My mom is living with me and my family including 3 kids (17, 15, 10). How can I get my kids to be patient with her and not fight with her? - AgingCare.com

My mom is living with me and my family including 3 kids (17, 15, 10). How can I get my kids to be patient with her and not fight with her?

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My mom has early stage dementia. She moved in with us in June. My husband and I talked to the kids about her not being the same grandmother they remember. Now that she has settled in, they have become short tempered and rude. My 10 year old fights with her like another 10 year old. My daughter knows that "Oma" has issues and tries to tell her what to do. My mom, believing she is a perfectly capable adult, gets mad, and the fight begins. Any advice?

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Maybe if the kids watched some of Teempa Snows videos it and see what you and she (Teepa Snow) are talking about might help. Worth a try. Sometimes kids understand videos better.
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I say it's good for the kids no matter what age they are why should you try and shelter them?this is a part of life ,we all have to face someday why not learn about it...don't worry kids are resilient they need to know what's going to happen when they get old .....lol.
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I agree with the above posts. It’s hard enough for adults to tolerate parents or other adults with a “broken brain” much less a child who sees grandma like that. When my own mother was suffering from dementia, I kept my (adult) children away. Her conversations were often inappropriate and embarrassing. I didn’t want my kids to remember “Nana”like that. If they’d been younger I would have explained Nana’s affliction in the range of their understanding. However, I would not have allowed my children to yell at, argue with or otherwise disrespect their grandma. When this starts, I would separate them and caution them that just because grandma isn’ t herself doesn’t mean they need to yell at her or argue with her. Self-control is very difficult for young children, I know. But Grandma is Grandma and when she is being unreasonable, then need to tell her they love her and will come back to talk with her in a little while.
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Explaining, educating, and teaching by example are great things to provide your children. And they are old enough to get it, too. But, still, it's a lot to put on their plates. It can be very stressful to live in the house around the clock with a person who stuggles with dementia. It's NOT their fault, but, I can see how the kids would struggle too. It's stressful and frustrating. I recall how my LO's (had significant dementia) cat suffered anxiety. The cat was well loved, but, my LO's behavior stressed it out and it began acting out.

I think that I would get them a counselor. Talking to someone not in the family might give them more of an outlet.
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Thanks, Lorraine. Sometimes when you're in a situation, the obvious solution needs to be pointed out
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I have the same issues,just try to explain how dementia works ,sometimes our elderly loved ones act like they are a child because parts of their brain are severely damaged and maybe look up some other stories of grandma's &grandpa's who do insane silly things ..teach them to have empathy ,and laugh ,instead of cry ,maybe have your children volunteer at a nursing home so they can see that their grandparent isn't so bad after all..Remind the children that grandparents will not be with us much longer so it is their responsibility to help their elderly people to be happy and comfortable. The truth hurts but it must be faced.Maybe the kids will have a change of attitude when they realize grandma doesn't have as much of her life left and it has to be spent being sick.
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Just try to explain how dementia works ,sometimes our elderly loved ones act like they are a child,because parts of their brain are severely damaged .Maybe look up some other stories of grandma's &grandpa's who do insane ,silly things .Teach them to have empathy &compassion,, ,maybe have your children volunteer at a nursing home ,so they can see that their grandparent isn't so bad after all.Remind the children that grandparents will not be with us much longer, so it is their responsibility ,to help their elderly people, to be happy and comfortable. The truth hurts but it must be faced.Maybe the kids will have a change of attitude when they realize grandma doesn't have as much of her life left and it has to be spent being sick.
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