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My dad claims she’s still taking the first medication given. She is getting worse by the day but he won’t force her to go back to the Dr and we’re not allowed to talk about the diagnosis in front of her because she gets very mad. I guess my question is, is there anything I can do? My dad has told me to basically mind my own business when my sister and I offer suggestions. He’s suffering but just will not do anything about the situation.

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Tough I know. My father has alzheimers and doesn't know enough to refuse his meds but my mom has severe anxiety and will not take her anxiety meds, making life miserable for her and the rest of us. Not much you can do.
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Karsten is right. We’ve said before that about all you can do, unfortunately, is wait until there is a crisis. It’s not easy, but the more you push, the more they will push back. If they don’t want to face facts, you can’t force them.
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Annahank - I am sorry for your difficult situation.

Just to give you another point of view, if I, myself, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I know what the future will be like: years and years of suffering and decline and loss of independence and dignity (being bedridden, having someone clean my behind and spoon feed me, being locked up in some horrible nursing home, forgetting who is who, etc.,) I would not take any medication, because I want the end to come soon. I don't want to suffer or make my children suffer.

I am not suggesting that your mother intentionally stops taking med for the reasons I stated for myself. It could be that she is in denial. I just wanted to tell you what I would do for myself and I don't think it's a bad way to handle it.
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As you probably know, there are no medications or treatments to cure dementia. Each of the drugs developed so far is intended to reduce some of the symptoms. None of them extend life. Taking them or not will not impact how long you live with the disease. If they work for a particular patient (and they often do not) the patient should be somewhat better in some ways.

Often drugs that weren't developed to treat dementia are used to manage symptoms. For example, an antidepressant might be prescribed for a dementia patient who is depressed. It is the same drug that huge numbers of other people take. It is not specific to people with dementia.

The benefit of your mother going back to a doctor is that there may be some treatments that would make her feel better -- less anxious, for example. There is nothing to be done to cure the dementia or extend or shorten her life span.

My husband fell down again and again. His nuero doc said it sounded like he was having narcoleptic-type episodes. He treated him with that drug (had to persuade the insurance company) and the falling stopped! Miracle!

What can you do? Nothing. This is up to your mother and dad. Denial is a perfectly legitimate coping mechanism. Don't take that away without giving something in its place.

If Mom develops a new symptom that Dad is worried about you could suggest she a doctor for that symptom -- NOT for dementia. If she agrees to go, get a note to the doctor ahead of time that she has dementia but is in denial.
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Every reply has met the answer but maybe try mind over matter. Ask her doctor for a a prescription for nortriptyline as this might give her some relaxation. This could be used as a placebo but might ease her somewhat.
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Sometimes all you can do is pray.

My mother had symptoms of medicine reaction and over medication. I made an appointment for the doctor to go over the meds and see what might need changing. The night before the appointment, she called me to tell me not to bother as she had cancelled the appointment. I wasn't surprised and told her so. If she expected me to beg, she was sadly mistaken. I do believe in 'free choice' - sadly, her decision was to stop everything and tell no one. Not the best solution as 6 months later she went critical and nothing could be done. But it was her choice to make.

BTW, my dad never told us how bad she was getting - we learned a few things after the fact. But he too had extreme health issues so I didn't blame him. Besides, just like your father, he was trying to not rock the boat with Mom. I assisted him with living for another 7-1/2 years.
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Let her be...and pursue the life she would have wanted you to live!
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My mother's neurologit doesn't even want to see my mom on a regular basis. If she were on medication then she would see her to manage her meds. Meds put her in the hospital everytime she tried a new one. If they weren't improving her symptoms I wouldn't have kept her on them anyways.
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This is difficult for sure. My mom was also a reluctant participant in her care and my dad enabled it. And then my sister was in denial. So uphill battle in every regard. Eventually after educating myself - this website extremely helpful, Teepa Snow, Mayo Clinic Alzheimer's newsletter, books, local Alzheimer's Org meetings - the time came to step in when my dad died unexpectedly. It took a couple of months to get a handle on how much my dad had covered up my mom's decline but I convinced her that we were now a team and would work together to make sure she was taken care of. So I'd say learn as much as you can about your mom's condition and be a detached but observant daughter until you have to step in. That time will come. And best to be as prepared as possible.
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You didn't say why she needs to go back to the doctor. If the only reason you feel she should go back to the doctor is because of her memory loss, then there is nothing the doctor can do. Your Mom will get progressively worse as time goes by and she will have no resistance if she needs to go back to her MD for another medical reason and your Dad will comply if she has a medical need. Right now, your Dad doesn't want to upset her and he knows there is nothing he can do or the doctor can do. As long as she is taking her meds then I don't believe there is anything to worry about.
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Perhaps the doctors are withholding certain possibly helpful medications for Alzheimers because she as other health issues such as weak kidneys and liver.

Prescribing medications for the sick and elderly and frail typically requires walking a fine line.

Perhaps your father fears the side effects of the drugs and would prefer she live longer, even with her Alzheimers.

No, there is nothing you can do, if your father is of sound mind. As her spouse, his decisions, take precedence.

Sorry you are dealing with this complex situation.
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I like that statement, we are a team. When my hubby was w Dr. Who told us he had alz. Simple verbal test, I never confronted him w his alz but told him if he doesn't remember something just ask me. That phrase of being a team could give them the security they always need to know


you are w them. She may not be at that stage yet but will be. Our only reason for doc once a year is to sign LTC requirments. Could be for UTI, depression or falling, etc. Just do fun things w her now before you can't & don't bring up the bad. Always dwell on the fun times together as it could help dad too. Go to support group & spill your gut out. All there understand. You could pay for a counselor if group sharing hurts. Men may need that more. We have several men in support who started out in denial but few times w group came to realization. It is not the same husband/wife vs daughter/mom feelings. That's ok but that's why dad & you may not be on same page. Read all you can Alz Reading Room, Understanding the Dementia Experience, Teepa Snow. So many helps out there. Most of all remember there are 2 worlds. Your world you can chg things but in mom's world things cannot be chgd so accept it & move on w love & security she needs.
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Are you concerned that your mom won't go to the doctor to treat her Alzheimer's or does she need to see the doctor for some other health issue? The reason I ask is that the medications used to treat Alzheimer's aren't all that effective and come with side effects. Moreover, the elderly tend to take multiple medicines and when taken together these medications can reduce the effectiveness of drugs and increase the risk of unwanted side effects. See links below for explanations.

Not only that, but a diagnosis of Alzheimer's doesn't necessarily mean that your mom has Alzheimer's. There are a variety of reasons that someone could have dementia. Unfortunately, it's not always possible to figure out what form of dementia a person has without doing an autopsy.

Is your mom on a low fat , high sugar, high carbohydrate diet? If so, your mom could have type 3 diabetes, which causes symptoms similar to Alzheimer's due to insulin resistance in the brain. As we get older, we tend to need less sugar and more fat. About 70% of the brain is made of fat. A person needs good fat, such as avocado oil and coconut oil, to maintain brain functioning. Bad fat will merely increase body fat.

Does your mom suffer from other autoimmune conditions or has she ever suffered brain trauma? If so, she could be suffering from inflammation in the brain, which typically results in brain fog. Curcumin/turmeric and fish oil supplements can help reduce inflammation in the brain.

alz.org/alzheimers_disease_standard_prescriptions.asp
medicinenet.com/cholinesterase_inhibitors/article.htm#what_are_the_side_effects_of_cholinterase_inhibitors
medicinenet.com/memantine-oral/article.htm
sunriseseniorliving.com/blog/january-2018/could-alzheimers-really-be-type-3-diabetes.aspx
fda.gov/drugs/resourcesforyou/ucm163354.htm
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Love them the best you can and accept that your mom is stricken with a progressive disease that she will eventually die from. I am sure that both of your parents know and understand this, so let them make their own choices as long as they can, there will come a time when that will no longer be possible. It is a hard, heartbreaking journey, this dementia, you will be tried and tested, confused and frustrated like you never thought possible, so for now, do all you can to create happy times, you will need them in the future. One of the hardest things I've had to deal with on this journey, is my dad chose to disconnect from family as his very young wife was an abuser, so for 20 years no one knew him, then he gets very sick and her and her 2 kids he raised are gone and we are left with this complete stranger to care for. On the hard days, I wish so much that I had happy times to revisit. So that is why I recommend loving them right where they are and make happy times now.

May God give you strength and courage to walk this journey.

Hugs 2 u and your sister for caring enough to want to help your parents.
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Anna, you say your father is suffering. In what way? Besides treating your mother differently, what else might be done to improve your parents' situation?
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Could you or dad possibly call Dr and see if he could order something over phone? There are only a few meds given for alzheimers itself.
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One good thing by living in the same town as Mom I was aware of her medical needs. I was there for every hospital stay and later when Dementia set in, every doctor appointment. Not all parents are as forthcoming with their medical needs. Which is not a good thing. More than once I saved Mom from undergoing a test because I knew her medical history.

Our parents Don't like being told what to do by their children. You can suggest that's about it. You just have to let them alone until it gets to the point someone has to take over. POA needs to be gotten for the future. Too late for Mom and Dad to get on each other. Mom can't assign Dad with ALZ and Dad assigning Mom, can't she has ALZ. Too late for you getting one on Mom but maybe for Dad.

Maybe Dad will let you help. Like cleaning etc. Then you can keep up with what is going on. My Mom loved her neurologist. Never had a problem getting her there.
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The UCLA protocol recognizes that dementia can have many causes and those causes are often reversible:

1. Nutritional imbalances and deficiencies.
In particular, vitamin D and folate (vitamin B9) deficiencies.

2. Artificial food colors, flavors, and sweeteners.
Including aspartame.

3. Prescription medication side effects.
Including statin and ambien.

4. Inflammation from low-level infections, mold, food allergies, and Lyme Disease.

5. Stress and stagnation/inactivity.

6. Thyroid and other hormonal imbalances.
In particular, low levels of T3 thyroid hormone.

7. Mercury and other heavy metal poisoning.

Most medical doctors are trained in diagnosing and prescribing medications and performing surgery. (And Alzheimer's is often misdiagnosed.) Their training usually doesn't include getting an in-depth history of the patient and making sure the patient gets comprehensive testing. They receive little to no training in finding the root causes of diseases. They also receive little to no training in healthy living, including nutrition. 

Functional doctors look at the patient as a whole and typically do comprehensive testing to try to establish the root causes of diseases, but the field of functional medicine is relatively new. There doesn't seem to be any standards. Thus, finding a good functional doctor in your area may take time.

webmd.com/alzheimers/news/20110223/alzheimers-disease-may-be-misdiagnosed

The UCLA Protocol for Alzheimer's:

buckinstitute.org/buck-news/Memory-loss-associated-with-Alzheimers-reversed

It might be good to show your parents evidence-based information. 
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She may not be getting the full benefit that modern science has to offer by refusing to go back to the doctor, e.g. there may be some medication that can lessen her anxiety for one and maybe others. You won't know until she seeks the physician's help.
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Thank you everyone for the responses. She’s still fairly young (66 years old) so I just hate that I’m loosing her so early. But like everyone has said it’s their decision to treat her diagnoses they way they are. Her mom passed away when she was 65 with Alzheimer’s.
Speaking to someone, like a therapist is prob my best route.
Again, I really appreciate you all taking the time to give me suppprt and advice.
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i had the same issue with my mom and i finally found an answer. i looked all over until i found a home care doctor. yes, he and his assistance comes to the house for seniors who are declining. You can check with medicare for visiting nurses to help out also. it was a wonderful service and i told my mom that they were friends of mine that were nurses. she was fine with it and they slowly won my mother over. i don't know where you live but i would try the senior care services and yellow pages etc.hopefully you will be able to find some wonder people to help and care for your parent until the end as i did ....mom called them her three angels .....she passed recently three weeks after my dad did.
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Trying to force Mom to seek treatment is not going to work. Instead of putting your energy into this fight put it into offering assistance to Mom & Dad. Does Dad need a break? Offer to come spend a day with Mom or take her out to lunch so he can get some time for him. Who is doing the cooking and shopping? Call them up and tell them you are going to the store and ask if they need anything. Bring over a meal and tell them you were trying out a new recipe and didn't realize how much it made and it's too much for your family or that you were throwing a meatloaf together and made an extra one, do they want it?

When you are with Mom get out the old photo albums and talk about the people and places. Does Mom like puzzles, my mother, aunt & I could spend hours on a puzzle or a game of gin rummy. Was there a favorite dish Mom made that if she is up to it you can have her teach you how she made it? What were some of her favorite bands or music type, find them and play them for her.

I know it's hard to see the changes, just think how hard it is for Dad to see her struggle too. She has made her decision about her care. The hardest thing I've ever done was let my mother make the decision to go on comfort care and watch her struggle through those last few weeks.
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