Around 4 years ago my mother met a man on words with friends. It started as casual conversation and led to get falling madly in love. His story began like all other scammers. he is working on an offshore oil rig, widowed with a child. I don’t even know what lies he told my mom but ever since she has been sending him ALL of her money. Inheritance from her passing father. Her share in a sold estate. And all her earnings from her current job. My family and I have told her time and time again that this man doesn’t exist, but she refuses to believe us. He goes by the name Derek Kess and he claims he is Dutch. That he’s a millionaire but that all his money is tied up. She communicates by email and phone conversation. She has never had a video conversation and no physical proof that this man actually exists. No picture or anything. I have little information on how to locate this man. He has told my mom for the past 4 years that he is going to come to our state and they’re going to move away together. I am at a loss on how to convince her that he is a fraud. She believes any lies he tells her. I’d like to know if there’s a way that I can track this man down and prove to her that he isn’t who he says he is.
In the first, the con artist is a family member. I know who she is, where she lives, and that she **is** a con. Through and through. There is little about this woman that's actually real. She uses multiple variants of her name and changes her appearance regularly. I'd love to turn her in - but I can't. Why? The money she has scammed was ALL given to her legally and willingly. She even went so far as to marry one of her victims so it would be even easier to manipulate him. She currently lives in a paid off house which she did not have to work for. Take, take, take. Then smirk when her victims realize there's nothing they can do because technically.... they did GIVE her the money willingly. She makes her victims feel loved and they do whatever she wants them to do .
In the second case, it was the stereotypical "I'm overseas and need money temporarily" scam. My friend here in the U.S. sent money to him. The story he told kept getting deeper and more complex - requiring even more money to resolve. My friend even cash advanced her credit cards to send him more. She barely made more than minimum wage her entire working life and could not afford this. She was forced into bankruptcy. All for a man. She tried filing police reports, etc but there was little they could do because there was really no way to determine WHO this person really was - let alone file charges across international borders, etc.
What do the two cases have in common? The victim needed to feel loved and was willing to do whatever it took to keep that love coming.
I've been told most of the time the money is given willingly to the scammer and therefore it's difficult to prove there was any crime. You can definitely try getting your own legal advice and see if you can find any hope via that route.
As suggested, if you cut off her means of communication with this person, that's an idea. If you can legally cut off her money, that would be another way.... but she's not just going to say "Oh, OK" when she realizes the person she thinks is the love of her life is being blocked by you somehow. She loves him and believes it's being reciprocated.
Not sure you could track him down, sounds like she's in deep denial.
I see someone below also posted a link to the article-
The one Dr Phil I saw he broke thru to one woman when he proved the man whose picture was posted was another man who had his identity stolen. Another woman was told all the blank pieces of paper cut the size of money that her BF sent was not money. She kept saying he was sending her a solution that dissolved the white to reveal the money. In the meantime, she had sent them the money equivalent to the pieces a paper sent to her. Thousands. They proved how the scam was done and after it all she still believed the scammer.
My Dad told me never to give a man money. I did give a steady, who was in college, $20 for something he needed for school and was short. We went together 2 yrs and had talked marriage after college. My Dad felt that was OK. I was 19 or 20.
I just got a friend request the other day from one of these scammers. He said he was living in the States and a whole list of other things on his profile. Funny thing, the doorway behind him had lettering in another language. If you scrolled down, there was a different picture with the same name. What was really funny the 2 men were not of the same race.
You will not be able to use reason or logic, no amount of "proof" or facts will work. If no one is her PoA and she's unwilling to assign someone, then you will just need to stand by and watch the trainwreck. When she becomes a ward of the county and goes into Medicaid facility you can tell her she can thank Derek.
Even if s/he can't talk to you, you can share your mother's self-destructive behavior with her/him.
Falling for scams of this sort is often the first symptom of cognitive decline.
Sapphire July 03, 2020
In reply to I'm seeing the same stories by KK-NY
My mother has been talking to Derek Kess for 3 years, she has sent him money numerous times, we ended up losing a family home because of back tax pay, also my father died last year because it really made him so sick. My mother claims that Derek Kess is a Dutch person from the Netherlands, she believes he is real, they talk a lot on WhatsApp all day and everyday, we tried to talk her out of it and she will not listen, she’s living in the fantasy world, when my grandpa died 2 years ago, she got the inheritance money and sent it all to “Derek Kess” as we were moving, while my mother was working I went through her bedroom and I found transactions for transfer from Chase Bank, the money transfers were sent to the person named Stella Oghenekewe. Because “Derek Kess” says he can not or does not have a bank account in Nigeria, so the money has to be sent to his care taker. “Derek Kess” says he has a son named “Morris” a young teen who’s mother died of an accident or cancer. “Derek Kess” also claims he works off shore in the oil field and claims to be a millionaire. When he said he is having money problems my mom sends him money immediately, she thinks she’s going to meet him one day, she believes that he’s going to sweep her off her feet, he made so many promises and that she’s going to be rich. Someone needs to help this woman and needs to wake up!!! And STOP sending strangers money and stop believing everything people say online. 3 long years and has never met him.
Reply:
Gerri March 28, 2021
In reply to My mother has been talking to by Sapphire
Tell your mother not to send him any money! I've been talking to this same man for almost 2 years. Everything about this post is the same with me. I'm poor so I can't send him any money but he has had other people send me money to send to him thru bitcoin. Until recently, I asked for a video conversation and he got mad. The communication ended very quickly. Yes this man that was going to sweep me off my feet and marry me. A Netherlands millionaire on an oil rig with a son named Morris. Is a sweet talker but a fake. Have your mother asked him if his son now leaves in the USA-maybe Texas?
Perhaps if you show this story, and the reply, along with the rest of them, to your mom, she will stop sending this Nigerian scammer any more money.
https://consumer.ftc.gov/comment/49301