My mom recently told me she is unable to pay her bills anymore and wants to sell her home. Any advice on next step?

I would do what Alva suggests, get a fiduciary. That way your out of the picture. And tell Mom that. That she does not except any help you have tried to give or any suggestions. That she will need to find someone to help her other than you. Tell her since your sister seems to know better, ask her to help.

If Mom lands in the hospital again, allow the discharge people to find Mom a rehab. And if Moms leg doesn't heal right or has a problem with standing, do not let her blame you. Tell Mom that it was Sister who claimed she was in a NH and Mom chose to leave. So, since she thinks sister knows better than sister can help her.

I am 72 yrs old and my DH is 75. My 2 girls are under 45. I think my husband and I are very capable of selling our house. When she sells the house, that mortgage will be paid off at closing leaving Mom with what is left.

There is really not much you can do. Mom is not incompetent just not good with money.

I think if your mother is as angry and non-appreciative as you make her sound it may not be wise to be her POA or to advise her or help her in her plans. You may wish to have her visit a licensed fiduciary to comb through her cost of living, her mortgage, her home equity and her bills to make herself a plan but to be frank I would stay out of her firing range and would not make myself a target. It sounds as though she has been unwise in her purchasing and in her savings and now is in a pickle and my fear is that with her attitude it will become YOUR FAULT. I served as my brother's POA and the Trustee of his estate, and at his request, and it was meticulously well ordered and easy relatively, and he was picture perfect cooperative. That said it was HARD WORK.
My caution is that there will be no help for Mom if you are all the help, and I doubt you will get ANY thanks for it. I am pretty realistic in how quickly things can go south, because at 80 I have seen so much travel in that general direction. Wishing you the best.
Meanwhile give Mom the phone numbers of every single senior asset in your community from Meals on Wheels on down.
Good luck.

I hope you have POA, if not have Mom assign you and make it Immediate. This means when she signs you will have some control. Its a tool. If Mom is competent to make decisions, then you need to allow her to make them. But you will have easier excess to her finances. With me, I have immediate POA for my nephew. I am on all his accounts so have access to his statements. I just oversee at this point. But if he becomes incompetent, I don't have to worry about getting a formal diagnosis to make my POA effective.

Mom needs to be transparent. You need to know how she stands with her mortgage, her credit cards, her bank accounts. Is she paying her taxes? I would freeze her credit cards at this point, especially if you can't trust sister. No more spending and try to get balance down. Be aware that the minimum payment covers more on the interest side than the principle. So the more you can throw against the balances the better. Once you know where Mom stands financially you can go from there.

Mom is only 75 but u never know when Medicaid will be needed. In most states there is a 5yr look back. Medicaid requires that a home be sold at Market Value. So make sure it sells at a good price. Pay everything off if possible. Of course taxes and water are always the first thing that needs to be paid. If she makes a profit, secure the money someway. Something allowing her to withdraw maybe monthly but that sister cannot get to. Like an annuity. You set up what your withdrawal will be monthly.

Now, its where will Mom go. In my area there are HUD apartments which require 30% of your monthly income for rent. They have elevators, maybe transportation, activities. Then there are low income 55 and up apartments. I would check these out prior to the sale and get her name on the list. Do not consider allowing her to move in unless there is no other choice. I would also make sure she knows its only a temporary fix.

I am 72 and I can see where owning a home alone would be overwhelming. My DH, 75, does not work in the yard like he used to. The property needs a good power washing. We have some stuff inside that needs to be done. If my DH had passed, this house would be up for sale. I am tired of the upkeep.

Has she actually asked you for help or did she just make a statement about her situation? I would ask her what SHE plans on doing about this? Tell her that you can help guide her through her options but you aren't going to bother if she plans on fighting you every step of the way. Nothing worst than trying to help someone who shoots down every suggestion you make. Is she willing to show you all her financial records? If not, just walk away. You can't help if she insists you do it blind.

As others have said, be an advocate for her but do not be her solution to her problem.

If she can't do the activities of daily living then it is time for a needs assessment and a facility placement.

Her failure to plan does not constitute an emergency for you.

Choices have consequences and you don't really want to have to suffer her consequences. From what you have said, you will become a statistic if you move her in to your home and then she will end up in a facility, without an advocate.

That she listens to your sister to her own detriment and has you stepping and fetching is a HUGE taste of what will be your existence. Notice I didn't say life? Yeah, because you won't have one. You will exist to serve her and her BS.

Go to www.nelf.org to find a certified elder law attorney. Take all of moms paperwork, mortgages, CC stmts, just everything and ask them what MOM needs to do to ensure she qualifies for public assistance because she can't live alone or handle her affairs any longer.

Be an advocate, NOT a solution.

I feel like this is my issue because she has no one else to help her. She can't even get to the grocery store or do laundry.

Thanks for your input. She has seen a psychiatrist for years and is treated with medication, although I don't think it's helping. So I made a call to her dr recently to have the meds changed/increased. I am also a working registered nurse. My mom got herself in a bind as my older sister lived there for years and I believe my mom took out a 2nd mortgage to get some house repairs but also to help my sister financially (who was not working). I'm so upset by the whole situation. My mom says no one wants her to live with them because of "the way she is". She is very argumentative and doesn't want to listen to my advice about much of anything. When she was discharged from the hospital after this traumatic leg injury (she used a step ladder to remove duck tape on the outside from an air conditioner and lost her balance) I set up for her to go to a Rehab facility until she was able to bare weight. My sister got wind of it and told my mom I was placing her in a nursing home and how awful I was. But the facility is a rehab/nursing home for a temporary time. My mom refused to go so now she is home and is fearful the wiring in the house is not safe and the house will catch on fire. (Part of her anxiety is OCD and thinking the worst of everything) Here I am working countless hours during a pandemic and my mom has recklessly used credit cards and now tells me she can't afford her bills anymore and she doesn't know what she's going to do.

If your mom sells her home (and then the money goes to pay off the 2nd mortgage and any bills if there's leftover)... where will she go if she doesn't have enough money to even pay rent? Unless she is willing to consider Section 8 housing. And depending on her state and county, there might be long waiting lists.

You can only help her if she cooperates or you are her DPoA and she either gives you permission to manage her affairs or has too much cognitive decline to function in her own best interests. You would need to read the wording in the PoA document to see if you need 1 (or more) diagnosis of incapacity. If you are a Durable PoA you might not need any diagnosis, just her permission.

If she cooperates (and even if you're not her PoA) then make an appointment with an accountant who can sort through the mess and tell her where she's at and what it would take for her to improve her financial situation (or at least get clarity on it, and get it under control). She may need to file bankruptcy and I don't know the consequences of that in regards to her Medicaid qualification in the future.

So, you're sort of in a loop with her: she needs to cooperate and provide full transparency of her financial spending/debts in order to start sorting it out. If she doesn't cooperate, it may be because of her depression, or she has cognitive/memory impairment, which means you will either need to activate your PoA or convince her to assign you as her DPoA. Her "not telling you everything" can also be interpreted as her not remembering things or being confused by it.

Would she be willing to see her doctor regarding her depression and possible meds to address it? If she is willing to go such an appointment, go with a pre-written note that you discretely hand to the staff telling the doctor your concerns about her cognitive/memory problems and to give her a cognitive/memory test so that it gets into her record and you know what you're dealing with. Also ask them to test her for a UTI, just to discount it. Pick a place to start with your mom, as this is not going to solve itself. You can always contact APS if she never cooperates. I wish you much success in making headway.

Don't make her financial issues yours by paying her bills or for a lawyer.