My mom REFUSES to be alone! Help!

Follow
Share

My mom has early Parkinson's disease. She is ok to live alone but just doesn't want to. She calls me at least 30 (I'm not kidding) times a day or texts. No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing she wants to go. Whether it's with my friends or my husband or even to the gym. I TELL her there are facilities where she wouldn't be alone. She REFUSES, says she has to be with her kids 24/7. HELP!!!! I've tried getting her hobbies and games with other seniors. Nope... has to be my kids. And to be honest, when I was a kid she NEVER wanted me around!

Find Care & Housing
3

Answers

Show:
You might need to limit the calls to/from mom to 1-2 times per week for your own sanity.

I went through this with my mom a few years back when she was still living alone. She would call multiple times a day, always with some kind of drama because she had started getting paranoid and was afraid to be alone. She even called the police multiple times telling them she heard intruders outside. I had to learn to set boundaries for me and my family's sake, and even went no contact for a period of time when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter (high risk and on modified bedrest) and couldn't deal with the stress and drama at the time.

Now she can no longer live alone due to her health and her mental/cognitive issues, so she is staying with us temporarily until we can get her into AL. Her neediness and fear of being alone has only gotten worse over the years. She too follows me around the house all day, gets up when I get up and most of the time goes to bed only when I do, which leaves me little quality time with my hubby and kids. I realized I can't do this long term without going nuts.

You might need to tell her that in addition to limiting the calls, that you will not have as much time to devote to her because of things in your own life to attend to (you don't need to say what). Set a limit of x days per week/month. It would then be on her to find other ways besides you to deal with her fear of being alone.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Newtothis - I can sympathize with you. My mother is like that, too. She wants to go with me everywhere. She follows me around the house, even to the bathroom. She sticks to me like a leech.

Like your mother, mine doesn't want her own friends whom she forgot , or her own hobbies or do anything on her own besides watching TV.

The problem is she lives with me, so it's hard for me to get away from her. I do try though.

I snick out when she's in her room.
I tell her I need to take the car to the mechanic and have to walk back. Since she can't walk more than a few minutes, she can't go.
She doesn't like cold places, so I tell her I'm taking the kids to ski, or ice skate.

Basically, I make up lies so I can get away from the house without her, or just snick out.

I see in your profile that your mother lives in a independent facility. So, you're not with her. Her incesant calls and texts can really make your blood pressure go up.

Can you make up things to pacify her? Tell her you now have a job from such and such hours and won't be available for calls. Then don't answer her calls or texts.

You need to be firm and tell her you will be with her on such dates/times and stick to that schedule. In fact, give her a monthly calendar where you mark dates/times you will go see her, that way she will know when and hopefull bother you less.

Protect your sanity and your life and your marriage.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to polarbear
Report

It sounds like Mom has more than PD. She’s definitely got anxiety issues. Is she afraid of falling? Does she understand what PD is? Having a disease and not knowing what it is or what to expect is scary. My mom wanted to live through me, too. She had no friends or outside interests. But, when she moved into a senior apartment, lo and behold, she went down in Tuesday’s for bingo and sat with other women in the lobby and talked with them. She also started taking the community bus to the grocery. If her mind is sharp, just say “No, we’re going by ourselves. But maybe you and I can have lunch later this week.” Don’t be afraid to say “Not this time.” And don’t let her intimidate you.

As for the calls and texts, just don’t answer. I would ask if she’d like a Life Alert or one of the other wearable emergency response devices.

I’m sure you feel a bit angry that after her treatment of you when you were a child she now expects you to be her best friend and constant source of entertainment. Maybe she feels guilty? 
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report