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Oddly enough I moved to Florida from Delaware because I needed help. I dreaded it because my mom is a very difficult narcissistic person. I should have tried to stick it out and survive on my own, but I was severely depressed and couldn’t hold a job. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and a few other mental health illnesses my whole life. I applied for disability and after a very long fight got it because of my mental health and back injury. During my stay in Florida my grandma passed away and very shortly after my mom was hospitalized (she nearly died from an infection and COPD from smoking for 50+ years). She actually survived and was put on hospice and oxygen. She is now oxygen dependent. She outlived hospice and they pulled out a year later because she wasn’t in need of their services any longer. She still had a lot of life in her.


My mom is currently living with me in what was my grandparents house. My grandma left her home to me because it couldn’t be left to my mom. My mom already had a home and could not have two homes on SSI. She since sold her home and now lives with me. Technically I know this house was meant to be in my mom's name, and I hate to go back on that, but my mom is very emotionally and mentally abusive and it gets really bad sometimes like tonight. She screamed at me and banged on my door. She yelled at me to go to hell and told me that I’ll never be rid of her.


I was trying to talk to her about the screen door that all of the sudden started locking up which means we will be locked out. She wasn’t listening to me and it was important so I pressed on and she started screaming at me and losing it on me. My only concern was that she would accidentally get locked out if I wasn’t home. It isn’t the actual lock that is the problem it’s the latch sticking out. It won’t go all the way in like it’s supposed to when the handle is pushed in. She thought it was the lock and said she never uses that anyway. I’m sorry. None of this back story actually matters.


What does matter is that I’ve been here for 8 years. Have been taking care of my mom for over 3 years ALONE. I don’t have a dad or any siblings. My mom is acting crazy screaming at me. I’m terribly depressed and almost never leave my bedroom. To make matters worse she started smoking again ON OXYGEN. I’m scared she’s going to blow us all up.


What can I do? She refuses to go to independent assisted living. Should I pack up and leave? I have nowhere to go, no money except for disability checks, and this house is in my name. I love my mom, but I can’t take the abuse. I need help so bad. She told me to go to hell, but I feel like I’m already there.


P.S. My mom has a little dog that has come to be like my own. She’s my only baby and I love her like a child. I’m going to end up losing her in all of this mess. I couldn’t feel worse or lower than I feel at this moment. Please give me some advice.

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If Mom has money from the sale of her house, then have her use it. Tell her living together is not working. She needs an AL or independent living. Or even a Senior complex. There are resources Mom could use.

Get that, Grandmom would have left the house to Mom, out of your head. She left it to you. Its yours. Don't give it up.

Just curious, does SSI know Mom sold her house?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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How do we know that the mother is not of sound mind? I can't see any information about her mental health - the acting crazy and screaming and insults took place during a fight, I'm not counting that. Smoking in the presence of oxygen, again, is stupid and dangerous but not necessarily attributable to dementia or other mental illness (apart from addiction to nicotine). Though - don't know if this is in any way reassuring or not - oxygen is highly flammable but it isn't explosive. She won't blow the house up, she'll "just" set fire to herself.

What is clear is that this living situation is horrendous, probably for both parties. I agree change is needed urgently.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Follow Barb Brooklyn’s advice. The smoking/oxygen is extremely dangerous.

Fires caused by smoking while using oxygen at home have led to fatal injuries and total property loss. This behavior is beyond addiction or negligence- such recklessness suggests incapacity.

If your Mom was of sound mind, she wouldn’t want to put you in this situation. Things will get worse.

Give yourself permission to fix the problem — you can quickly make things better for yourself and the dog. Also, you will save your house.

Act now.
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Reply to ACaringDaughter
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Any reason you can't sell your house? Your mother would then use the funds from her earlier sale of her own house to pay for wherever she wants to live, and you move to wherever you want to live.

Don't let side issues like the dog put you off, if it's that kind of worry that's stopping you. You'll still see your mother, you'll still see the dog, and once you're in your own home you'll be free to get your own dog come to that.

I wonder who put the idea into your head that your grandmother "really" would have wanted to leave her house to your mother had it not been for the SSI issue. It's a debatable point, okay; but what you know for absolutely certain is that your grandmother left her house To You. It is yours. What, then, would you be "going back on" if you were sell it and take the money?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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The next time mom goes off, screaming and yelling abusively, call 911. Have her taken to the ER for evaluation of her physical and mental state.

She could have a UTI, which can cause psychiatric symptoms.

Once she's in the hospital, ask to speak to a social worker. Tell them that mom requires more care than you can give in your home. Tell them that she smokes while on oxygen.

Do not sign for discharge.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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