Well my when your mother in with early stage of Alzheimer’s /Dementia she still thinking your best bet is to go to free legal aid they will help you get with DPOA that’s for medical and financial take care business they do Wills and Advanced Directive‘s .Another one a best bet is to get Mother’s Access to see if she’s qualified for Medicaid which is a great help that’s only if she has less than $2000 in her savings if not they will go back five years so your best bet is to help her move her money her stocks or bonds sell her house or whatever it is need to be done now .They says the progress is slow depends on what type of Alzheimer’s / Dementia she has progressed it’s different for each individual so don’t go by what somebody tells you . Each person are different. When you are there at Free Legal Services get yours done also we might not be thinking about it but they have one called spring back so you could check into that .You can place statement ttake over the person that you agreed to take over once you’re incompetent so you can have that like spring into action OK my best bet is to let you know that this is a journey and it’s hers it gets worse then she declines if you’re not gray haired now you soonbe .this is a tough job it is not easy and if she has additional medical with problems you have that on top so be prepared you will be the taxi appointments the food the bathing the clothing for sleeping it does not stop and start looking into facilities get an idea of what type of facilities and you want to try to do a one shop that means if she declines they just move her in the same facility if not you have to move her from facility to facility so that’s not what you’re looking for .Facility Cost 👀 and waiting list. OK God bless
My mom obsessed about money - this usually means that they are worried that they will be a burden financially - I told her several times some figures [that were way below the actual ones] always saying 'over $xxx' & then saying she 'has enough money to live to 119 years old' to which she always laughs & says that she won't live that long -
Don't use rounded figures because 119 looks like more care went into calculating it than saying '120' - do the same with money ... like use '$193,000' not "$200,000' - I always say the same amounts because I think once she hears the same figure often that it becomes comforting - just because they have dementia doesn't mean that they are stupid or completely unaware especially early on
Have her, while she is still able legally, do her P.O.A. papers up & will etc. - optionally add in a few other things like does she was to donate organs, pre-pay funeral arrangements etc so that you know exactly what her wishes - some people even pick out the clothes to be buried in - then you both put it all in a fireproof box, lock it & say that 'now all the necessary things are done, we'll lock it away & have fun with no more worries' - she can visit it with you when she wants but you keep the key - possibly put your own things in too & jokingly call it the WORRY BOX because it holds the answer to all the worries [hopefully]
A few questions and thoughts for you. Is this a permanent arrangement? If so are you going to have to adapt the house in any way to accommodate her as she declines? Enlarge bathroom? remove carpet? Does she have to go up and down stairs? (this will get difficult) If you are going to have to make changes do them as early as possible so she is used to them as she declines it will get more difficult for her to get used to something new or a new routine.
If she can get into an Adult Day Care Program do so as soon as you can. This will keep her occupied and have some other contact and it will give you a break.
Get paperwork going for POA for Health and Finances. You may have to become her Guardian. You might want to talk to an Elder Care Attorney.
If there is a possibility that she would qualify for Medicaid fill out the paperwork as soon as you can.
If you think at some point you will have to place her in a Memory Care Facility do it sooner rather than later, it will be easier for her to adjust. If you are going to be able to keep her at home know now that you will need help. Eventually this will go to 24/7 care and you can not do it yourself. If any other medical condition come up or when she has declined to a particular point call Hospice. Have her evaluated and if she qualifies, accept Hospice and all they offer. Keep posted here, there is a lot of good information but that does not replace a GOOD support group. call around there is bound to be at least 2 near you. And like a pair of shoes you have to try on the group and see if it is a good fit. If not go to another group. Hang in there, this is a long road.
Yes, I agree - pretty much I told my dad and now my elderly DH - I will do the best I can for you. I am not perfect but I will do my best.
And I keep learning and I found this website which has a font of information available through the search boxes.
And if you share what you learn - you will find that others will also share information with you. It's a learning experience.
Find out which HomeHealthCare her doctor prefers - and have them start it for your Mother. HomeHealthCare is invaluable as an extra pair of eyes. They saved my DH over 2 years ago when he became badly dehydrated. No one else had caught the symptoms. Their primary "job" is to teach you what and how to do things.
Never promise not to put her in a nursing home - none of us knows the future - but you can promise to try very hard to keep her home with you.
And, if you don't already have one, start making your "goodie-box" of bandaging supplies for the skin-tears to come. I have learned a lot since DH started falling 20+ years ago. I can now clean and dress a wound without running to the ER.
I agree that I would have her see doctors who focus on patients with dementia and see that they will be treating her as she progresses. My LO progressed to become very anxious and worried and no amount of assuring her seemed to make a difference. She just worried over everything and nothing and repeatedly telling her things were fine, taken care of, etc. only worked for the moment. Medication helped a great deal though and helped stop her from obsessing and worrying so much.
Your mother may not be like that, but, I'd just keep it in mind. If she repeatedly asks that question, it doesn't mean that she doesn't believe you. It's just that she likely forgets that she has asked it.
Don't use rounded figures because 119 looks like more care went into calculating it than saying '120' - do the same with money ... like use '$193,000' not "$200,000' - I always say the same amounts because I think once she hears the same figure often that it becomes comforting - just because they have dementia doesn't mean that they are stupid or completely unaware especially early on
Have her, while she is still able legally, do her P.O.A. papers up & will etc. - optionally add in a few other things like does she was to donate organs, pre-pay funeral arrangements etc so that you know exactly what her wishes - some people even pick out the clothes to be buried in - then you both put it all in a fireproof box, lock it & say that 'now all the necessary things are done, we'll lock it away & have fun with no more worries' - she can visit it with you when she wants but you keep the key - possibly put your own things in too & jokingly call it the WORRY BOX because it holds the answer to all the worries [hopefully]
Is this a permanent arrangement?
If so are you going to have to adapt the house in any way to accommodate her as she declines? Enlarge bathroom? remove carpet? Does she have to go up and down stairs? (this will get difficult)
If you are going to have to make changes do them as early as possible so she is used to them as she declines it will get more difficult for her to get used to something new or a new routine.
If she can get into an Adult Day Care Program do so as soon as you can. This will keep her occupied and have some other contact and it will give you a break.
Get paperwork going for POA for Health and Finances. You may have to become her Guardian. You might want to talk to an Elder Care Attorney.
If there is a possibility that she would qualify for Medicaid fill out the paperwork as soon as you can.
If you think at some point you will have to place her in a Memory Care Facility do it sooner rather than later, it will be easier for her to adjust.
If you are going to be able to keep her at home know now that you will need help. Eventually this will go to 24/7 care and you can not do it yourself.
If any other medical condition come up or when she has declined to a particular point call Hospice. Have her evaluated and if she qualifies, accept Hospice and all they offer.
Keep posted here, there is a lot of good information but that does not replace a GOOD support group. call around there is bound to be at least 2 near you. And like a pair of shoes you have to try on the group and see if it is a good fit. If not go to another group.
Hang in there, this is a long road.
And I keep learning and I found this website which has a font of information available through the search boxes.
And if you share what you learn - you will find that others will also share information with you. It's a learning experience.
Find out which HomeHealthCare her doctor prefers - and have them start it for your Mother. HomeHealthCare is invaluable as an extra pair of eyes. They saved my DH over 2 years ago when he became badly dehydrated. No one else had caught the symptoms. Their primary "job" is to teach you what and how to do things.
Never promise not to put her in a nursing home - none of us knows the future - but you can promise to try very hard to keep her home with you.
And, if you don't already have one, start making your "goodie-box" of bandaging supplies for the skin-tears to come. I have learned a lot since DH started falling 20+ years ago. I can now clean and dress a wound without running to the ER.
Your mother may not be like that, but, I'd just keep it in mind. If she repeatedly asks that question, it doesn't mean that she doesn't believe you. It's just that she likely forgets that she has asked it.
Consider having her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. It sounds as though she's agitated and anxious.