Here's the thing: with dementia, when a person forgets a loved one has died and you remind them, they're going to RELIVE that loss all over again, each time you remind them!
My mother is in the moderate stage of dementia nowadays. She still uses her phone at the Memory Care (which is a whole nightmare in and of itself, truthfully) and last week, she called her niece, thinking it was her sister. Her sister died 13 years ago, and when her niece told her that, she got very angry and said, "How can you say such a horrible thing, I just talked to her yesterday & she said she was coming to visit me if it didn't snow!" Then she called me, and I told her yes, your sister passed away 13 years ago and again she had a meltdown.
It's a no win situation we face with dementia, unfortunately. I would avoid the 'death of the loved ones' discussion entirely if I were you, based on the experience I had last week. Change the subject. If she presses and insists, tell her that her sister is away on vacation right now or something like that which will divert your mom away from the subject.
I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and I'm sorry we're all going thru such a gruesome experience. This miserable affliction affects ALL of us, not just the person suffering from it. It's a family affair.
She may not remember if you do. But she also may. I can't know how severe her dementia is, how easily upset she would be, so I would say that this is up to you. If the sister didn't live nearby, didn't often see her, there is no problem with just ignoring it, but if she is expecting to see or hear from her, asking where she is, I think you should gently explain as often as she needs to hear it. Do what you think will upset your Mom the least.
My mother is in the moderate stage of dementia nowadays. She still uses her phone at the Memory Care (which is a whole nightmare in and of itself, truthfully) and last week, she called her niece, thinking it was her sister. Her sister died 13 years ago, and when her niece told her that, she got very angry and said, "How can you say such a horrible thing, I just talked to her yesterday & she said she was coming to visit me if it didn't snow!" Then she called me, and I told her yes, your sister passed away 13 years ago and again she had a meltdown.
It's a no win situation we face with dementia, unfortunately. I would avoid the 'death of the loved ones' discussion entirely if I were you, based on the experience I had last week. Change the subject. If she presses and insists, tell her that her sister is away on vacation right now or something like that which will divert your mom away from the subject.
I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and I'm sorry we're all going thru such a gruesome experience. This miserable affliction affects ALL of us, not just the person suffering from it. It's a family affair.
One day at a time, right?
Wishing you the best of luck
My mother's only sister died years ago, and half the time she thinks I'm her sister. It doesn't matter; you just live in the moment.