Her anxiety and bp is thru the roof and her doc is on vacation. What can I do to help her until my dad gets a move in date to memory care? (Hopefully only 2 or so weeks.). I am worried she will exhaust herself before the placement.

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Cathleen63: Imho, there is ALWAYS an on call physician; the physician who covers for the vacationing primary care physician - or in your case, perhaps the doctor is a specialist. This on call physician should also be available AFTER business hours. It is IMPERATIVE that you reach this physician stat. In today's age, you will be able to receive assistance. Please imply to this covering physician that you have an emergent need.
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Reply to Llamalover47

Call the covering doctor and demand emergency help. Also call the social workers and Adult Protective Services and explain that this situation is causing tremendous problems for your mother and you need help at once. Are you able to hire a caretaker to step in? If your mother is being so badly traumatized, either someone outside must take over or he has to be placed at once. You cannot allow harm to come to her because of his behaviors - no way.
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Reply to Riley2166

Bring in aides for your mom.
Discuss with his physician so that his meds can be adjusted.
Consider if your dad could go the the MC early as a respite patient (if they offer that--sometimes they keep a space open). Also, since you've settled on a MC, confirm with them about what needs to be done to make sure your dad goes ASAP-does he need any testing or vaccinations or doctor's visits that you could take to instead of your mom?

Your mom's physician should have someone covering for them that the office phone tree should be able to get you to. If that isn't an option and her high b/p and anxiety persist after getting her some help take her to an urgent care.
Help her with the logistics of the move.
Sending a spouse to MC is traumatic and many people feel tremendously guilty: Walk her through using some outside resources...
The Alzheimer's Assosciation has an excellent and supportive spouse forum (and lots of threads about wandering)--Can you get her to navigate to the forum? it might help her to communicate or at least see that there are others in the same situation.

The Alzheimer's assosciation has a helpline if she wants to talk: 800.272.3900
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Reply to ElizabethY

Good luck with family friends volunteering… NOT
unfortunately you your mom and dad alone with this horrible disease.
try give your mom a break or pay for someone else to ….
no simple solutions…
best luck
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Reply to Helenn

A dose of Z-quil for him at night and overnight help to watch him while Mom sleeps too. Get someone familiar so she will have peace of mind while she’s asleep. You don’t want her restless if she’s not comfortable with a stranger in the house while she sleeps.

Try hanging Christmas bells on ribbons on bedroom & exterior doors, Your local craft store will have the supplies.

Motion sensing light to alert you when they’re moving about may help.

Motion alarms are great to alert all for any movement. They’re found at big box hardware stores, and can be placed near exterior doors. They’re very loud too.
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Reply to ContentedOne

Sedate him at night with sleeping medication. His doctor will prescribe something to keep him down at night.
Install a lock on his bedroom door as well. Put a baby-monitor in the room too. Then hire a caregiver to come for the overnights who will have the other baby-monitor and will get up if he gets too restless.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver

Since your dad wanders at night, he will need somebody to be up with him. You can either arrange volunteers - family members, friends, members of faith community, etc. - or arrange for paid sitter(s). Either way, the "overnight person" will help your dad to and from the bathroom, keep him from waking your mom, and try to redirect him to sleep or quiet activities. If mom is still having trouble sleeping with this extra help, she might do better sleeping somewhere else until his memory care unit placement occurs.
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Reply to Taarna

Go there or send someone there. If he is wandering at night, she's getting no sleep at all. It won't take long until she will seem to be having memory issues - the brain gets confused, can't think, etc when there is sleep deprivation. She doesn't need to be doing this alone for the next day...or the next two weeks.
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Reply to my2cents

Sorry your parents are going through this, and you too, of course.

Do they live with you? Can you stay there at all? It's a big ask, I know, but the only bright side is that it is short term. How about any other family member? Or talk to something like home health services for short term assistance.

Even is someone went over during the day if that's the help you or anyone else can provide. Maybe your mom could sleep or at least rest with her eyes closed so that she can more easily deal with the night time wandering. Once he goes to MC, she can get back on her normal sleep schedule. I'm sure 2 weeks could seem like an eternity in this situation but hopefully it will pass quickly.
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Reply to againx100

Other than moving in with her like Countrymouse said, and taking over your dads care so mom can get a break, or perhaps even hiring some outside help to come stay with him overnight so she can get some much needed rest, I too can't think of much else.
If your mom doesn't get some much needed help soon, she will end up needing medical attention as well.
I pray you can get some help for her soon.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to funkygrandma59

Other than camping out at their house and taking the night shift I'm afraid I can't think of anything. Does she have any support with him?
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Reply to Countrymouse

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