My mom suffering with dementia had 2 bad UTI's in about 1 months time. Now she is refusing medications again, saying she's afraid. Advice?

Karyll, you are at that painful intersection when you have to make a decision and neither of them make you or your LO happy. I think you know in your heart that the caregiving is only going to get more intense and you are already exhausted. Let's talk practical stuff now: did your mom give Durable Power of Attorney to either you or your brother (or both of you)? If her dementia is pretty far along, you may need to apply for guardianship if you want to retain the ability to make choices on her behalf in the future. Being her daughter won't legally qualify you.

What is her financial state? Does she have anything more than social security? Does she own a house or have investments, savings? If not you will need to apply for Medicaid for her. You should not be paying for any of her care, now or in the future. It will break you financially.

You can call social services right now and have her assessed for in-home services but they can only provide so much (meal making, light house keeping), But as I stated before, her care will only get more intense. Please read the forum on Caregiver Burnout.

It sounds like she will need memory care if her cognitive issues aren't all from the UTIs (which are extremely common and constant, same with my MIL). Please visit several facilities to find one you feel comfortable with. Hopefully it will be in close proximity to you. Make sure they offer complete care, all the way up to hospice, so your mom won't need to be moved if it comes to this. Make sure the facility accepts Medicaid. Since Medicaid beds are scarce, get her into your place of choice before she goes onto Medicaid. They cannot kick her out once she is on it (but if the facility doesn't accept MC, they CAN kick her out). She will be in a shared room but will receive the same care as the private-pay residents.

Sorry to flood you with all this info...it's like drinking from a fire hose...this website has many caring and wise people who can answer almost any question so check back. Wishing you peace about your mom's care.

UTIs are serious. They cause Dementia like symptoms. She could start hitting you. She will become septic if you don't get her propper care. I would not wait until PT shows up.

When she is in the hospital again, make sure she is catherized to make sure all the bad urine is removed. The problem with the elderly is they don't void completely. Throw in incontinence and Depends...

She will probably need IV again. Have them try something different than before. She should have a culture to make sure exactly what antibiotic should be used. While on antibiotics they should have her on a probiotic and a cranberry tablet. If the cranberry tablet is not given, its OTC and can be given when she gets home. No cranberry juices, they contain sugar.

Your Mom needs to realize that she could die if the UTI is not taken care of.

I understand that you want to do all you can, but the fact is, how much more CAN you humanly do?
If you can ever get D Mannose powder into her drinks, I swear by it. I was getting average four infections a year with much traveling up to kidney and pyelonephritis. Since on D Mannose about a decade I have had NOT A SINGLE bladder infection. I recommended to two friends, one of Facebook, one in my local dog park. Same results. We had all been on board to have to take daily prophylactic antibiotics. D Mannose is a simple sugar (can be taken by diabetics, that keeps bacteria from adhereing to bladder wall; is much better than cranberry and no acid. I was an RN and DO NOT believe in supplements, but I sure do believe in this. I take source natural capsules, one a day, they are from Amazon and about 120 for 30.00. There are other sources, but I stick with the one I know works for me. Can be taken as a powder so she doesn't know she is taking it.

Thanks all for your answers. My mom went back to hospital day after she was home from rehab. All tests good. Even a urine sample from a straight catheter. I believe showed no more infection after the culture check. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid. I feel so guilty I put her in a rehab for 5 nights after her hospitalization. I keep thinking maybe if we took her right home she wouldn't have gotten as worse as she has. She refused her meds there and refused P.T. too. She hates to be without my brother and me. She is really so sweet with exception of refusing meds in morning. As day goes by she takes her meds more easily. We are really living our lives to care for her now with exception of getting out few hours at a time. I've heard about D-mannose and want to order some from Amazon. Don't know the right one to get. If person who recommended to me I would appreciate so much if you can tell me the name. I feel overwhelmed with making the right decision. My mom is really not much work, especially in the afternoon. She rests on couch and sleeps a while and watches tv. I want to get her up soon to see if she's able to do a little walking with her walker. I wanted to know if anyone had any suggestions of how to get her to take her meds. I want to do the right thing. I love her so much. Hate this dementia and old age!!!!