My mom will do for the nurses more than she will for me...like turn over, sit up, chew, swallow, raise your head... I get frustrated. - AgingCare.com

My mom will do for the nurses more than she will for me...like turn over, sit up, chew, swallow, raise your head... I get frustrated.

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I see from your profile you're caring for you mom in your or her home. Is it possible your frustration comes out to your mother? I was my mom's live-in caregiver for 13 months till she passed away. The whole time I was there, Mom never knew I was her daughter because of her dementia. You know how we're more polite to strangers? I used this to my advantage--plus I was "formal" with Mom: polite, requesting, and patient. We got along just great.

When my sisters came over to take of Mom on rare occasions, they were sometimes brusque, ordering, and Sister 1 made no bones about she didn't care if she made Mom mad. Once, when Mom was having a manic episode from her dementia (frantic and very "busy"), Sister 2 stopped by and snapped, "Just settle down." *rolls eyes*

Rather than dictate, I tried to ask Mom questions, such as give her a choice of what to eat for dinner, ask her if I could give her a pedicure, etc. There were times when I had to be firm because as her dementia deepened she became more stubborn, but I was still polite about it and tried to reason with her, which usually worked.

I hope you can find some way that helps you to help your mother.
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Reply to MountainMoose
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My husband was the same way when he was in rehab. He still talks about one particular aide who could get him to do everything she asked. He called her “Sarge” with great affection.

Is there some reason you need to ask Mom to do all these things? I dressed my mom one time in the 3 years she was in the Nursing Home. I took her tray back to the kitchen once and finished putting the sheets on her bed once when the aide took her to the bathroom. Other than that, she was paying $5000 a month to be taken care of. If it’s frustrating you that Mom won’t cooperate leave the caregiving to her aides.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Maybe it's time to just have friendly mother daughter visits and leave the care giving to the staff.
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Reply to cwillie
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