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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Your mom is reaching out to you for help by telling you she's overwhelmed with bills and such. My dad did the EXACT same thing to me when he and mom lived in Independent Senior Living nearby. I took all his "paperwork" over to my house and told my husband, they need Assisted Living now. In AL, I paid all the bills and they just got the "fun mail". Everything was taken care of FOR them either by staff or by me. Right after I took dad's paperwork home to sort thru, he fell and broke his hip. The AL decision was made for him by the rehab team who determined he was unfit to live alone, or with help from my mom who was also compromised. It would've been the blind leading the blind.
Look into moving mom into AL and taking over her finances before she has a crisis. Then it's a lot more stressful, trust me.
Once you begin helping mom with these tasks, she may believe she's still living independently but actually she won't be. You'll be propping her up, and your duties will increase incrementally.
Once elders with dementia get in a certain mindset, you can't convince them of anything. It becomes a scenario of their thinking everything is fine because they live independently, and they actually believe it, so of course they resist going to assisted living or memory care where they need to be. And you become the bad person for even suggesting facility care. Which by that time you are eager for because you're exhausted with HER life tasks, care and feeding and entertaining her and listening to her complain and having no life of your own.
Suggestion: Get all the legal work taken care of and start looking at care facilities. You don't have to tell mom that's what you're doing, it's just to prepare yourself for the inevitable day when something happens that you KNOW you cannot handle yourself. If you're good at manipulating her around to thinking something you want her to think, start suggesting how wonderful it would be to have her own things in her own place down the hall from her friend Mrs. Fintwhistle, and they could go on planned outings to the candy factory together with other lovely folks who also live there.
Being overwhelmed where you can't keep track of appts, not being able to prioritize and can't pay your bills are all part of executive dysfunction. This is an early sign of cognitive decline, Dementia. Mom should see her doctor and have testing done. If you have POA, then this is the time to take over her bill paying and making sure your up on her appts. I had to do this for my Mom.
You should first go to an attorney and be certain that whether in a will as springing POA or as POA you are able to function to do executive functions for your mother. That is number one for the new year. You will need to discuss with her honestly why this must now be done, due to the changes you are seeing and to insure she is safely cared for should she be unable to manage these things. Be certain also at this attorney that he end of life wishes are clearly written in an Advance Directive, and that your are medical POA.
Step two is a full assessment, starting in pcp office and with referral to neuro-psyc MD.
There is really no getting around a need for these first steps. After that it is more one day at a time with your educating yourself on all you will learn in these first two steps, and in being willing to step in where and when needed.
Make sure mom has important legal documents in place, such as an advance directive, will, POA for healthcare and financial decisions. Take her for an updated medical evaluation, expressing your concerns to the doctor prior to the appointment using the patient portal. Talk honestly with mom about her future, possibilities if she can no longer live independently one day. Make sure she hears you on what level of caregiving you can and cannot provide, and don’t overpromise out of obligation. Mom is blessed to have your concern and care, just lead with honesty
You are probably helping her now, which is why you know all about the problems she is facing. Options to consider: 1) Suggest she moves to Assisted Living. There will be less for her to organise. 2) Make a list of all the problems, then go with her to an attorney for advice about what to put in place. If you both go together, it may be reassuring for her to hear it all from a professional.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Look into moving mom into AL and taking over her finances before she has a crisis. Then it's a lot more stressful, trust me.
Best of luck. None of this is easy.
Once elders with dementia get in a certain mindset, you can't convince them of anything. It becomes a scenario of their thinking everything is fine because they live independently, and they actually believe it, so of course they resist going to assisted living or memory care where they need to be. And you become the bad person for even suggesting facility care. Which by that time you are eager for because you're exhausted with HER life tasks, care and feeding and entertaining her and listening to her complain and having no life of your own.
Suggestion: Get all the legal work taken care of and start looking at care facilities. You don't have to tell mom that's what you're doing, it's just to prepare yourself for the inevitable day when something happens that you KNOW you cannot handle yourself. If you're good at manipulating her around to thinking something you want her to think, start suggesting how wonderful it would be to have her own things in her own place down the hall from her friend Mrs. Fintwhistle, and they could go on planned outings to the candy factory together with other lovely folks who also live there.
Good luck, I hope things go well.
Have the bills emailed to you (not mailed) and pay her bills remotely.
In many cases not paying the bills is the first sign of cognitive decline.
Step two is a full assessment, starting in pcp office and with referral to neuro-psyc MD.
There is really no getting around a need for these first steps. After that it is more one day at a time with your educating yourself on all you will learn in these first two steps, and in being willing to step in where and when needed.
1) Suggest she moves to Assisted Living. There will be less for her to organise.
2) Make a list of all the problems, then go with her to an attorney for advice about what to put in place. If you both go together, it may be reassuring for her to hear it all from a professional.
Good luck to both of you!