My mother (age 96) lives in assisted living and insists that she is being taken to different rooms each night. Any suggestions?

Yes!! This happens to my mom frequently! She sometimes thinks there are 2 rooms decorated the exact same in different buildings and she isn't sure which one to go to. Thd other night she was take to a "hospital" in the building to be given meds for sleep but woke up in her own bed. I try to reason with her as well but doesn't help. I agree staff are getting frustrated and they have put an alarm on her walker in case she tries to leave and the door alarm doesn't sound. Totally understand!!

My dad does this, but his thought is that he has different beds through his LTC and he has his pick of rooms and beds. I just tell him how lucky he is, and glad we found him in the right room when we visit. This is a small problem to have, considering other things, so we just laugh about it, and he laughs too.
That really is all you can do. Best wishes.

My 88 year old mom has "thoughts" as well of things happening that aren't. Over half the time it's a UTI. After some antibiotics she doesn't talk of them much. I would really encourage a UTI test. Also is she taking a B12 vitamin? Or any B vitamins? As someone mentioned, check her meds and perhaps give some vitamins. Hope she settles in...

The best suggestion I can make is to try and make it less frightening for her. When she complains about being taken to another room lighten the conversation a bit, “is it nicer than the last one”? “Did they get all of your stuff in the right place?” “I think it might be nice to have a clean fresh new room, especially when someone else is doing all the work of moving everything!” Laugh when it won’t anger her, get her laughing. “Wow you must be special, they keep upgrading you...or maybe someone in worse shape than you needed to be closer to the nurses station and they felt you were ok further away because you are doing so well.”

When my mom tells me about an obvious hallucination “there was a young woman she didn’t know sitting in her room” I ask if she was afraid of her and when she says “no” (so far the only answer, thank goodness) I ask if she talked to her and suggest next time she try or I say “oh how nice you had company!” We laugh and most of the time eventually she figures out it probably didn’t really happen. If she gets concerned about knowing she is hallucinating I will often reassure her that she was probably napping and woke up in the middle of a dream. As long as long as these hallucinations aren’t scaring her I’m happy and even find hearing about them interesting. This happens more often when she isn’t hydrated enough, hasn’t had enough water. The other possibility I suppose is that in this time of COVID she has been moved once or twice so another patterned could be quarantined or some other need that helps them manage their patient load. Normally they would hopefully discuss this with you and even have you participate in the move but these aren’t normal times so perhaps there is a combination of fact and fantasy going on here.

Your mother has dementia which is going to get worse. They get delusions and nothing can make them see reality. Don't even try. Rather ignore what she tells you or say you are looking into it and distract her. Make peace with the staff as you may need their help. If she moves into memory care, so be it - sounds like she belongs there. I would not worry - no one is moving her - it is all in her mind. And I doubt any medication will help so just ignore it.

Nanny cam.

My first thought would be that she MAY be experiencing Sundowner's, where confusion is present as nightfall approaches. Praying for you.

Call the ALF immediately to make sure they are not 'giving her medications' that you are unaware of. This is against all laws everywhere, by the way, and the only medications that can be given out have to be by doctor's written orders and handed out by LPNs or RNs in an Assisted Living Facility. "Staff" can't just be doling out sedatives to keep residents quiet and sleeping.......nope.

Your mother seems like she's Sundowning, like Taarna said. Can you speak to her doctor about this and about what's happening to her at night with the confusion? He may be able to prescribe something to help her once he's made aware of the situation. Don't bother trying to convince your mom that she's not being moved..........trying to argue with someone who has dementia is impossible. It only frustrates them and makes them argue harder. Just change the subject and divert her attention elsewhere. If need be, acknowledge what she's saying and tell her you'll 'speak to the staff' about her concerns.

Like you said, if they move her to Memory Care, that won't solve her issue. Confusion tends to come and go with the elders, so what's happening now might resolve itself. Then again, it might not. Speak to the doctor, if you're able, and see what s/he has to say about possible medications.

My mother lives in Memory Care Assisted Living and has been in a terrible, foul mood now for the past 2 months. She's very confused in addition to being in a bad frame of mind, so the whole situation is a mess. Not being able to have visitors has really done a number on their psyche's, I think.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.

Do you have something very distinctive on or outside her door? A wreath or a plant that she might recognize? Even to me all the doors look alike! This might help when struggling with cognitive issues...

She is probably experiencing Sundowner's Syndrome. As the evening comes on, things look different. Your mother is probably also tired and more easily confused or frustrated. Talk with staff about getting her to her room earlier, putting on more lights (shadows are confusing), and developing a routine. If she is becoming difficult to manage in the evenings, the facility should let you know. He doctor could prescribe a mild anti-anxiety agent to help her relax in the evenings.

Hi This has happened with each of my parents. My mom in ALF would have hallucinations and at times her speech was slow. I found out they were giving her sedatives even though we had asked them not to do it. Once she was off the meds she returned to normal. They did try to tell me that it was dementia ,it was not.

My father was in a hospital for TIA and they sedated him. He had stories to tell me about being used in an experiment. He said they would take him each night down to the basement where someone was playing a violin. Again, found out he was being given medications and had him stop. My father quickly returned to his highly cognitive functioning self. Ive found when places are understaffed or exhausted it is easier on the staff to medicate the elderly so they stay in bed or asleep.

check her medications. side effects of many of those given to the elderly (in spades in nursing facilities) is acceleration of the dementia symptoms they are being taken for..including delusions. Once you are clear on this, talk to her case dr about minimizing these

My Mama had these same thoughts a few times a week. They were all baseless. We even took her to the nurse’s desk so they would confirm that she was in the same facility and in her same room - nope, no convincing her. It’s all part of the cognitive decline/dementia. There’s no correcting it or stopping it. Just watch for other signs that she shouldn’t live alone any longer.

Have her checked for urinary infection. You would think facilities would check this out immediately without being asked (since it is sooo common), but they don't. The infections create the very issue that you have described - being moved around, traveling, people having affairs with their spouse, etc.

You might want to check to make sure none of this is actually happening. For example, my mother was moved to another room when the nursing home decided to paint her usual room, and she also moved when we all decided a different roommate would be better for her. Is it possible your mother was moved once or twice, and now thinks it's an everyday occurrence?

False Beliefs are just a part of whatever dementia she has.
It might help to have somethings for her to see and have In her room to help her identify her room.
Like the hallways at facilities all look the same, the doors repeat, non-denominational artwork, harsh lighting. For my mom I put up a wreath on her door to help her ID her room. Made a huge HUGE difference. If the place allows door decor or signage, put something on her door or room number to hers so she can recognize it easier. For her room, it is decorated with stuff she can readily ID as hers? Like my mom had this 1960’s lamp that was at her bedside since forever that moved from her home to IL and to 2 NH with her. I brought in curtains and comforter & a chair from her home to the NHs too. For her 2nd NH brought in her old chest of drawers too. All was fine with her roommate. In her room & bathroom, see if you can put up a high shelf with battery operated candles that are set on timers to be on for dusk to dawn.... so if she wakes up, she can look around and see her stuff and hopefully relax as she knows she’s in her room. Plus helps her find the bathroom. Also perhaps put up the usual wall decor of family photos, artwork, clock, mirror, that are in their old frames. New & shiny stuff confused my mom as she would think it wasn’t hers.

Medications can help. My mom was on Remeron, old school drug & for her pretty good for quite a long while to help quell agitation.

It may be that she is being moved to other rooms at night: my first guess would be that she is taken to the bathroom on a wheeled commode, and that the mistake being made is that the staff transferring her do not explain step by step what they are doing.

There is a regrettable tendency when more than one member of staff is working with a resident for the staff to talk to each other and not to the resident. The more disabled a person is, with sensory and/or cognitive impairments, the more it becomes *essential* to prompt them verbally through the entire process.

In your mother's case, the process should wind up back in her room with verbal reassurances and visual orientation about where she now is. E.g. "here we are in your room, here is your bed, here is your family photo, here is your quilt."

It may be that she will still not recognise not only her room, but the facility itself as the place where she is at home; but I think she would express that differently when she talks to you. What do you think?

My dad went through the same thing when living at AL. He would call me up and say that they moved his entire room to the basement or to a building next door, furniture and all. This went on for a few weeks. Back story- He had 5 compression fractures in his spine and was in excruciating pain. He was on pain meds, along with lack of sleep and constant pain, this combo threw him for a loop and caused these delusions. Once he had his procedure on his back and weaned from the pain meds, he was back to normal. In the meantime, don't argue with the delusions, get to the emotions behind them. My dad wasn't scared, just astonished that they would do such a thing, and mad that they touched his belongings. I would look around and say "everything's here", and he would be ok. If your mom is scared, reassure her that no matter where she is, you'll be there and that she is safe. Then distract, distract, distract!

Is there perhaps a video that you can have her watch of herself not being "moved" from room to room? Do they have video cameras that can prove it? Perhaps this will change her mind.

Last year when my mom started with more profound mental/ emotional issues, I felt they were rooted in anxiety, and there are several meds to try. (Yes, do request a test for UTI.) If you want to start light/OTC first, there are some good ‘hemp seed oil’ supplements on Amazon (I get one from Colorado, veteran-owner business) or you can look into CBD supplements. The Dr would have to agree, but I can’t see him/her arguing. Also, a high-quality Vitamin B complex does a lot for nerves. I just think anxiety is so likely and common. If she’s able to get more exercise and time outside these would also help.
I don’t know what this would look like?? but you and the staff could try some way to go along with it.. ‘sometimes we change people’s room overnite so we can clean the rooms, and they can enjoy sleeping other places.’ If there is a social worker on staff at the facility, seek them out and put them to work. If there’s a visiting geriatric psych Dr for the facility (there usually is), request an evaluation. Best wishes, I know this is hard.

Check her blood oxygen levels. It can fall, especially at night with shallow breathing or if she breathes through her mouth if she has sinus congestion. My Mother was in the hospital last Fall and I noticed when her blood oxygen levels decreased she told us of being moved to different rooms. Once she insisted they took her to the police station. Prior to the pandemic you could get a pulse oximeter at the drug store but they are scarce. Check your health apps on your smart phone, my husband's android has a pulse oximeter included but my iPhone doesn't.

My mother (95 when she recently passed) was already in a Memory Care unit when she started experiencing a very similar paranoid delusion (among others) - except in her case she swore they took several other residents and her to a different place for the night. They went on a bus and everything. When I asked her why she said the staff wanted to "get control of them." She was already diagnosed with moderate dementia at this point. But along with the other delusions, she was so frightened and agitated, it was heartbreaking.
Sure enough it was a really bad UTI. They got her on antibiotics to clear it up and although she continued to have delusions associated with the dementia, they weren't frightening or upsetting.
Have her checked for a UTI.
And good luck.

LearningAsIGo, have you contacted the facility medical team to discuss this? Has your mom ever been formally diagnosed by a doctor with cognitive decline? There will come a point where she won't be able to manage her ADLs by herself in AL anymore and it would be advisable for you to prepare for this eventuality. After the lockdown is over, you may want to consider transferring her to a facility near you. When my MIL was in AL she told us all sorts of stories that could not have possibly happened. This is part of cognitive decline and it only gets worse. Your mom's problem that you believe needs solving is just that she get the type of compassionate and appropriate care for her condition. If she is not able to tell reality from delusion, and there is no medication that helps her and she has been checked for a UTI, then she may need MC. I wish you peace in your heart as you figure out how best to help her from afar.