My mom is having difficulty getting to the bathroom on time to pee and keeps wetting herself. Any suggestions?

20 Mule Team Borax. Put it in with detergent. Doesn’t hurt colors. My grandmother’s caregiver used it when my grandmother had that problem. I used it on cloth baby diapers.

I use a lot of vinegar around here. A cup or two of vinegar in the wash is often enough to eliminate the smells, and I clean floors and plastics with it as well. Basically vinegar = weak acid. So it breaks down stains and smells.  The vinegar smell usually goes away once it dries.  Mom's washer is one of those high efficiency ones that uses less water, so I find smaller loads helps the vinegar move more easily through the fabrics.  (Edit:  also I clean the washer itself once or twice a week, by running it empty with two cups of vinegar.)

Enzyme-based cleaners are better than vinegar, much safer than chemical cleaners, but not cheap. They are made of bacteria and enzyme digesters. Basically, they cause a chemical reaction that breaks down biological matter (like urine) into its chemical components, which releases the stains and smells.  When I worked in property maintenance, this is what we used to thoroughly clean a place after tenants with pets and/or young children.  (There is pretty much no other way to get the smell of cat pee out of a floor vent!)

I got my mom into the Depends pull-ups by appealing to her sense of shame, to be honest. It helps that she has to go for medical treatments 3x a week, because she does NOT want the embarrassment of going out in the world smelling like urine or feces. Having home support back me up on the smell factor was also very helpful in this "conversion."

Hi, has she been tested for a UTI? These infections really make the urine strong. Just a thought. Good luck

I have found vinegar, it kills the enzymes that cause odor, to be very helpful. I make my own detergent that has borax in it, so that probably helps also.

I would try to get her to wear pull ups, anything you have to tell her or do to get her to agree would be worth the time and effort. I had to appeal to my dads pride regarding wet pants and odor, i just don't want you to be embarrassed, no shame in them dad. I had to address it a few dozen times to get compliance, once he knew that a large percentage of people use them from middle age on, he was better with them.

Best of luck, it's a stinky situation all the way around.

On the forums here, I have read where you take away your Mom regular underwear and replace them with the pull-ups. Chances are good that your Mom wouldn't want to "go commando" thus she will wear them.

Once your Mom is use to wearing the Depend type products, try other brands, too, so Mom can have a choice on which ones she likes.

I’d just like to add that a nurse and a therapist both told me not to call them “diapers” in front of your loved one. Diapers=“baby” and even those with dementia will find it insulting to be compared to a baby. When I talk to hubby, I always say “underwear”.

I agree with Ahmijoy. Its still a form of underwear and respectfully your loved one won't feel "old" when you use the term pull-ups. My mother lived in a nursing home before so our conversation is easier than most, that if you don't want to go back, do your part to be at home. I suggest having your loved one visit with you to a nursing home like a tour, it may unnerve her some, but she will get the picture. Its role reversal time and you have to be firm. My mother is quite incontinent, however I have to stay up on the laundry to avoid the urine smell.

My dad began getting urge incontinence which is a symptom as dementia advances. I tried getting him to use the brief guards but he couldn’t remember how or even to do it. So finally I made the decision to remove all his regular briefs and put the pull up depends in his drawer. He adjusted easily when he no longer had to worry about having urine on his jeans because he couldn’t make it to the bathroom fast enough. So try that. Tell mom that it gives her a safeguard if she can’t make it in time.

Yes, get rid of her regular panties and tell her the only panties available are these. Buy the ones that are more like panties until she get used to them and tell her they come in a lavender color (whatever color they come in, but don't buy the white ones for a while). Good luck.

It is possible Mom is getting "irritated" with the ones you have. I have read that sometimes you have to sample several types to find the right one - just like we do with babies. We tend to start with the cheapest on the way to finding one that works well.  Also, you might need to apply some barrier cream, I like Peri-Guard for me and Selan Silver for DH.  We women can get a burning sensation from the urine and a tiny amount of Peri-guard is very soothing.

For the laundering, I use a capful of Hibiclens (or generic) in every load of laundry and have no problem with odors, I use it with his washable bed pads and washcloths.

Hibiclens is a pre-surgical scrub and I get mine from the VA for my DH - they supply the generic, Chlorhexidine Gluconate 4% Topical Liquid in 4oz bottles - it's a soap that kills all bacteria and germs. A quart of this is approx $18 at Amazon. I also put some into a foaming soap dispenser and use it to keep my hands germ-free too.

Actually, the VA also furnishes Aloe Vesta Foaming Cleanser Perineal soap and I mix them together in a Dawn foaming soap dispenser and this is what I use to wash my hands all the time. The Dawn dispenser just seems to handle the mixed soaps better for me.

My Mom refused to wear them at first too. I threw out her panties one by one as she soiled them. Then I told her she had to wear the Depends because that is all she had. One day, somewhere, she found a pair of panties and put them on. Now she can only wear the Depends. She wears "overnights" all the time. The daytime ones aren't as heavy/thick. Maybe they will work for your Mom as she transitions.

Odor Ban is awesome! I take care of my 94 yr old Grandmother. I went through her going commando choice & refusing to wear depends. She would make a mess everywhere.....needless to say now she wears depends which helps a lot but that God awful smell......I tried everything. A friend suggested odor ban IT Works for me! You can buy it right at home depot a gallon jug. Good Luck

My father was oblivious to the smell and didn’t care if he was in public or not. I made a firm rule that he will not get in the car unless he is clean. I have been totally firm and has reluctantly agreed. I don’t talk about it very much or try to embarrass him, I am businesslike about it. I find being matter of fact and firm is helpful. Insist on the pull-ups and don’t discuss.

Truthfully I wouldn’t consider taking her out unless she had the depends on. So if she wanted an outing, she would wear them. Finally she got used to it and uses them all the time now. She takes Lasix and has to pee too much. We had an embarrassing situation one day when we were out, and that cured her refusal to wear them. The denial is strong!

Everyone has given great suggestions. My only thing to add in terms of clothing is to try to keep everything all cotton if possible. Synthetics hang onto odor.

I would also put a commode chair next to her bed with the lid up, so she has a shorter distance to go to get to the toilet. Keep it near her if possible. Good luck!

Abo1970, you've gotten some good suggestions on how to make the change to absorbent, disposable underwear. Sounds like its past time for that change, but the transition might be hard to enforce if you or someone else is not with your mom constantly until she's completely used to her "magic underwear" (the term I use with my dad). One problem with my dad, having grown up during the great depression, is that he wants to skimp and re-use the disposables and, again, the solution is for someone to be with him constantly.

Another thought to stress the importance of your mom making this transition, given that the "smell of pee was awful," is that any visitor to your parents' house might notice the smell and alert adult protective services, which could lead to all sorts of problems for your family. Good luck in helping your mom get through this.

Part of the problem is that she has likely lost most of her sense of smell, and also her sense of reasoning. So providing explanations will likely do little good. Follow earlier advice and start with the pretty type of pull ups, take away her old undies, or have her try to wear both for awhile.

For heaven's sake. Get rid of all her underpants and put incontinence underpants in their place. This should not be about laundry. Just tell her she had no choice. End of discussion.

I took away all of his underwear (and all of his pajama shorts that look like underwear) and put the new underwear-looking Depends in his drawer, folded like real underwear with a note saying, "new type of 'modern' underwear. Please try it." Been wearing it ever since. And when I want him to change it, I say, "I'm doing laundry! Here's new pants and underwear, please give me the dirty clothes you're wearing." So far it's been working.

But good to know about the vinegar. I also use puppy urine cleaning spray to clean and sanitize everything in the house.

Hi Abo, yes vinegar is the solution. 1cup per load. I had same issues with my mom. All her cloths smelled horrible even after I washed them in hot water with detergent and softener. My daughter told me she had read that the vineager would help and it sure has. She must change her clothing daily as my mom wasn’t saying she didn’t get them dirty. My mom did like the padded panties but soon that want enough. She refused to wear depends but after a stint in rehab that seemed to change. She now wears the depends and so far hasn’t complained. I hope this info helps. Take care😊

Does she live with you? Be blunt. She likely has a less keen sense of smell and has a bit of dementia-driven 'optimism' that makes her think she'll get a handle on it 'next time'.
Tell her that, even though she may be used to it, the odor in her room is very strong and offensive and that she must wear Depends (or pads).
From there, work out what her objections are to wearing them and experiment with different types (pads vs panties, brands, etc.). If you continue to just clean up the mess and suffer the smell, that's your choice. If the battle is important to you, win the battle.
It's hard to parent your parents, but it's necessary.

I was told to try and bring my mom to use the bathroom on a schedule (once every 1 or 2 hours) to help eliminate accidents. Even if she doesn't think she has to urinate, she usually does at least a little bit. And the depends gives her some security when she can't get to the restroom in time.

At the AL and NH, they took Mom every two hours. They tend to hold it until its too late. Depends pull ups are a pink/orange color. They used them on Mom at rehab and she loved them. But then, Mom had always had a "leaking" problem and wore a pad. So not a big change.

I agree with the vinegar and synthetics. I had to soak Moms slacks overnight in vinegar to get the smell out. I noticed the nursing home residents never smelled. The laundress told me it was the detergent they used. They special ordered it. The bad thing is if you don't get the smells out, the dryer makes them worse.

I agree with irritation too. I can't use Kotex products or anything with a scent. Depends never bothered Mom and I used Walgreens Serenity most of the time. They run sales, buy one get one half off. Sometimes a coupon in their monthly coupon booklet.

I worked for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. and we were asked not to call them diapers.

Joanne, you are so right about the dryer. Line dry if at all possible. Polyester fabs seem to really hold the smell. I agree with cotton fads being best if possible. I think all the suggestions are very helpful!!

I’m another firm believer in the OdoBan product. I fill the bleach dispenser with it. If the clothes really smell bad I will also add it to the tub for the wash cycle. What I did to get my friend to wear depends, is I would have him put on the Depends first and then let him put on his boxers over them. That worked until gradually we stopped putting the boxers on.

Maybe consider getting a little potty next to her bed and it's bad but adult diapers with plenty of baby powder and baby wipes keep her from getting her from getting a rash down there . I had a similar problem with my late grandmother. Good luck

Get non built in pads, such as bladder control pads or poise, so it is easier to keep clean, rather than change the whole underwear and you can also get the pads supplements as well, so you can have 2 pads on, but it helps with leaks for areas where the original pad is not getting. For washing, vinegar is a ph balancer, so you always want to use vinegar, plus it is a softener as well. I also use mule team borax or ARM and Hammer borax.

There are 2 products that I used and they worked well on clothing and bedding. Both also work on hard surfaces floors, walls. 
One is OdoBan this is an odor eliminator and disinfectant. It does not cover odors but removes them
The other product is from Clorox called Urine Remover it is for both stains and odors.

As to getting your Mom to wear the incontinence pants I suggest you remove all her "regular" underwear from her drawer and replace it with whatever disposable product you have. If her "normal or real" underwear is not there she will have no option but to use what is there.
You can tell her that the washer is broken and you have to use these until it is fixed.
Or.... her other ones were soiled and the wash is not done yet.
Or.... her other ones were looking a bit old and you got her new ones.
She will get used to the new ones.

Also your washing machine might be holding on to odors as well. Either use one of the washing machine cleaning tabs or run a full cycle of hot water and bleach or baking soda to try to eliminate odors in the machine. Also keep the lid or the door open to prevent odors. Don't forget to wipe down the machine as well, around the lid, any gaskets if these parts get splashed with dirty water and do not get rinsed they will retain odors.

Try washing her clothes in Ivory snow laundry soap or dreft which is meant for babies but I used on my late grandmother's clothes. Since the adult diapers aren't working maybe have a potty close to her bed. When my late mother was with me the medical supply company gave us one. Of course sometimes a pride thing takes over and the bed side potty isn't good my poor mother thought it was awful she used to think it was too difficult for me well my dad was zero help my sister in the northern part of Florida did her part the other part of my family with my brother from Washington state being another exzamaption . the remainder of my family just plan and simply hurt her.