 2019
This is how I feel. I'm just trying to figure out what type of Dementia she has. The Neurologist said she has Dementia its severe and there is nothing more they can do.
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My Mom would talk to the mirror until she got mad at the lady in the mirror and struck it (her). It was a full size mirror on the back of a door, I had to take it down. So, watch to make sure she doesn't get aggressive, she could cut herself if she hits it hard enough, not to mention 7 years bad luck. : )

The weird thing was she would stop talking to the lady in the mirror if I came near. My Granddaughter would say she was playing Mirror, Mirror on the Wall and it was ok!

My Mom graduated to talking to someone sitting in the rocking chair. I didn't have a problem with it, all the the Alz books say these things can happen.
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Mmendall May 2019
How long did she have Alzheimer's before she started to talk to things she couldn't see?
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My mom would talk to the mirror, too. I'd sometimes think, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I don't understand this at all." I once heard her say, "Get out of here." I thought maybe the dog had wandered in there, but no, my mom was talking to the mirror. She also had auditory hallucinations, so those were my mom's "friends," but I'm not sure if the mirror's reflection was friend or foe. I think she might not have known either. I guess I need to "reflect" on that. (A little humor helps too, when it comes to Alzheimer's). That's why I wrote  a book about our experiences: "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I'm glad to know my mom wasn't the only one who saw a mirror image, so to speak. At the time, (about 6 years ago), I had never heard about this behavior. I agree with other comments about making sure that she doesn't try to throw anything at the mirror. My mom never did, although she could become agitated at times, (usually over nothing, just a general sense of agitation, which caused aggravation for all concerned). I'd certainly talk to her doctor, and maybe a neuro-psychiatrist. Best of luck.
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Mmendall May 2019
My mother shows no signs of aggression. She's had this for about 10 years now so the neurologist doesn't think aggressive behaviors will be a problem. But obviously to always keep an eye on it.
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Eeveryone is different and everyone with Alzheimer's is different. I would simply accept things as they are.
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Yes. Mom does the exact same thing.
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Mom had hallucinations for sure. Not of the mirror kind, but definitely auditory and visual. I felt it was mostly the disease and perhaps part of the medication she was taking.
I agree with talking to the neurologist about your observations just to have a better understanding. Otherwise I use to just follow my mother's conversational lead and play the game or live in the moment. It would do no good to try to jolt her back to reality. Her reality is different now. Keep her as safe, comfortable and happy as you can.
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Psalms23 May 2019
Amen. Thank you. I am going to work harder to do just what you suggested. You are so right about this... Why am I trying to be correct? Dahhhh. Mother's reality is different. I must find a way to respond to the need and not react to the (whatever)... Awesome. Thanks again 🤓
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I talk to the mirror sometimes and I do not have Alzheimers. Lol!
Sounds to me like she is taking to her inner self; her higher self. I think this is profound.
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Jimbosticks May 2019
Yes! Me too, on rare occasion.
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Chances are she doesn’t recognize herself anymore. It is easier for Alzheimer / dementia sufferers to communicate with someone or something that doesn’t require a lot of thought. Mom was that way. She was drawn to little children that couldn’t really talk yet because it didn’t have to rely on her memory or thought process. They live in a confusing world of a broken mind so path of least resistance is comfortable to them. 🥰. Whatever brings them joy is always a good thing. 💕
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Mmendall May 2019
Thats so true! My mom has a friend that had a stroke and she hasn't been able to talk correctly since, but the two off them go off talking together ( their own special conversation). Her friend still speaks it's just slurred and gargled. My mom is such a saint. She even had me give her friend one of her fidget toys and my mom showed her how to use it. I think it's good for the two of them!!
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God bless You....Expect Anything Now......xx
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My sister was diagnosed with Alzheimers at age 55. She used to run her own nursery school and at quite an early stage she would look in the dining room mirror and talk to the children and laugh. She would also see people on the ceiling and it was then that I realised I had to go into her world and would tell them to leave in front of her. That was a fairly easy stage. What came afterwards was just awful. They will never come back to your world but if you try to go into theirs it will make them feel more secure. Good Luck.
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Your story makes me cry. My mom hallucinates. When still at home, she would look at her dog and see my cat, call me and ask what to feed my cat, who was sitting next to me at my house. When my son asked what was wrong, she told him she didn't know what to feed the cat! "Well, he said, this cat has already been fed, so don't worry about it". It seems that anything reflective, like windows, also send her into other worlds. She sees dogs trapped in cars, robbers in the neighbor's house or outside her window, people sitting all day in cars, so they must need help. These are not pleasant and she wants us to do something about what she sees. I would prefer if she had a friend in the mirror. One lady in my mom's assisted living has a huge stuffed girraf ( as tall as herself) that she talks to. She speaks French to it, so we don't know what she is saying exactly. I can pick up a few words and they are very pleasant and story-like. She kisses it and looks at it adoringly, usually keeps it in her room, but sometimes drags it along with her, walker and all.
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Yes, this is extremely common and many patients go through this in dementia. It's relatively harmless behavior, so if she enjoys it, let her continue.
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My Sister-in-Law's mother had mental illness. No diagnoses on what kind. She had it when I met my SIL when she was 18 and dating my brother. "W" was a mean horrible crazy person. When she was older she had a mirror friend. She introduced my SIL to her as the next door neighbor who was really nice. It was the mirror on the bedroom closet. Funny that her mirror friend was so nice because "W" was such a crazy mean person. Of course back in the late 1940's and 1950's mental illness was treated much different than it is today. "W" died about 20 years ago. Everyone in the family, just acknowledged the friend and let it go.
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I think it’s beautiful that she has a friend in the mirror that she can enjoy and spend time with. She’s confused, but not alone. Sounds like a sweet blessing to me.
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Yes! I care for a 98 year old woman having dementia. she will see reflections in a mirror which is partially hidden. she will get up close to the mirror and say "hello" and further attempt to communicate with whatever she is believing she sees!
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My mother has Lewy Bodies Dementia. She talks to a stuff dog non stop. She also has auditory hallucinations to the point it gives her added anxiety. She has started praying out loud. All just part of it.
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mmendall, you asked how long Mom had Alz before she started talking to things she couldn't see.

Looking back I think Mom started Alz 15 years ago. I see things she would of never of done before that, the disease is gradual. All I can say is she started talking to things about 4 years ago with me. Her story is a long one. With Mom it took something to happen to get her to finally live with someone...the police were called. I used to joke with Mom that none of her 3 kids were ever in the backseat of a police car but she had that experience, haha! I tried to make it sound glamorous.

You see, the person in the mirror is, truly, another person as Alz people don't realize that is them. . .they aren't that old. What I did was print out an old photo of her, put it in a frame with no glass and she used to talk to that and sometimes she thought it was a mirror and she was looking at herself.  I also have 38-8x10 photos of her, at various stages of her life, on the wall that she looks at often. She still know those are her.


Mom is now in the final stage of Alz, 82 pounds and not eating much. She has hospice, she has been on hospice for a year and a half now, everyone, even the nurses are amazed she is still with us.

Mom traveled a lot, so, all evening I ask her is she is enjoying her flight and the movie. Most times she smiles and says yes but if she is getting tired she will say no. And, I say "Thank you for flying United." I tell her to keep her seat in the upright position, etc. I found a person needs to be creative and put things that maybe she can relate to in her face. She can't remember her kids but she remembers flying.

May I suggest you get books about Alzheimer's, there are some good videos on youtube with Alzheimer's info. There is one lady Teepa Snow (I think that's her name) who can show you a lot about how to handle the different stages. Just keep in mind that she has never actually taken care of Alzheimer's people she has just studied them. 

That's probably more than you wanted to read. Thank you for flying United and enjoy the movie.
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