My mother, 80 and father-in-law, 86 live at home. She accuses him of sneaking out at night to have sex. What can we do? - AgingCare.com

My mother, 80 and father-in-law, 86 live at home. She accuses him of sneaking out at night to have sex. What can we do?

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She has degenerative eye disease. She takes all his clothes and shoes before bed and has hit him with her cane and sucker punches him in the gut in the middle of the night. Some of this is on video. She accuses the "girlfriends" of moving her clothes in her closets during the night and taking her jewelry. (My father in law shuffles as he walks.) She also shoves a chair under the door knob to keep him in his room so he won't "cheat". He stays and takes the abuse because, "she needs me to help her." What can we do? He is of sound mind and she seems to be in front of professionals.

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Being competent means you can make your own bad decisions, and that YOU can't force placement.

It doesn't mean that this situation should continue.

Get mom to either a geriatric psychiatrist or geriatrician and tell her/him what's going on.

Get dad to a neurologist for a workup of the shuffle. Parkinsons? Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus? It's not normal aging.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I hope there are no guns in the house.
Perhaps you should get her to the proper medical professional before she needs a lawyer.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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my moms primary dr. never seemed to do anything regarding her memory. dr finally asked me one day (in front of/in my moms presence) (dr visits can be awkward)
if we would like a referral to a geriatric dr.

the geriactric dr apt was great! someone who listened and understood moms behavior.

mom was constantly STUCK (in her head)on a story about being robbed. her bank info stolen etc.(resides AL)

other stories - phone calls, people in hallways, stolen newspapers, people talking about her (like they know her personal history and they are gossiping about her)

Im probably forgetting more examples

but geriatric dr put her on low dose Citalopram. So far it does seem to keep her not "so worried."

Geriatric dr did not put her on any Alzheimer's meds which Im ok with.
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Reply to wally003
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DPerez, here is an article I found here on Aging Care that will help you understand what is happening, and some suggestions on what to do. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/How-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm

As for your Mom-in-Law being fine in front of professionals, it is possible for someone who has dementia to do what is called "showtiming" where the person can act very normal. It is a mystery how a person can do this, it is very real.
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Reply to freqflyer
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