My mom is dying with all kinds of cancer and her boyfriend lives in her house. Can I put him out when she passes away? -

My mom is dying with all kinds of cancer and her boyfriend lives in her house. Can I put him out when she passes away?


We live in Oklahoma.

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A quick search online says common-law partners have inheritance rights in Oklahoma. If there is no will, he may be entitled to part of the estate, including the house. This is something you will want to contact a lawyer about. I don't know the situation, but if the boyfriend has participated in your mom's care, it seems fair at the very least to let him stay in the house, even for a period of time. If they have strong feelings for each other, he is probably going to be grieving and will find it difficult to just move on while he is going through the same feelings of loss as you are.

My grandfather and his girlfriend never married for a few reasons (mainly she would have lost her widow's pension under the laws of that time, and he would have had to support her), but she is the one who cooked and cleaned for him, traveled with him, did everything with him, for many years. Although my grandfather owned the house, they shared all the expenses of living together, including house maintenance. He set up home ownership arrangements years ahead of his passing - giving "joint tenancy" to my mom (meaning she owned it with him, and became the sole owner after he died, without having to pay estate taxes), but also giving "life estate" to his girlfriend (meaning she could live in it as long as she lived, so long as mom could also live there if she wanted to). In this, he was trying to protect both of them and ensure they had a place to live.  They wound up sharing the house together after he died. If you don't know what arrangements your mother has made, it would be wise to check it out before you make plans to evict.
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I agree with Countrymouse.

Since the OP didn’t elaborate as to the details of the situation, I’m tending to look at it from both sides.

The side that bf is a user has been expressed.

But what if he’s not? What if he’s a long- term bf and is caring for the mom in her last days? What if he is facing the loss of the woman he loves and will be heartbroken and grieving?
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CM, I guess I was a bit more assumptive and judgmental than appropriate. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'll bow out now with a red face.
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Parasite? Ouch! Aren't we being a bit previous? We don't know how long he's been on the scene or whether he even plans to hang around after the OP's mother passes away. Is anybody suggesting he should buzz off now, while his g/f is in the process of dying?

Mymomsgirl whatever the correct legal processes turn out to be I hope you can get through this without conflict. When it comes to ensuring that he does leave, have a heart won't you?
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MomsGurl, you've gotten good advice on different aspects of potential issues.

On the issue of eviction, I learned that in Michigan someone who changes his/her address to another's address can't just be "put out" (absent criminal activity). He/she would have to be evicted. If there's criminal activity involved, or if he's on parole, that changes the picture.

I also learned that some scofflaws (a) change their address to that of someone they're living with, or even (2) give someone else's address to creditors. As to (a), I think that's a trick to force someone to go through eviction proceedings and not just give that person the boot out the door.

As to (b), we've been the unwanted recipients of debt collectors attempting to contact a deadbeat who I've learned over the years does this repeatedly. His creditors don't know where he really is.

I also learned from other victims that this low life pretended he was homeless, destitute, wanted to reform, conned people into letting him live with them and stole from them until they discovered what he was doing. By then, he was protected by the eviction statute. In one case, a former Marine who was conned by him lost all his winter wardrobe when the sneak left w/o notice and took the clothes with him.

So, best that you check with the police or as a LT attorney as to laws in your state. to determine what qualifies as a tenant and what living arrangement requires eviction, especially if as FF queries, the BF is paying any part of support for the home.

The support issue, especially if there's a mortgage on the home, could really complicate getting rid of the guy. You can check that though by going to the local register of deeds (or similar department) and doing a title search on the property. If you have the Sidwell no. (a property identification method), that would help.

Do you have any access to your mother's bank accounts to determine if each monthly mortgage payment was made by her?

On the other hand, when you're ready to give him the boot, and if he claims he has funds invested in the property, you can shift the obligation to support such a claim by advising him that HE will have to prove his claims by providing you with documentation - paid bills, checking account statements, etc.

This all assumes though that he's not a beneficiary in her will. Do you know if she's made any arrangements for him in this sense?

I feel badly for you and your mother; in perhaps the most challenging time of her life she's burdened (or at least I would think so) with this parasite. She needs support at this difficult time.
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Mymoms1gurl, how long as Mom and her partner been together? Has he been her primary caregiver? If there is a mortgage on the house, has he been paying into the mortgage, just to help out your Mom, money-wise?

Has he given any indication what will be his future plans? Unless he has been part of your Mom's life for a very short time, he may move on himself. if he has been with her for 5 years or more, he would feel like family.

Mom's Will, or even lack of Will, would need to go to Probate Court, unless Mom has all of her assets in a Trust. The boyfriend might be able to rent the house until the Probate Judge gives his final ruling, which could take quite some time. This is something you might want to run by an Elder Law Attorney to see what would be the best route to take.
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I don't know what kind of arrangement your mother has with her boyfriend (i.e., do they have a formal rental agreement?), and that would somewhat dictate a legal answer. You may want to consult with an attorney specializing in landlord-tenant matters, as based on my past law firm experience, even people living in a home for free have rights to notice and a specified set of days to leave the premises.
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