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She's 81 and can mostly take care of herself. She has been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's. She doesn't always remember to take her meds and mostly eats snack foods. She has a beloved dog she takes care of, so we'd like her to stay at home as long as possible.


Would home care be a good option for her? When she has uncontrolled diarrhea sometimes it takes a while to get help and she waits on the toilet for help because she is too weak to get up and clean herself and the bathroom. My brother lives in the area, but his work takes him a couple of hours away. I live in another state, but visit quite often for weeks at a time.

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"so we'd like her to stay at home as long as possible".

*As long as possible*

What does *possible* look like?

What does the situation look like now?

Unsafe eating. Unsafe meds. Falls risk +++ Sanitary issues.

Yes imho hire Home Care. It may extend how long *possible* is.

With more 'eyes' better routine of meds & meals may even help the bowel issues 🤞

It may also help bridge the gap into acceptance of the new realities coming. It is a HUGE acceptance the family must make.

(In my lot there is someone home alone, although safe with meds & competent, also incontinent, poor eating, frequent falls. Home care visits have definately extended the *possible* time at home but to me it is way into overtime now. Denial seems to be the sticking point & it will probably only change when an absolute crises or major injury occurs).

Home care now. Then start planning fro the future.
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Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Her primary care is aware of the diarrhea problem, but mostly tells me about how to treat it, not prevent it. I'll talk to him again.

We'll look into home care services in her area.
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Get the dog out of there. He/she should not have to live that way. It seems it is time for placement for mom.
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Sounds like mom needs some in home care especially to remind her to take her meds.

A trip to the primary is needed to address the diarrhea. Ask about putting her on a probiotic. Her regular prescriptions should be reviewed.

My mom eats way too much ice cream during the short times she is alone and it brings on diarrhea.
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Your mom probably shouldn't be living alone anymore and would benefit from homecare services. Yes, the caregiver will help her out in the bathroom and clean up. She should see her doctor though. The diarrhea could be anything. Maybe her medications need to be adjusted. The doctor can find this out.
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She needs to be checked by a doctor. My mother had uncontrolled diarrhea because she had celiac disease as a senior. And then she also had scleroderma so she couldn’t hold in nutrients. An aide can help in the home and perhaps anti diarrhea medications.
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Sorry, but you are describing an elder that should not be living alone at all! A woman with early Alzheimer's who has uncontrolled diarrhea, 'waits on the toilet for help b/c she is too weak to get up and clean herself and the bathroom' is in no condition to be living alone. Your mother needs to have live in help or she needs to move into Assisted Living with Memory Care available. That way, when she needs help, it's either there in her home or within minutes availability when she presses a help button or pulls a cord. Dementia alone is reason to stop living alone; your mother can burn the house down easily by forgetting she left the stove on! She can mix ammonia & bleach together to give the bathroom a 'good clean' and wind up asphyxiating herself. That's just two out of 1000 different scenarios that are possible once dementia sets in. She can take a 'step down' with the Alzheimer's rather quickly, and progress from the early stage to the moderate stage in the blink of an eye. I've seen it with my own mother who suffers from dementia; we visited her today in Memory Care and it shocks me how out of it she is every time we see her. Sometimes she's pretty lucid, but other times she's 'riding the bus to the city to see mama & papa' who have been dead since 1985 and 1943 respectively.

Everyone would love to 'age in place' and/or 'stay at home as long as possible' but it's no longer safe for your mother to do so. At least not alone, anyway. Home care tends to be more expensive than Assisted Living, so figure out what her finances are and go from there. Don't put it past her to start wandering out the front door one of these days, either, and that's when things get really ugly. This is not to scare you; just to tell you how things truly ARE when ALZ/dementia are at play. Learn all you can about the condition and what to expect at Alz.org

Wishing you the best of luck finding the right care situation for your mother. I know how difficult the whole scenario truly is. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
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BurntCaregiver Sep 2021
lealonnie1,

Homecare isn't more expensive or even as much as AL is if it's planned right.
The average AL facility cost in my state is about 6 thousand a month.
If a private live-in caregiver was hired at a grand a week, a family could have up to 2 thousand a month in savings. Give the live-in weekends off even by having a family member stay at the mother's house or taking the mother to their home.
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Personal opinion here but...I do not think a person that has been diagnosed with any form of dementia should live alone.
Yes you should have caregivers that come in daily.
Yes they will take care of helping her in the bathroom
They will do light housecleaning
They can help with making meals.
If living alone is a must then you should place cameras so that you can monitor what she is doing and where she is.
She should also have some sort of tracker on her so that if she wanders out of the house you will be aware of it and can locate her.
Many Memory Care and AL will allow a resident to bring a dog IF they are able to care for it otherwise a paid dog walker could come a few times a day and take the dog out. (small / toy dogs can be litter box trained.)
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