My 93 year old mother has dementia/Alzheimer's. When sundowner's would start every afternoon she would want to go home and was worried that she hadn't been to see her mother in awhile. At times, I would respond "I'm sure she is fine." Sometimes she would ask if her mother was still spending the night at her sister's house. I would then start talking about how she very much enjoyed staying at her sister's house (which was true when she was alive) or some days I might say I'm not sure because I haven't seen her in awhile. There were a couple of times she asked "Mama is still living isn't she?" and somehow with this question I felt it was okay to tell her she had passed and she took it well. I would just try to enter her reality whatever it happened to be on that particular day. Good luck to you. Know this is hard to deal with.
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Reply to Countrygal55

My mom did too. I made the huge mistake of trying to straighten out her thinking a couple of times. Then never did again. If she wanted to call her I would tell her it was too late there, she would be asleep. Or she is on vacation for another couple of days we would call when they got back. Mom had dementia, she was not able to reason or understand. She would get angry sometime wondering why nobody had told her of mom's passing.

Take it easy on yourself Letta, throw up the white flag, you will never win this one. Instead use a reason of why you cannot call her.
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Reply to gladimhere

Is there a reason that you have to let her know? Pops thinks his mom is still alive, most of the time he thinks I'm her. He thinks his father is our son. I don't tell him that his parents are dead. I just let it go or make something up as needed. So far he's ok with that.
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Reply to faeriefiles

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