My brother is POA & wants a reverse mortgage to cover the cost. My Mom is in better health than my dad was, I see the funds running out in 3 years & I think my mom will outlive the funds provided by the reverse mortgage. I’m totally against the reverse mortgage & think selling the house & going to assisted living would extend her time of care. My brother took her to her doctor & the doctor wrote in his report that moving from her home would be physically & emotionally detrimental to her health. She says she does not want to live anyplace else but I don’t think she understands the possible impact. I don’t think I have any say in this & I am worried about her future.

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Your mom is going to decline sooner rather than later. She'd be better off in assisted living where she'd have the health care she requires. Her doctor should stay out of that decision. Did you actually see the doctor's report or did your brother or mom tell you that's what he wrote?

If your mom stays at home and you or brother have the idea of hiring home health care with money from that reverse mortgage, you have no idea what you're getting into. Unreliable caregivers who don't show up, people in and out of the house at all hours (because 24/7 care requires that), or a live-in who gets paid for 24 hours even if she is sleeping. Then you'll need relief caregivers, bringing the count up to three caregivers in all. It's very hard on the patient as well as the family that has to supervise all this movement. Plus cleaners, food shopping, cooking for all these people, visitors, making sure the medicines arrive, planning so hospice people get scheduled, as well as OT or PT and clergy. This is not some sweet family fantasy where all are gathered around gently fading mom's bed holding her hand and assuring her that she is loved. It's a harried, confusing, exhausting and difficult venture. Which is why care in a facility with professionals is so much better.

Reverse mortgages are generally not a good idea. People don't understand them very well. All they know is that they get a lump of money, tra la la. It can eventually be a rude awakening. Mom's house will need to be sold anyway. Get it over with so mom can be in a place where she has the care, socialization and recreation she needs.

As your brother is POA, you don't have much to say about this. He'll do what he wants. You may have to fade out of the picture and let him screw things up on his own. Advice: Fade out totally. Don't do a bunch of caregiving work, and DO NOT ever take mom into your own home. That's not your job.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Fawnby

Maybe it’s a controversial topic, but I nearly always find reverse mortgages to be a bad idea. The fine print is full of pitfalls. And I think mom’s doctor writing such a statement is way out his lane
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Reply to Daughterof1930

DJtech, I don't think your brother realizes that a Reverse Mortgage is a "loan" that would need to be paid back, along with a higher than normal interest rate and fees. That means your Mom would need to sell her house to pay back on the Reverse Mortgage.

If sadly your Mom should pass, or move out of her house before the Reverse Mortgage loan is used up, then the loan is payable right away. Anyway that is what the rules were a few years back, some rules may have changed.

My Dad sold his house, put the equity into a safe fund where he was getting interest, and used the fund to pay for Independent Senior living. He said he wished he would have moved years earlier. Then later down the road, he moved within the same senior living into "Memory Care".
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to freqflyer

Many on this site are familiar with reverse mortgages... they can be complicated and cause problems when you least need more to deal with. Your brother needs to go into things with his eyes wide open. Whatever people respond here about the reverse mortgage be sure to show him so he can make an informed decision.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777

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