My mom is 90 and has dementia. She has begun refusing to eat. Should we force her to eat?

My dad is also 90 and is refusing to eat. From what I’ve read it is his organs shutting down and not requiring nutrition anymore. We will not be putting a feeding tube in. He has had a good long life and would be devastated if he knew we tried to prolong his journey with dementia. We have Hospice taking over his care. He’s off all of his meds. He refused them also. We are putting everything in God’s hands. Bless you in your journey.

My mother ate virtually nothing for the last seven months of her life. She lived on a couple of Ensure milkshakes each day until she stopped wanting them, too. Some days she'd have nothing, some days she'd have anywhere from one to three shakes.

Never force someone to eat. Try to determine the cause, then offer alternatives like the shakes if doctor-prescribed.

Watch out, too, because those shakes have a TON of sugar in them. My mother developed gout about four months into her Ensure habit. We switched her to a low-sugar version.

Why would you want to force your mother to eat? Of course she has 'a right' not to eat. I always think about 'what would I want for myself' in a similar situation? Would I want my life extended if I was 90, not hungry and suffering from dementia? No, I would not. I would want to pass as quickly and painlessly as possible, is what I would want to do. Please tell your caregiver to stop making your mother eat and to simply offer her food instead. An Ensure or a Boost is another option, or a homemade milkshake is something few people would be able to refuse.

Dementia is a terminal illness. If you have not had a hospice evaluation for your mom yet, now is probably a good time to have one scheduled. Ask her PCP to write an order.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

Don’t force her to eat.

Please don’t force feed her. Get a good medical evaluation, that may give you some insight. Put food in front of regularly and let her choose. Guard mostly for dehydration, which is awful

First - investigate WHY she doesn't want to in case there is a physical problem that can be fixed: stomach or bowel problems? toothaches? difficulty chewing and swallowing (dysphagia), ?

My mom lost her appetite and the desire to eat many years before her death and I struggled with the same moral dilemma. I decided I would never, ever force her to eat, but I figured that as long as she willingly opened her mouth to accept food she wasn't being forced, she was being assisted. Before she completely lost the ability my mom also often willingly picked up and ate snacks and finger foods if I set them within her reach.