My mom is a compulsive gambler who owns her own business. She is very abusive verbally and constantly asking me for money. What do I do?

My suggestion? Go get help for yourself. Find a counselor that can help you deal with how you respond to this situation. If she is addicted to gambling, this is a very real problem. There are many types of addictions. I'm sorry about what happened with your father and that can have life long implications for how you deal with things, especially with the people you love. Please, help yourself as you can't save other people, even if it is your mother, no matter how much you want to or love them. And bailing them out of the negative consequences they have created is rarely helpful in the long run. For either of you. I hope you can find your way in this. And there is a better way.

I rescued a retired greyhound. The tracks in Florida are closing. I’m very happy about that.

Nothing morally wrong with recreational gambling but a gambling addiction is awful. Has your mom tried therapy? Maybe gambling anonymous isn’t a good fit for her. Encourage her to do therapy.

Jenn, maybe the two of you could do family therapy together. I hope it gets better for you soon. Hugs!

Evermore,

I am sorry that you are dealing with suicidal thoughts. No one wants to feel suicidal. There are some who will wrongly manipulate with threats of suicide but they don’t go through with it. Not the same thing. They are emotionally blackmailing others, which is an awful thing to do. Those with true suicidal thoughts aren’t trying to hurt others. Of course, it’s painful for the survivors but they weren’t intentionally targeted to be hurt. As many feel, a suicide attempt can be a cry for help.

Of course suicide isn’t selfish. Some people don’t understand the kind of pain that others are dealing with. I don’t know what the answer is to the darkest depression. I hope one day you will find peace.

I have lost family members, and friends to suicide and attempted suicide. I would never in a million years call them a coward or selfish.

I do know they were in tremendous pain that did not go away. I also know without a doubt that their suicide was not meant to hurt anyone else. They simply wanted the pain to end. They can’t feel anything else but their pain. Please know that I have the utmost compassion for you. In spite of what others believe it isn’t always a choice.

There is more light shed on this topic than in the past. More education is needed and many people have stepped forward to address issues related to suicide. Too many people care and I feel the issues will continue to be addressed publicly and we can hope others will learn compassion for those struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Sometimes it’s pain, mental illness, even physical illnesses, other times a person can become suicidal from psych drugs, etc. It’s not a black and white situation. There are lots of gray areas.

Overly religious people think a person will go to hell if they take their own life. I don’t believe that for a minute. The Jesus I believe in has mercy and compassion.

Sometimes it’s a cultural thing. I had a friend from Japan tell me rather than to shame their families, they do the honorable act of killing themselves. There is even a suicide forest in Japan where people go to commit suicide.

It’s an act of desperation because they see no other alternative. My uncle tried to commit suicide in the hospital by slicing his wrist and was damn angry that they saved his life. He suffered horribly with his cancer and knew he would not be cured. I understand that completely and told him I did. I never wanted him to feel shame about what he did. I wanted him to know he was loved.

Please know many people who have worked in the psychiatric field, those who work with suicide prevention, also work with survivors feel as I do. Some don’t agree and I suppose that is their right but the only thing it accomplishes is more hurt for the people suffering.

I am not directing this message towards anyone in particular, just in general how I feel about how suicide is viewed. Controversial, for sure.

So allow me to apologize for anyone who has hurt you, whether intentionally or not. I am sorry that you are hurting. I’m sure many others are as well. Take care, hugs!

She's not going to kill herself if you say no. She will take no for an answer if that's the only answer you give her. It sounds like she's been doing ok with having her own business but is letting things go because of gambling. I use to have a drug problem and someone told me if I wanted to quit using drugs just start gambling. I thought they had lost it but that first time you win even fairly big it's like a big hit on the crack pipe. Pretty soon all my money was going to gambling. I couldn't afford drugs anymore and it didn't take long until I lost my job. For me gambling was harder to quit than heroin. You're mom is jonesing for her next fix and like any other addict she will do what she can to get it. Addicts almost always extort money from family members. Pretty soon you're going to have to hide your purse and valuables when she comes over. Addicts usually always steal from family members too because they are less likely to call the police. You're mom has the same compulsions as any back Ally crack smoker. It affects the same area of the brain that drugs do and is just as hard to quit if not harder because it's legal and widely accepted as ok. If you don't day no it won't stop it will only get worse. She's more likely to kill herself after a big loss from the money you give her than doing it because you didn't give her money . If you know some friends and family that will help I'd say it's time for an intervention.

NeedHelpWithMom made a comment that reminded if you could notify the casinos of your mother's addiction. I know in my area the casinos will bar people with gambling addiction. The casinos may also have gambling addiction counselors -- or some type of support -- who may advise you.

That shock of being cut off from her gambling might be a way to get her into counseling.