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She wasn't feeling well so I took her to a clinic on Tuesday and stayed with her until the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. Thursday night she was diagnosed with viral pneumonia. She would get herself up and to the restroom but not be able to get back up off the toilet. I tried to help her but she was dead weight, couldn't move her limbs or plant her feet and would end up sliding down to the floor. It took me an hour and a half to get her back on her bed and left me very sore. The next day she got up by herself and dressed. She moved herself into the living room and into her chair. She refused to put in her hearing aids, but things seemed better most of the day. In the evening she wanted to go back to her room. I brought her walker and tried to assist her but she was like dead weight again with no ability to move her body. My sister came to help but we still couldn't get her up and she ended up sliding down to the floor again. We called EMS. At the hospital my sister brought up what had happened with her loss of control and my Mom said that it wasn't that she couldn't control her limbs and was unable to help our efforts to help her up, it was that she didn't want to. I am at a loss to understand why my Mom would do this. My brother drove 3 hrs to help out this weekend. She got herself up and dressed, they went out to eat and walked around the block together. This was the very next day after she couldn't or wouldn't move at all. How could she go from dead weight on the floor to walking around and being active the very next day? Is it emotional or physical? What do I do now if it happens again? My Mom and I have always been friends. I am at a loss as to why these dead weight episodes are happening.

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She needs to go into a skilled rehabilitation facility to regain her strength. I believe Medicare will pay for 21 days. After that, you will need to make a decision about placing her in a facility. You are going to harm your own body trying to lift her.
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Reply to Lylii1
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There is an aid for some of this. It is called a Patient lift Assist. It is like a hydraulic chair. Electrical. You move it to where the person has fallen and, if you can get the person into a sitting position, you can use the device to lift them up either onto a chair or into a bed. They sell them for less than $300 on Temu and they have them warehoused in US, so no tariffs. You might look into it.
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Reply to MTNester1
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Pneumonia is serious for the older person. We had a women in her 90's w/ a simple head cold. Instructed her to use nebulizer, but she wouldn't. Ended up with pneumonia and hospitalization, then rehab. Came back to independent living, but passed after 2-3 months from overall debility. Not uncommon.
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Reply to Nan333
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I agree with all I've read on suggestions however I would not leave her on the floor with a blanket and pillow shes your mom and has a serious illness for people her age she sould go back in to hospital and admitted do not leave until they can assure u this won't happen to you everyday because u cannot lift her so that may change her mind so she wont have to go in to hospital if she can control it and its mental because she will know that last time she did it u left her in hospital 4 days or whatever and Noone likes sitting in the hospital . And if its not controllable then they can see it for them selves. And figure it out she may just burn out of energy and its got to be addressed and her daily activities planned around it . Sorry your having these issues stayy strong and dont take no for a awnser at doctor you will have to push to get her in most likely but your her advocate and its a must to figure out this issue .
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MargaretMcKen Nov 30, 2025
Hi! I have a lot of back pain, and lying flat on the floor works best for me. Sometimes with a hot water bottle under me, sometimes (in the night) with a blanket. I just don't see this as a 'dreadful thing to do'. And in OP's case, it is a genuinely useful way to work out just what the problem is. Taking people to hospital when it is very stressful and unnecessary is not 'nice' for anyone involved.
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Let me tell you this....when my mother was 92 and came down with pneumonia, the hospital kept her nearly a week, on heavy duty IV antibiotics, then sent her to rehab for 20 days in Skilled Nursing care to recover. She nearly died.

Your mother has not received proper medical care in the hospital. Instead of walking around the block, she should be sent to a better hospital that will treat her seriously. I hope you realize mom is not playing games by being dead weight, but trying to function and showing you she's unable to. Take this seriously, please.
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StacyAa Nov 30, 2025
Absolutely agree with this. The OP's mom needs to be in a hospital at her age, not sent home with meds. Pneumonia is one of the most serious illnesses a very old person can have, and for that hospital to have sent the mom home is negligence. I'm sure the mom isn't being "difficult" but she's SICK, everything is harder when you're sick.

Good heavens, as someone with chronic illnesses I can attest to the fact that illness makes you just want to sit and not do anything sometimes, even just get out of a chair. I totally understand where this mom is coming from.
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Pneumonia is often a game changer in the elderly. The dead weight episodes don’t surprise me at all, having been through many times of it with my dad. Know that it’s not safe to lift her yourselves, you can inadvertently cause harm to her or yourself. We called the paramedics many times to safely lift my dad, they did so quickly and well, checking him for injury, and preserving his dignity with kindness. As much as one can, prepare yourself for the eventual loss of mom, she’s had a long life, but she’s weakening. It’s normal and inevitable. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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They are good till they aren't. At Moms age, pneumonia can do a number on her. I was always told that antibiotics do not work on viruses. Just have to let the virus run its course. Internet seems to back that up. Plenty of rest, liquids and fever reducers.

"Viral pneumonia is a lung infection caused by a virus that leads to inflammation in the lungs, making breathing difficult as air sacs fill with fluid or pus. Early symptoms resemble the flu, including fever, dry cough, headache, muscle pain, and weakness, which develop over several days. This condition can be caused by various viruses and differs from bacterial, fungal, or parasitic pneumonia.  

Symptoms
Fever
Dry cough
Headache
Muscle pain
Weakness
Symptoms of severe pneumonia can include shortness of breath, chest pain, and a cough that produces mucus. 
Causes
Viral pneumonia is caused by viruses, but other types of pneumonia can be caused by bacteria, fungi, or parasites.

How it develops
Symptoms often develop over a period of several days. 
The infection causes inflammation in the lungs, and the air sacs may fill with fluid or pus, which can make it difficult to breathe."
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Is your Mom currently being treated for the pneumonia? Like, antibiotics or some other therapy? I too wonder why she was sent home so soon. More information would be helpful for context.

It is very odd that she is mobile and functioning one day (and seemingly in the morning or early part of the day) and then later she stops functioning or has her "dead weight" episodes. It could be Sundowning, but a very odd version of it.

Or, maybe she now has only enough energy to function part of the day and after that her tank is empty? My Mom is 96 and living semi-independently in her own home (next to mine). She will go great guns all morning cleaning or doing yard work but then she'll call me up to say she's too tired to even make a simple dinner. She doesn't have the cognitive ability to plan ahead to ration her energy throughout the day, even when I remind her to do so.

You Mom refusing to put in her hearing aids, and refusing to help herself even though it creates chaos for others can be symptoms of dementia, since it robs people of their ability to use logic, reason and empathy. Irrational stubbornness is definitely a symptom.

Her behaviors are still pretty fresh as of this writing -- not even a week has passed. I would give it some time and then if she doesn't improve or gets worse, you will need to contact her primary care physician for guidance (and of course 911 if things get really bad).

I agree with the suggestion to have her sleep exactly where she ends up on the floor and see if that moves the needle in terms of discouraging this behavior.

I wish you success in figuring out what's going on and making decisions for her in the future. Also please don't neglect yourself while you're in the middle of this weird situation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Viral pneumonia would seriously impair the lungs capacity to oxygenate themselves. Given she likely had a very low O2 sat, her brain was NOT getting the oxygen it needed to function. There is part of the simple answer.

More complex is her age. Pneumonia was once called "The old person's friend" that meaning it was the "friend" that ushered the elder to the pearly gates. As in it helped them to DIE. It is a killer for the elderly and fragile.

I would discuss with your mother's doctor the aging process and learn how you can learn more yourself what happens to us in old age. As an RN I can tell you that if we live long enough we return to being speechless, unable to eat and unable to eat, and that final stages, should we have to live through them, sends us curled into a fetal position much like the day before we were born.

You are an adult. You have lived in the world. I know you have witnessed all around you the aging process that begins from the day we are born and progresses through our lives.

I think this isn't so much a matter of your not knowing and understanding what is now happening for your mother. She is nearing the end of her life and she is weakening in ALL manner of ways from muscles to bones to tendons to vessels to heart to lungs to kidneys. The real question here now is how long you can manage to do what will become what we in nursing called "total care". It is terribly difficult at best and impossible at worst for one person to accomlish.
My heart goes out to you. I wish you and your mother the best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I'm with the others here in questioning why your mom was sent home with pneumonia, as that is one of the top killers of the elderly. Something doesn't seem right here.
Perhaps the reason your mom is having these "dead weight" episodes is that she's not getting enough oxygen to her brain because of the pneumonia and it's affecting her ability for her brain to tell her legs to cooperate.
Your mom is NOT playing games with you by telling you that she just "didn't want to" get up, but is instead letting you know that something WAY more serious is going on.
I hope you're listening and paying attention before it's too late.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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MargaretMcKen Nov 29, 2025
You may be right, but trying to check for one episode is a quick way to be sure.
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Did they send her home without medications? Viral pneumonia can be dangerous if left untreated. Your mom should have been admitted to the hospital not sent back home with no care instructions.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Why was she not admitted to hospital with an alleged diagnosis of VIRAL PNEUMONIA?

Your Mom is 93 and has a very dangerous infection. Being "friends" has nothing to do with her obvious weakness from pneumonia.

"My Mom said that it wasn't that she couldn't control her limbs and was unable to help our efforts to help her up, it was that she didn't want to." That is suggesting she doesn't want to live. These episodes are happening because she is exhausted and needs oxygen for her PNEUMONIA. Or she is pretending to get attention?

When it happens again, call 911 and have her taken to the ER. Do not try to pick her up yourself again. She needs to be admitted to the hospital and oxygen be provided. Pneumonia is the major killer of the elderly. I'm amazed you don't realize this and INSIST she be admitted to the hospital.

Ask her Doctor (or who diagnosed viral pneumonia) what is going on?
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Reply to Dawn88
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It’s difficult to answer this, but if it really is simply that “she didn’t want to”, one option is to leave her where she is. A pillow, blanket cover to keep her warm, and the floor until she gets tired of it. It’s quite safe and hygenic on most floors. It’s worth trying once, at least. While it may be dementia or some other issue, unfortunately it seems to be the case that some elders decide that they want to be the centre of attention and be waited on. Calling the bluff might sort out whether that’s the case here. It could also be safer for you, your back and your sister, and safer for M than if you drop her trying to get her up.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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MG8522 Nov 29, 2025
This is an interesting perspective. I know of a woman who would "accidentally" fall out of her wheelchair and then sit or lie there as dead weight when she was first moved to memory care because she thought if she was sent to the ER she could leave there and go back to her original residence.
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