My mom is 98 and has 24 hr care for last 3 years. She has gone so downhill. We can no longer deal with this. Any advice?


She is fixated on going the bathroom every few minutes 24 hrs a day. We can no longer deal with this and are losing caregivers one by one. She is up all night and never sleeps but a few nod offs in day. It is exhausting, insane and there seems to be no answer!

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I believe the rule of thumb is that if the lo needs more then 8 hours of in home care in a day, a nursing home is less expensive.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to GAinPA

It sounds like she needs either an Assisted Living or Memory Care facility. Memory Care someone will be available 24/7 and if she is up there will be someone to help her.
I also suggest that you talk to her doctor about the anti anxiety medications. Like all meds the first one tried may not work and you have to try another, then maybe another to find out what one will work.
She can not be getting good sleep nor are you.
Hospice can still come in if she is in Assisted Living or Memory Care.
Hospice usually will not have someone full time in an inpatient unit. Inpatient units are usually only for symptom management, respite, and if necessary EOL (end of life)..but the goal of Hospice is to have someone comfortable in their own home. So full time would still be in your home or in a facility that can best meet the needs she has. If she is on Hospice and you need a break, and it sounds like you might, you can arrange for the respite, they can get her calmed down and she could return home and things might be better at that point.
If not Hospice can probably arrange a much faster transfer to a facility. Possibly one you may have called already and were told there were no beds. When Hospice calls the facility knows that the duration will be shorter than with a regular resident.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Ask hospice if they can assist in admitting your Mom into a nursing home. If she stays in your home, you will still have the same problem--because you will still be the primary caregivers with hospice as secondary caregivers. You need to let someone else be the primary caregivers now--like the nursing staff at a nursing home. You may not want to do it, but I think that it would be the best for your Mom and for you.
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Reply to DeeAnna

My mom lived alone in Phila., we lived in NC, she lived alone until she was about 84 in her own senior citizen apartment. Time came when traveling to Phila. back and forward 3 or 4 times a year became to much for us. So we had to move her with us in NC. and eventually the management of the Senior Complex told us they were going to call us to let us know she was declining. Well, she moved with us, did she like it NO!!..she liked then noise and hustle and bustle of the city, where we live was lay back after all i was early 70's my husband 3 yrs we were senior as well. we kept her with until she became 91, she started to decline, her medical doctor told us sooner or later we would have to place her in a nursing home...DID WE WANT TO DO IT? NO!!! WE DID NOTTT... But, there comes a time when you or we were no longer able or capable of handling her situations, she began to fall out of her bed for no reason, i would wake up in the middle of the night to check on her, she would be on the floor, i would ask mom why didnt you call me when you fell, she did not remember falling out of the bed.. She began to get bruise on her, and you know when the elderly starts to get bruise the system will assume you are abusing your parent, she was afraid to take baths and didnt like showers. We got care giver to come to our home, some she liked, some she didnt. other things started to happen to her and with her, that we just didnt know what to do or how to handle... Soon WE HAD to place her in a nursing home...again DID WE WANT TO?? NO!!! BUT WE HAD TOO.. because it began to take a toll on us as we were getting older as well..

Yes, it may feel like a guilt to you, however, dont let it, you LOVE YOUR MOM, WE LOVED OUR MOM, but we had to do what we had to do.. Just suppose the toll would have taken effect on you, then who and what would have happened to mom, if you are not in your place or have died even before her..Please, dont feel guilt, you have to do what you have to do to make sure your parent is comfortable, cared for properly, 24 hours care etc etc..But make sure if you decide to place her in a Nursing Home, go to several and check them out, ask to visit the areas where the senior are, see what they look like, how do they appear to you, are they sad, are they happy, please observe how the staff is treating the seniors...

We search nursing home and some of them, i would not have stayed in, and if i didnt want to stay there, i sure didnt want my mom to stay...However, the Lord bless my mom to be place in a Nursing Home where the Wealthy was, tho she was on Medicare, they had a place there for Medicare Patients.. My mom was treated top of the line, same as the wealth, ate chef cook food, she had a problem with the way one of the nurses treated her and was afraid to tell me but i found out..

When this happens, dont go to the senior nurse, dont go to the social service part of the Nursing Home ask to speak to the DIRECTOR OF THAT NURSING HOME DIRECTLY!!!! which is what I did.. Aint had no more problem...didnt mean to right you a novel, but was tryna to help you out a little bit :) we are their children do get BURNED OUT from caring and taking care of our parents...will be Praying for you that God will lead you and guide you in your decision.. :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to bettyboop77

I'm sorry for your frustration. I'm assuming you already checked to make sure she doesn't have a UTI? Unfortunately if you have tried various medications and such, hospice may be the best answer for you and your mom. I say unfortunately but hospice is a life saver for many people and they certainly have what is best for both of you in mind. I would definitely look into it. Best of luck.
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Reply to Caregiverology

We have tried sedatives, antidepressants nothing works. It is now 5:45 am and she did not sleep one wink nor did I. We are looking into hospice. We can't do this anymore nor can we subject caregivers to this.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Worntoafrazzle

This is terribly sad. You can't handle this alone, and it sounds like hired caregivers can't handle it, either.

I assume you've discussed this with her doctor. Would a sedative help her at least sleep for a while each day? Would she benefit from anxiety medication?

Is she eligible for hospice at this time? Their whole focus is on keeping patients comfortable.
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Reply to jeannegibbs