Oh my mother went through years of this. Finally I figured out she was talking about the home she grew up in as a child & that it was more of a secure feeling she was searching for. It is scary to feel you’re losing your mind. You have to put blind faith in others to be in charge of you. You want the feeling you had when your mother was caring for you. Time eventually stopped my mom from wanting to go “home” & to the other house but reassurance, a kind soft voice & calling loved ones like her brother made her feel a bit better.
Hatethis, good idea to keep the care keys hidden, as I soon found out when my 92+ year old dad lived with my family. Also, like you, I discovered that when he wanted to go "home," just taking him for a car ride usually worked because he quickly forgot where/why were were going. "Home" to him was the place where his mom and dad raised him. He didn't remember any of the three homes where he and my mother raised their children (and grandchildren) over their 67 years together.
Later, after we moved him to a memory care facility, when he wanted me to take him "home," I would tell him I couldn't right then because all I had was a bicycle (which I showed him parked in his room), but that I could take him first thing in the morning after a good night's sleep and a nice hot breakfast. That usually satisfied him, but when it didn't, then I would walk the halls with him looking for an exit until his legs got too tired and/or he forgot where he wanted to go. Kudos to you for taking care of your mom. Best wishes as you find the best ways to navigate this journey with her.
Your mother’s brain is broken. The “ride-to-nowhere” can work for a while, and then will stop. Going “home” means whatever she’s remembering IN THE MOMENT.
Her brain is no longer able to learn new ideas or put to use facts that she knows from the past to make sense of her present.
The more you can “stay with her IN HER MOMENT”, the easier it will be, but it’s NEVER
I’m touched by your nickname, because it’s so painfully true. With my LOs, the inability to soothe them when they wanted nothing but HOME was a special kind of Hell. Many of us experience this one.
Be SURE to take really good care of yourself as you go through this with her.
Thank you, It turned out just taking her for a ride and coming back home worked. I tried taking her to her earlier home and she said no that was not where she wanted to go.
Later, after we moved him to a memory care facility, when he wanted me to take him "home," I would tell him I couldn't right then because all I had was a bicycle (which I showed him parked in his room), but that I could take him first thing in the morning after a good night's sleep and a nice hot breakfast. That usually satisfied him, but when it didn't, then I would walk the halls with him looking for an exit until his legs got too tired and/or he forgot where he wanted to go. Kudos to you for taking care of your mom. Best wishes as you find the best ways to navigate this journey with her.
Your mother’s brain is broken. The “ride-to-nowhere” can work for a while, and then will stop. Going “home” means whatever she’s remembering IN THE MOMENT.
Her brain is no longer able to learn new ideas or put to use facts that she knows from the past to make sense of her present.
The more you can “stay with her IN HER MOMENT”, the easier it will be, but it’s NEVER
I’m touched by your nickname, because it’s so painfully true. With my LOs, the inability to soothe them when they wanted nothing but HOME was a special kind of Hell. Many of us experience this one.
Be SURE to take really good care of yourself as you go through this with her.