My mom’s rehabilitation facility is saying, "If your mom can walk she can go back to live with you."
My mom is 86 , she fell 3 times in a year and this last time broke her leg. She has been in a rehab rehabilitation assisted living facility and can barely walk. She drags her foot, but doesn’t get very far.. They gave notice that her PT and OT will be terminated . I filed an appeal twice and lost. She loves pt and the people super encouraging to her which I feel was part of the problem. Tell her to move and get out of your head is what they should’ve been saying. Of course nicely. My mom doesn’t do the PT when she was home unless their there with her. It’s always been an argument. I’m really tired of arguing and pushing her and encouraging her cause that’s what she wants ALL the time but now they want me to say that I will take her home if she walks with a walker . Can they do this? Can they make me take her home or even make me sign something that I will take her home if she’s able to walk with a walker. I am her advanced directive, but she doesn’t have a POA because she really doesn’t have money other than Social Security.she has four kids. I’m the youngest. I’m the only one that she somewhat gets along with. My brother as well but he won’t take her . She’s very difficult very needy person. She is nice to people (and police her) but has a way of manipulating. I love her to death, but she’s draining me. I did work for her with IHSS and even receiving the extra funds is not worth it . I need a knee replacement in April so that’s another hiccup. I am hoping to get her in a facility in California that accept waivers so that Medical /SS would help pay for it. But I do not know much about them.
At present, it looks as if that will work well for you. She manages her own affairs, and she will have to find her own place to live with the help of social services. You must tell them that she can't live with you because you aren't well. Once you bug out of the equation, it's between them and mom. No, they can't make you take her home or sign anything that makes you responsible for any of her issues. That should have you whooping The Hallelujah Chorus all the way home - which will hopefully be without dear mom. Stand tough and don't let yourself be persuaded. It's time for you to take care of yourself now.
She cannot stay in rehab if she isn't progressing. They are honor bound to write factual reports on her progress. When there is no progress the payments stops and WHETHER SHE GOES HOME ALONE OR TO YOU isn't the issue. The issue is that she must go SOMEWHERE.
So I think now is the time for you and Mom to sit with the social workers at the rehab. You will tell them the following:
1. While there IS a problem of mobility and balance that is not the ONLY problem.
2. The secondary problem is that mom is too dependent upon me for her care, and I cannot continue and DO NOT INTEND to continue.
3. I will ask now your cooperation in making mother, here, understand that she cannot come back to her previous living situation because it has been PROVEN unsafe with all of the falls.
4. The trajectory is DOWN now. My mother needs placement. I will not accept her back to my home. If she goes to another living situation without me I will not participate further in her care.
5. I am not my mother's POA.
Now you see that if mother is living WITH you, you have a much larger problem as you will have already painted yourself into a corner; you have made your home her home. You will need to tell her honestly that you no longer wish to have her living with you. And you need to honestly tell her the question is not up for argument.
Your mother won't be happy about any of this, but her happiness is not your responsibility, and even throwing yourself bodily on her burning funeral pyre (it's a slow burn) will not bring her happiness. Unfortunately, this is a tragedy, and happiness isn't on the menu.