My mom internalizes all her pain, husband's suicide, horrible childhood, estrangement from adult sons, etc. I personally feel that crying would help her take away a lot of her pain and give her "relief". She tells me she just can't cry and has never been able to. Anyone out there know anything about this? Any ideas on how to let her cry rather then yell and scream when she is thinking about all the bad stuff that has happened to her?
Thanks for any help and/or suggestions...

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My Mom doesn't cry much either and she is 80 yrs and sound similar to what your 96 yr old mom has been through. After living with her 24/7 for the past 10 months I am beginning to understand why she doesn't and when she does now (over loss of precious furbaby) it is so sad to witness an old person cry. Saddest thing. I would almost rather take the angry mom over that. I cry easily and that is me.
Let your Mom be. And besides, she may cry when you don't see her crying.
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My mom is not a crier. I have only seen her cry a few times in my life and it wasn’t easy for her. My mom was the ‘rock’ of the family!

My grandma, her mom wasn’t a crier. My grandma was so lovely but an extremely strong, independent woman. One memory that I have of her is sitting next to her beautiful ‘old fashioned’ record player, telling me about the rebellion of the 1920’s while listening to the phenomenal early jazz!

My grandfather was old fashioned but he loved the traditional music they would ‘waltz’ to. Quite a different perspective, right? Yet, they respected and adored each other. I actually learned a lot from my grandparents.

That generation of women were awesome in many ways. We owe the right to vote to them! I heard wonderful stories from grandma about it, along with shorter hemlines, bobbed hair, jazz music, etc!

So any of you that have grandkids, please don’t ever take this responsibility lightly. Your grandchildren hear everything that you say, and remember it.

I don’t have grandkids but I think about it. I would want to pass on wisdom to them and love them to pieces. I do have a darling grand puppy who doesn’t know he’s a dog! Hahaha

For some it isn’t necessary to cry. I vote with MidKid on this one. Let her be. This is who she is.

Crying is very personal. Sometimes I have cried a river. It can be healing. Other times it didn’t make me feel any better, even worse. So there is no ‘right or wrong method’ in my opinion. Other times I am dry, just going through the motions and can’t cry. You can’t force it. Know what I mean?

A person shouldn’t feel as if they have something wrong for how they respond. I know you don’t mean it that way. I think you are very caring to be concerned about her not crying but I don’t think it’s that alarming. Had she been a ‘crier’, then suddenly stopped, then it would be a change in character. She is being true to herself and at her age can you really expect anything else?
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Locking down her emotions is how she learned to survive. She also came up in an era where people didn’t talk about their problems or get help. And she has buried her pain and feelings so much, she feels numb to everything now. She is not capable of experiencing any feelings to release. She isn’t going to change or adapt to a new way of coping.

My mother is similar. She cries, but learned to hide pain with denial. The whole world could blow up and she’d just ignore it and “Everything’s fine!”.
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Some people don't cry. My older sister doesn't. Did a LOT as a teenager, probably too much--then after she got married and had kids--she did go through a period of severe depression and she had ECT. Hasn't cried since.

My mother also does not cry. I told her I had cancer a couple months ago and she just looked at me and said "Well, your dad will glad to see you".

At 96, let her be her. Maybe stuff was so bad, she just locked it away. Why pick that lock?
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 13, 2019
What is ECT?
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I doubt she will change at 96!
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