Greetings, My mother is 93 and has not seen a doctor in years, nor has she been out of the house. She is petite but has very swollen ankles and feet and very limited mobility. Her mind is still good, but she can't hear or see well. She flat out refuses to see a doctor for anything and is on zero medications other than Tylenol 3x per day. Her sister recently passed at 98, and her father also lived to 98.We know she has health issues, but she hides everything and is very private. She does enjoy a very structured day and lives with my wife and I in her own part of the house. She enjoys dinner with us as well as wine and cheese together before dinner. She has virtually no activity, as her day involves moving from her room to the kitchen (maybe 20 feet) back to her room and then to her TV room (another ~20 feet). She is very weak. Recently, we've noticed a large puddle under the dinner table from her leaking feet. While we know this is an indication or serious underlying health conditions, there is near zero chance we can get her to a doctor. Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated!
The thing we struggle with is that she is of sound mind, and that she has made it to 93 with 94 6 months away. She has poor hearing, but can hear with an amplifier, TV ears, or her hearing aides (Nano otc). Her vision is poor, but with strong readers she enjoys looking at things on her phone.
She has always been a VERY private person and never tells anyone of her ailments until they cannot be hidden. Her mind is clear and she enjoys dinner with us discussing the news, weather, and family events. I am a musician and she has been my #1 fan since day one and still is looking forward to my latest recording.
She's made it this far on her terms, as was mentioned, and does not want to be a burden. She lost her sister last December, who lived to 98, and passed at home with family after sleeping more and more each day. I believe my mom is following a similar trail. Her condition seems stable, and we have not noticed any significant changes since my original post. I fear the struggle of seeing a doctor (at 93, to what end are we really looking at?) would hasten the end and could be seen as betrayal of her wishes. She is not in pain, and continues to be herself. If she were in unmanageable pain, yes, we would take action, but for now, we will continue to enjoy her company while keeping watch for any significant changes.
Thanks for all of your insight. I will keep you updated.
As a retired RN I am "GUESSING" that this is dependent edema, but this is open wounds in a fragile elder and it can lead, untreated to sepsis from infection and to death. That knowledge should be enough to motivate you to action. I hope so.
Dependent edema occurs with extremities lowered, and accumulation of bodily fluid in lower legs, ankles and feet. Elevation will help a bit, but this sounds quite advanced. This can also occur with heart failure, and simply surviving to 90s means your heart as an efficient pump is no longer acting at full capacity. If there is weakness, shortness of breath, an inability to lay back, you may be looking at left and right heart failure; if only the fluid in extremities and abdominal area then you may be seeing only right heart failure (left affects the lungs). She may require diuretics to help her body eliminate fluid.
WHATEVER the case, she needs to see a doctor, and that, again, isn't her choice now she is advanced in age and living with you; it becomes YOUR responsibility, and you can let her know that.
Best of luck and please update us. Meanwhile a good lounge chair or zero gravity recliner will get those feet elevated and hopefully will help, and yes, they DO NEED LOOKING AT.
In your shoes, I would call 911 and ask the EMTs to evaluate her condition. Those handsome guys can often talk recalcitrant elders into a quick trip to the ER.
Often, congestive heart failure presents with this symptom, although there's other stuff it could be.