My mom is at the end of her days on hospice care and she still recognizes us. My brother sister and I and our families all live very close so one of us is there daily to visit her. I have gone almost daily. She lights up a bit when she sees her grandchildren walk in or even her best friend. It is hard for me to describe my relationship with my mom but it was the most beautiful love story. She and I have always been so close and I am 45 years old, however just recently she doesn't want me or my dad there. She won't hold my hand and she speaks very few words but has mustered the ability to tell me to "get out" twice and she looks at me with total anger and almost detest. She is only doing this with me and my Dad. I am heart broken and its making the end even worse. I don't want this to be what I remember. My loved ones are trying to justify that it is because we are the closest and also my Dad, her partner for 56 years, that it's too painful for her to leave us so she has to pull away. I haven't found anyone else who has experienced this. I want to honor my mom's wishes but has anyone experienced this first hand? I would be so thankful to hear any feedback or advice on how to get through this.
I think she simply does not want the two of you to see her pass. Is it possible to be in the room but out of her sight line?
Dad was by her side for her entire illness. In the end, she had severe dementia and was confused, unable to talk coherently, and on a lot of morphine. My brother drove for 2 days to be there for him, and took him out for a bite to eat. Dad waved and said "We'll be back soon!" My brother and I were there and she went about 10 minutes later.
Dad was devastated, but we explained to him that she loved him so much she didn't want him to be there when she died.
That's what your mother is likely trying to tell you - and/or she doesn't want you to remember her "like this". Tell her how much you love her and how she is your beautiful mother no matter what, and you'll remember all the times you had together.
My cousin was very ill with cancer. She was about to allow the doctors to put her in a medically induced coma and knew she would be on a ventilator, feeding tube and other wires and hoses and she knew there was a very good chance she was not going to live. Before she went under sedation, told her spouse and daughter that she did not want her mother allowed in the room to see her like that. She knew it would send her mother over the edge. Sadly, her mother DID see her in that state the night she passed and it was a horrible experience.
{{{{Hugs to You & Your Mom}}}}