I blocked my mom's number because I thought it would help me cope, but she found my work number and calls the phone there. I work at a very busy cafe where I serve hundreds of people a day, and it is very disruptive to my day and the day of the other employees when the phone rings unnecessarily. I unblocked her to see if it would help but now my safe place - my work - isn't a safe place anymore. My only safe place is gone.
It's to the point where I told her I have every right to ghost her - change my phone number and find a different job.
If you read my other posts, you probably know that my mom just recently got diagnosed with dementia but her doctor is confident she also has Borderline personality disorder which severely clouds her thinking. For example she has no empathy for other employees at my work answering her many phone calls after I have repeatedly told her my management isn't happy.
I almost want to call the police because I feel harassed. I am her POA but I have a right to decline her calls, I have every right to not visit her, and I have every right to make my workplace a safe place free from harassment of any kind.
I just learned recently learned that the way she talks to me is actually just gaslighting me.
Like, here's an example of typical conversation:
Mom: "Why don't you answer my phone calls? I'm your only mother. Why are you so hateful?"
Me: "Mom, I don't call because I don't like how you talk to me. I have a right to my own life. I have every right to remove you from my life if you don't adhere to the boundaries I make for myself"
"I don't have to do that. I'm your mother. You're just hateful"
"I'm not hateful. I'm angry and depressed and hurt."
"Well, then you should just go to the doctor."
"I can, but my depression is because of how you behave towards me."
"Then stop being so hateful."
"Please stop calling my work. It's disruptive."
"I will call your work as much as I want until you answer your cell phone."
"My management will have to talk to you then"
"It won't stop me. I can call as much as I like."
She always circle back to my downfalls. My inadequacies. What are my downfalls? I refuse to take her out of the nursing home because literally everyone: her doctor, her siblings, her social worker, EVERYONE has said she is NOT safe elsewhere.
YES she is young for a nursing home. YES it is not the most optimal place to live the rest of your life.
But her choices got her there. I'm trying to make sure she stays there because she has the care she requires, she has food, she has a warm room, and she has access to other humans to socialize with. I'm making sure she has the opportunity to thrive as best she can.
She is going in for a neuropsych evaluation Nov 15. The doctor recommended that I do not remain as POA no matter what they find. She will find a guardian/conservator in my absence. My family and boyfriend agree. As sh*tty as it is to say, I don't have to be in her life if all she is going to do is give me grief. I don't have to consent to that.
Life is hard right now. I feel like I'm barely existing anymore.