My mom is in the end stages of Dementia, living at a Memory Care Facility within a mile of my home. Who has final say on my visit?

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My mom is in the end stages of Dementia, living at a Memory Care Facility within a mile of my home. Who has final say on my visit?

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Get her admitted to hospice ASAP. At least at my dad’s facility, if the patient was on hospice and declared imminent, then family could see him. Call her doctor and get him or her to order a hospice evaluation.

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Prayers go out to you and your mom. We were able to keep my mother in her own place . We were all local . All 4 of us kids helped . There was someone with her all the time. It took about 2 weeks before she passed. When Hospice And Visiting Nurses came in they helped a lot .. They ordered the hospital bed . They ordered medication and it was delivered to the house. They explained the the lack of appetite was the bodies way of saying , “I can no longer precess it “ . They walked us thru the final steps of life making it easier because we knew what to expect . The nurses came every morning to check on her and get her ready for the day . They ordered the necessary pain meds to keep here comfortable.. We were still able to get her to the bathroom .. On the day we put diapers on her was the day she passed .. She was really not responsive for the last week .. We talked to her a lot about funny things that happened when we were growing up . We were not sure she could even hear but it made it a bit easier for us ..

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God bless hospice! Thanks so much Nanulinda for sharing your experience. And God bless you and your siblings.

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These facilities simply cannot afford to let people come in because covid is too risky to the other patients. Can you take her home? Could the money used for memory care be used to help you with in home care? Things will ease up at some point, but with rising numbers of cases in the US it's hard to tell when that will be.

Your decision has to be based on what I always use - what can you live with? If you want to be near her, your home (or another sibling/relative) is really your only option at this point. You can also request hospice assistance in your home to get some nursing care and possibly other help via her medicare or insurance.

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Hello, FloridaGirl and 2cents : ) I agree that my go-to as a caretaker when making decisions is to ponder "what can I live with". Now, this isn't a simple and quick 'this' or 'that' by any means--it's takes days for me to go deep within--and even that usually feels somewhat unsatisfying, as for me, I've not been blessed with the burning bush 'right' answers : )

FloridaGirl, I don't know your personal situation, but I've got two 'absent' sisters, and no matter the decision I make, I expect to be criticized because everyone's level of what they can live with is unique. I've grown up and learned about myself a LOT since I've taken on this 'job' --and for that I am grateful. My best to you in this difficult time.

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Imho, perhaps she should be on Hospice Care. Prayers sent to you.

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Thank you!

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The CDC guidelines say that families can be admitted in urgent or emergency situation. If your mom is dying I would classify that as an urgent or emergency situation. These baboons running these places probably don't have the faintest idea what the guidelines say; they are just going by what another idiot with the county declares. But supposedly, the CDC has the final say. I would contact the Administrator again and show him what the CDC says and that if he doesn't let you see your mom before she dies, you will be contacting your attorney. If your mom is dying anyway, are they afraid you are going to kill her with Covid? What nonsense!

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I am currently awaiting my Covid-19 results, I have been quarantined since the facility closed in March. With the exception of dropping giftbags and snacks every other day for mom at the front door and my once a week grocery stop at 7am... I have only been out (with mask on and socially distancing) a handful of other times. I wanted to be sure as I would be devastated if I got anyone sick.

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Floridagirl- You really need to escalate this - I just lost my mother- Alz - COVID as secondary. My mom’s place received permission from their corporate and allowed me and my brother to visit with her for the week leading up to her passing- full PPE of course- and they let us stay with her as long as we wanted. My point being, If we were able to comfort my mom with COVID - you certainly should be allowed, and my guess is the facility just needs to get off their bum bum and make some calls. And yes- was tested and we all came back COVID free

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Thanks. I am trying to get her seen by her dr due to all the different versions of whats going on with my mom that we've gotten. I had them weigh her yesterday during our FaceTime and she's lost 13 pounds. It took 4 days to get her weight, now I think I know why.

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Is mom receiving hospice care? Ask if she can be assessed for this. Hospice may be able to tell you her current status and this info can help her memory care facility make better decisions for your visits.

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Thank you. We are in the process of having her assessed; the MCF has given us 4 different versions of my moms eating habits (over same time frame) since Monday. Facility has been pretty good with a few exceptions but, their communication is the pits.

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I would bring her home. And get her on hospice. They are a great help with bringing in hospital equipment in for you to use and some other personal supplies. Their guidance is valuable to you.
I have been living with my Dad for the last 3 years or so. When his level of care was get more than his quality of life. That’s what I did with my Dad.
I look at hospice as a fork in the road. I called Sutter hospice. Just knowing I and he had the control, is priceless. My father passed away in his home having contact with friends and family in communication with him.

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My mom is in the end stages of Dementia, living at a Memory Care Facility within a mile of my home. Who has final say on my visit?

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