My mom is in her early 70’s has always been financially savvy her entire life. She has been widowed since her early 50’s and was left a very comfortable life. I am a only child and she has never disclosed any of her finances to me, I respected her right to do so until recently.
Last year she started telling me she was going broke, at first I found this hard to believe, and brushed it off. My mother lives 10 hours from me. We talk often...but do not see each other much..our relationship can be complicated. After repeated I am broke comments and I need to sell my home..I paid her visit.
While I was visiting my mother, I noticed she had already packed up most of her belongings, the house and grounds very well taken care of. She told me (never showed me one bank account or any financial records) that she was completely broke except for her social security and a few credit cards that she was close to reaching her credit limit. I immediately became concerned, I asked to see these bills and bank accounts but she refused to show me..and accused me of implying she was lying. I stressed we need to sell her home immediately.. she has a lot of equity in it.. and stop this financial bleed. I offered to hire a house keeper and help her financially but I wanted to see her fiances and wanted the home listed ASAP.
She got very angry with me and we had the worst fight ever, she was not giving up any control..I became so frustrated I told her fine, do it your way, I am over this.
After I left, her house was suppose to be put up for sale every week, that was almost 7 months ago and now she wants me to send her money to continue to live there. I refused, stating I was willing to help you 7 months ago and you refused, currently there are some issues with my own home (roof leaking and water/mold damage)...and that extra money is being spent on costly repairs. I told her time to make some calls to her bank and list the property, all should be fine when it sells. She states she will list it..but not now, she borrowed money from her friend.
My mother has never in her life been financially ignorant.. ever. One of my mother’s best traits was her ability to manage money her entire life. I know she loves her home and does not want to come down in lifestyle, but I am afraid she is going to lose everything if she does not put the home up for sale...her home and property are quite costly to care for.
This is stressing me out, she is not incompetent however clearly depressed and in denial over her financial problems she acknowledges them but fails to act. I am beyond frustrated and am unable to support her. What can I do? She does not want my advice or input only my wallet..and that is not going to happen. She has never borrowed money from anyone her entire life..very proud..now all of sudden she borrows money..she can’t pay back and refuses to put her home up for sale? I don’t think she has dementia..and if she is truly depressed she will never seek treatment for..no making me feel guilty is more fun...she has now started lying about things..I am at my wits end!
I love her, I tried to help, we can not live together, and I am starting to become bitter at her for putting herself in this predicament and expecting me at some point to pay the price of her selfishness.