My mom talks nice to my other brothers and sisters on the phone but not me. Why is that and she lives with me?

The behavior is par for the course. I'm sick of it myself. I read how caregivers need to be patient, and to just tolerate it. Easy for them to say!

You need to get the 8 other kids on board, or get Mom placed somewhere. Don't let yourself be trapped. I know how you feel!

Happy Holidays to you, I get it. Time to make a new plan in 2024.

I was the scapegoat to my mother, I did most everything for her, my brother visited her once or twice a year, stayed for a few hours and left. At one time he lived 4 miles from her and never visited. Me I lived anywhere between 700-1200 miles away.

He was the Golden Boy. I was nothing to her, her servant.

Well, I had enough, I stopped talking to her 13 years ago, the happiest 13 years of my adult life.

Time to think of you, have your siblings take over, she will not change, it is you who needs to.

Sounds like its time for placement. There is an old saying: "Familiarity breeds contempt." Some people realize that they can dish out any behavior and you will still stick around for it.

Three years is long enough. Mom has lived her life. It is time to live yours again.

Normal. Perfectly normal not ONLY in those with dementia, but for those who are not challenged in any way.
Think about it.
How nice are you to family you never see much of?
And how nice are you to family that lives with you? Hubby, kids, etc.

When you think about it, it is extremely difficult for humans to live with ANYONE, and the closer you are the less inhibited. You will feel more free and honest with family you live with, but you will also take out a bad mood on those closest to you.

So I am calling this common question "that's perfectly normal".
You can sing it to the tune of "We always hurt the ones we love, the ones we shouldn't hurt at all".

I have no idea why this happens but I can say that it is common behavior for many parents.

My mom lived with me for over a decade. I did everything for her. Yet, there were times when she seemed to favor my brothers who didn’t do anything much for her.

I suppose that she missed them since they didn’t visit her often and was happy to speak to them on the phone or visit with them when they did come by.

I hope that you are taking regular breaks so that you are able to get adequate rest for yourself. Caregiving is one of the toughest jobs ever. It is physically and emotionally exhausting.

Thanks for the advice. Dementia is a hard thing. I am trying to hang in there but I need to find some relief.

Its because she lives with you. You are the "gate keeper". The one that makes her shower, dress, go to bed, can't go out without you. Her other children do not need to do this. Its the Dementia, in my opinion, they become like a toddler and a toddler does not like being told what to do. You are now the parent and she is the child.

I hope you'll find a wonderful place for mom to go. She needs to be out of your house.

Dementia is a difficult thing, and caregiving someone with this condition is very difficult. She needs full-time professional caregivers now, and she'll get that somewhere else. Make sure she gets there!