She has a bad knee that needs to be operated on. Currently, my father is caring for her. She has eliminated myself, sister and my father from her medical reports from the Drs. She hoards everything, her room is a mess, crap is everywhere, dirty clothes, pills on the floor, bed is crowded with books, dolls and whatever. We have called Elder Services for the state that she resides in, she told my father do not let those people in here. She has bad memory. She was on opiates really bad once upon a time. She overdraws her checking account. She has almost burned down the house. What does a family do in this situation?

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Dear lost234,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's condition. It is scary and I know your dad is doing the best you can. Because you are worried about your mom's mental and physical health and her safety, please try calling Adult Protective Services. Maybe a social worker can make an assessment and see what community resources can be accessed to help your mom. I hope your mom can get the help she needs. I know its really hard.
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It honestly sounds like Mom is NOT competent. “Normal” people do not act and react this way. Is Dad afraid of her? If she is living with him and acting this way in a house that looks like this, he has to see she needs help. Does Dad have mental concerns as well? If she’s a fire hazard, she could kill them both. This did happen in my neighborhood a few years ago.

Time to have an honest talk with Dad and make a plan for Mom. Enlist the help of a community social worker, or Agency on Aging.
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What family can do depends on whether Mom is still legally competent to make her own decisions. Has that ever been questioned? In addition to being very depressed does she have some cognitive impairments?

Is her depression being treated?
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