Get the activities director involved. Let her know what's happening with mother and see about getting her to knock on mom's door before the activities begin to encourage her to join in. Get the executive director involved too.....togerher you can formulate a plan of action. Then back off a bit and let mom know you're only available at X times for X things and nothing else. That will force her to use the services she's paying for. Let some calls go to voice mail and speak once a day. It's not "mean" to do this....its allowing her to acclimate to the place and make friends outside of you! Burn out is real and so is compassion fatigue.
There could be dementia involved or a UTI if this behavior is worsening or new. A visit to her PCP may be in order to check her over and to do a med review as well. Anti depressants can become ineffective over time and need changing or tweaking. My mother is 94 and constantly creating a new crisis in her Memory Care Assisted Living residence. Instead of calling her today, I called the nurse to see how she's doing. I got to hear the truth instead of how horrible she is and the usual tirade of injustices and anxieties that plague her. In reality, she ate lunch and was sitting in the garden. When she uses me as a sounding board, the sky is always falling. So I give her space to chill out instead of more phone calls to perpetuate the misery, you know? This is just my experience though, and may have no bearing to your experience. I just throw it out there to say some mother's lay it on thick for their daughters, especially if we keep calling and allowing it.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
Your profile says that your mom is 100 years old, and your post says that she's only in the early stages of dementia. Good for her! I'm not sure if I would live to be 100, that I would want to do much either. I would just let her be, and if and when she wants to get involved with something there, she will. At this point in he life, it really should be up to her . And I'm not sure what you mean when you say that she's "very clingy," but perhaps you just need to stay away from the facility for a while, or go just a couple times a week, until she learns to depend on the folks there a bit better. But most importantly just enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom, because as you know, at the age of 100, her time here is limited. Wishing you and your mom the best.
"...who is 100 years old, living at home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, and vision problems."
So she must have recently transitioned into a facility? Please give her time to adjust, it's a giant change for someone her age. What is she doing that you consider "clingy"? Perhaps her depression has understandably worsened. This should be discussed with her doctor after about 2 weeks if she doesn't seem to be making even small progress in adjusting. Doc could recommend some meds to help her at this point in her very long life.
My mother is actually 92, my profile is wrong. She moved to a retirement home 8 months ago. She is on two antidepressants and an anti anxiety med. I visit her 3 times a week and my brother visits once a week. I talk to her on the phone every day. I take her to all of her med appts and bring her whatever she needs. I bring her to my home for visits and I take her to get her hair done and I do her banking. She still tries to pressure me to visit more. She calls me about everything -trouble with her TV, when she is to go for meals etc. I am trying to get her to call the staff first. They are very nice and always willing to help her but she insists on calling me. She isn't interested in any of the activities, she only wants to be with me. She was always a social person and hates being alone. I'm doing as much as I can but I am feeling smothered and pressured. I'm starting to burn out but don't know what else to do.
There could be dementia involved or a UTI if this behavior is worsening or new. A visit to her PCP may be in order to check her over and to do a med review as well. Anti depressants can become ineffective over time and need changing or tweaking. My mother is 94 and constantly creating a new crisis in her Memory Care Assisted Living residence. Instead of calling her today, I called the nurse to see how she's doing. I got to hear the truth instead of how horrible she is and the usual tirade of injustices and anxieties that plague her. In reality, she ate lunch and was sitting in the garden. When she uses me as a sounding board, the sky is always falling. So I give her space to chill out instead of more phone calls to perpetuate the misery, you know? This is just my experience though, and may have no bearing to your experience. I just throw it out there to say some mother's lay it on thick for their daughters, especially if we keep calling and allowing it.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
And I'm not sure what you mean when you say that she's "very clingy," but perhaps you just need to stay away from the facility for a while, or go just a couple times a week, until she learns to depend on the folks there a bit better.
But most importantly just enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom, because as you know, at the age of 100, her time here is limited. Wishing you and your mom the best.
"...who is 100 years old, living at home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, and vision problems."
So she must have recently transitioned into a facility? Please give her time to adjust, it's a giant change for someone her age. What is she doing that you consider "clingy"? Perhaps her depression has understandably worsened. This should be discussed with her doctor after about 2 weeks if she doesn't seem to be making even small progress in adjusting. Doc could recommend some meds to help her at this point in her very long life.