My Mom's being harassed. Any advice?

Follow
Share

My mom, who is the primary caregiver for my dad who is in the early stages of AD and has physically issues from a major surgery that removed a massive 17 lb tumor from his abdomen, is being harassed by her downstairs neighbor. They live in a retirement community (not assisted living, just a 55+ condo style community). The neighbor downstairs is 88 and lost his wife about 10 years ago to AD. For the past month, this man has been calling my parents house asking my mom to come down to talk to him. As the month progressed the calls became more aggressive. Finally, he started calling my mom by his deceased wife's name, demanding that she come downstairs. My father, who still basically has most of his faculties, is FURIOUS with this man and threatened to call the police on him. My father cannot get his head around the fact that this man is sick and he really has no idea who my mom is (thinks she is his wife).

This man's family rarely visits. I'm assuming when they do visit (10 minutes once a week) this may is able to showtime and not show any symptoms to his family members...which is why no one has gotten him any help.

At a tea social in the community's club house, this man cornered my mom in the kitchen yelling at her that she hadn't talked to him and was avoiding him (he used her real name, not his wife's name at this time)

Yesterday this man saw another woman who lives in the community and called her to his apartment. She went in, and came running out several minutes later, very flustered.

I believe this man could be dangerous if he thinks his wife is avoiding him, and will treat ANY female in the community as his wife and attack them. I have requested that my mom first call the community manager and complain, then call the police (ironically the community manager is a senior officer on the police force as well).

No one wants to call the police. They want this man to get help, but without his family's support he won't get help. What can I do to keep my mom safe? She is very scared of this man and doesn't want to go outside walking any more, or attend functions. I want to call the police NOW and not wait for the family to get off their butts to help. Any thoughts?

Angel

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
6

Answers

Show:
That sounds like a difficult situation.I would do just as you said and have a heart to heart with the community manager. Get him involved to hear the man making advances or demands on the ladies so he (the manager) sees the man is being aggressive. I would suggest that he get a statement from the woman that went into his home. Her first hand statement could be the most compelling evidence to get action.
With the man becoming aggressive, demanding, or sexually inappropriate, family should be aware and have an opportunity to address the problem.Alzheimer's Disease is a terrible disease, but it is no excuse for allowing inappropriate behavior.

The manager should be the one to act, contacting the man's family to get some action. If the property manager doesn't act, then ask who the property owners are and present a letter telling what has been done and that because of the man's advancing Alzheimer's Disease, your mother and other women could be in danger due to his aggressive actions. Some Senior Living Communities move residents when they need a higher level of care and it may be time to move this man due to his inappropriate actions.
Senior living communities are supposed to be for the enjoyment of their residents and offerer specific age related service or conveniences. Hopefully, the property management will get the man with Alzheimer's the help he needs while protecting other residents.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you tried calling Social Services? Perhaps he needs more care, like assisted living...... Call them, get advice. Maybe he should not be by himself. 88 years old? He could fall and get hurt....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

First thing call 911. second make sure the report which they will take reflect she is in fear. Do not give the manager a heads up and do not delay. Official complaints get attention, unofficial complaints dont
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If your parents know this man's last name I'm wondering if they can track down his family and tell them they are having problems with him.

To create a paper trail it's a good idea to contact the management company but I'm not sure they can do anything about it unless this guy is violating the terms of the HOA or lease.

A police report should definitely be filed in person. Don't just call the police, go to the station.

I don't know if any of these steps will stop the harassment especially if no one's witnessed it. You said this guy calls your mom? She shouldn't pick up and let the call go to voicemail then save the message. She shouldn't be picking it up anyway if she knows it's him. And can your mom get in touch with the lady that went into this man's condo and came out flustered? If they could both complain that would hold more weight than if it's just your mom.

What an awful situation for your mom and dad! I think getting to this guy's family if at all possible is the key. They should be told matter of factly, with no drama, no outward signs of emotion. Just the facts. And like someone else said, document document document.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

First thing... document document document...dates/times. Second send a written letter to management. A written one carries more weight and others seem to act on one more than verbal complaint. Third, Make a police report. You could have a lawyer send a cease and desist letter to this man. He sounds unstable, maybe delusional. Your parents have a right to their enjoyment of the home they pay for free from harrassment. If you know this neighbors name, do a google or criminal search.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Has anyone talked to the manager yet? That would be a good first step. If your mother is afraid to do it, you can talk to the manager yourself to let him know what is going on. He should know what the best thing to do is.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.