My mom (86) has dementia, is living with my 93 year old dad and they think they can make Thanksgiving dinner!

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How do I tell them nicely that they can't and need to come to my home.

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Tell them for whatever reason, we are having dinner at my home an l need your help, an will pick you up....thanks💝
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Last year it became apparent that Mom wasn't able to handle the commotion of so many people at the house, even though she loves having family around. She got very confused and needed constant reminders of what was going to happen next. We had already been buying precooked meals and filling in with sides which had worked for a number of years but we knew we needed to do something different going forward. Since we have family coming in from out of town and staying for several days, we decided to rent a local Air BnB which would not only be place to stay, but a place to have the dinner (and other gatherings for the weekend). At first Mom was hesitant but I could tell she was relieved that she didn't have to worry about many house guests and a dinner. Now she's completely on board with the idea, was excited to get her list of what she could make and seems much more relaxed. Her house is her "safe place" and it seems best not to upset the routine she has there. I'm not sure how well the Air BnB solution will work but I'm hoping it might be the new family tradition and everyone will be happy with it!
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Quilting, how sweet that your parents still wants to continue what sounds like a family tradition. How many usually come to your parent's Thanksgiving Dinner? Could it be pot-luck with each family bringing something to eat?

Could you go to Mom's house and help her with the turkey and maybe a couple side dishes? I realized that is easier said then done.

I know it took some doing to have my parents come to my house, since I hate cooking :P But once the grocery stores started to offer dinners already cooked, it did make it much easier. My Mom offered to do the sweet potatoes at her home and bring them over, so I let her do that, even in her mid 90's she wanted to do something. Dad brought along a bottle of wine.

Are your parents able to get the house, itself, ready for guest? Is cleaning an issue? If so, would Mom accept an one day cleaning service to come in? If cleaning is an issue, I can see having the family dinner elsewhere.

My parents eye-sight had failed so I didn't need to get the house ready like Better Homes and Garden was going to come in and take pictures !!
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When my Mom couldn't stand long periods of time we began to help more and more. She was at first able to make the sides, then it got down to one side, and then eventually we did all the cooking in her home, set the table etc. What really helped was a pre-cooked turkey breast ordered from the local grocery...all we needed to do was heat it up. It is ok to take short cuts, and have the grocery provide some pre-cooked items. That was a tremendous help to us.
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freqflyer is correct - that is the solution we had when my mother was showing signs of dementia. we decided she needed to host New Year's Eve and we all brought something to the mix. we called each other and decided on what and who would bring what and it was a fun time. we even brought disposable plates, cups & utensils and we helped mom to clean up.

sometimes taking away their ability to 'host' has some nasty repercussions. you don't want your parents to feel useless. all it takes is a suggestion, "let us each bring something to the table."
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Is this the first year that your mother won't have done the honours? Or did you take over some time ago, and this idea is therefore purest fantasy?
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Why not just go there and help them?
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Elderly folks, even those without dementia, tend to view themselves as younger and capable - even when they know that they are no longer "there" now.

I suspect that your folks are more interested in continuing the "family tradition" than doing the actual cooking. So, either invite them over to your place - or reserve a private room at a restaurant and pay somebody else to cook.
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You won't have many more thanksgivings at your parents house, so try to make the best of it. Take lots of pictures and be thankful:)
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I am with others on this situation. Go to mom and dads. Talk to them about what they want to do with the idea that this will be some part potluck. Tell them that just getting everything clean and set up is enough. There is probably something that mom cooked better than anyone else. Beg her to do that item, everyone else can supply the rest or whole meals can be purchased at grocery stores. A Ham, a turkey and other meat can be selected.

The last time Momma made her wonderful pumpkin pie she forgot the sugar - so be prepared that her item might not be as wonderful as in the past. The most important thing is that they feel like they are contributing to their family and that you are all together. When they are gone, knowing you went the distance for them will bring you comfort instead of regret.
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