My mom is 84 and having trouble caring for my dad (85) at home. His dementia is growing worse, he often refuses to eat or bathe and he no longer cares to socialize with their friends. He's also incontinent and she has difficulty keeping him clean. He hurt his shoulder and it bothers him so he wanders all night and screams in pain most mornings till around noon. That means she gets little rest and the doctors say there's nothing they can do for his pain. (He has no stomach due to stomach cancer so he can only take Tylenol which doesn't help.) Mom thinks an assisted living facility with a private room near her house would be a great option. She could spend time with him every day there and participate in activities with him but still maintain her own health and independence at home. My sister is infuriated and wants mom to hire round the clock care at home instead. Mom doesn't want to have to live with a third party in her small ranch style home and feels she'd be giving up any freedom she may have in the few remaining years of her own life. I see both sides. Each wants my support. Both my sister and I live too far away to be a daily or weekly relief system for our parents so I feel my mom should have the final word, I guess, but if mom makes this choice, I think my sister will completely cut her off. My mom is a higher strung person who doesn't deal well with stress and I know she's doing her best but truthfully, it might be better for my dad to be away from her for periods during the day because she gets frustrated and has meltdowns. But I can't convince sis. She's aghast that mom would even consider putting dad in assisted living and thinks it's cruel and cold. Needless to say, dad also doesn't want to leave his home or his wife. I do feel bad that my mom doesn't want to try home health first but with no kids nearby, I understand that she'd have to always have another person in her home and she's just not the type to be comfortable with that scenario.