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He is disabled and cannot work. He has other health issues also and it is becoming a burden for him to care for her. I am divorced and work full time and I cant afford not to work. Im trying to figure a way I can take her in and care for her but she isnt good to be left alone. I would have to pay for care (not cheap) or quit my job. Her SS would be the only income. I just have no idea what to do. Is it time for a home? she has some savings but no other assets so not even sure thats an option. I am 54 so may be difficult to reenter work force if needed. My thought live off her SS and our combined savings. But if savings gets depleted, and nursing home is needed later it may not be an option. Any advice??

Candee, you should gather all the financial information and file a complaint with APS for financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior. They should know that they can not just take her money without repercussions.

Have you had an honest talk with your employer? I can't imagine that you would be fired if you have a set time for resolving the living arrangements for your mom.

Maybe you could find a college student that needs to earn some extra cash to help you work part time.

I know that this feels huge and you feel like you don't have any choices or options but, you do. You have to think outside of the box and ask lots of questions, stay in communication with your employer and remember to breathe.

You can do this!
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candeelyn Jun 15, 2021
Thank you! I have made attempts to contact my employer and have gotten no response. But they are aware of what’s going on. So fingers crossed. My local office of aging says probably nothing can be done about the money because she gave them her bank card.! No she didn’t have a choice in her state of mind. And they definitely abused it. Good idea about finding someone to stay with her. Thank you
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Candee,
Can you take two weeks FMLA to protect your job?
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candeelyn Jun 15, 2021
No unfortunately I’d have to be at my job a year before I can get that. It’s only been 10 months :(
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Candeelyn, can I recommend that you ask how you get this information emailed to you.

They are busy and I played phone tag here as well. I would leave messages that asked for specific information to be emailed and I would answer my phone, no matter where I was. You can tell your boss and they will probably be cooperative with you answering your phone at work.

Another resource is the social workers at rehabilitation facilities. They will talk to you and tell you what to search for to find these senior placement agents.

Things are opening up, so breathe and stay calm. This will all get sorted out without you having to forsake your life.

Maybe take mom on your days off to help ease the burden for your brother until you can get a facility or whatever else is available in your area.
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candeelyn Jun 11, 2021
Thank you! At this point now I have her. My brother forced me to get her. I love and am more then wiling to take care of her. But I’m missing work and my job is not promised . A memory care place will take her but have to wait two more weeks for Covid shot/ test. Probably no job by then. Oh and going through her financial stuff, they have abused her money . Badly. What do I do now?
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You can not count on Medicaid for in home help. They only allow so many hours a week. Hiring can be a headache.

Here's what I did. Mom had not quite 20k. In my State Medicaid allows 90 days from application to getting info needed and placing the person. I started the application in April, Mom was placed in a NH May 1st with her paying privately for May and June. I confirmed in June that Medicaid had everything they needed and Medicaid started paying July 1st.

If Moms savings is enough to get her in a NH for a few months I would do that to spend down her money and apply for Medicaid.
If her savings is small, Medicaid will allow to prepay for a funeral.
You need to find out what the monthly income cap is in your State. My state its a little over 2300. Some States allow for a Miller trust which any overage can be placed into.

Just the basics but it gives u an idea.
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candeelyn May 30, 2021
Great info snd advice. Thank you !
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I like the suggestions you’ve gotten from Real and Alva.

What will become of brother? When you speak with AAA you might see if there are services to help him out as well.

Often two folks needing help compliment one another’s abilities. So I’m sure he will miss having her in his home. Meals on Wheels or community Medicaid might offer him solutions that will allow him to live at home longer.

Here is a link for your area.

https://lancoaging.org/
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candeelyn May 30, 2021
He is married. He is still fine too get around and do things. He has heart issues and the stress with mom effects his blood pressure..
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I agree absolutely with RealyReal's advice to you. Please don't spend your own funds; it has to be clear to you at this time how very much you will need them for yourself in your own elder years; it takes a lifetime of savings to be solidly comfortable and secure to care for yourself in future. I surely wish you the best.
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candeelyn May 30, 2021
Thank you !
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Whatever you do, please do not quit and use your savings. You will regret that decision for the rest of your life. It takes away so many of your choices. It will lower your SS and retirement options.

My dad only had SS and he was 14.00 over the limit for receiving assistance. I was freaking out! I found a board and care home that he could afford. Because he could not afford a big facility and he wouldn't have utilized the amenities that cause such high rates.

He had to share a room and he was just fine. He actually loved his roommates and they became buddies, he had 2 different ones over the year. It worked out far better than I could have ever hoped for.

The local area on aging can give you resources for finding board and care homes in her area, or yours, wherever you want to have her. I think that they are called senior specialists and they will help you find a place that can meet her needs and that she can afford. The facility pays them a commission for placement, so it is a free service for you. I told them that he could afford several hundred dollars monthly less than he really could, they came back several hundred higher, so I recommend low balling or they will go higher than she can afford. It is a profitable business that makes them more the more you pay monthly. So beware of that, people will try to guilt you into paying the difference for her and you can not do that.

I actually had 2 looking for my dad, they each worked with different areas of town and I wanted to know what the prices were and services for each.

When I found the place that was financially the best option, I asked for and received a discount. Doesn't hurt to ask.

One other benefit was that he could age in place, unless he needed serious medical care and that was really important for me, I didn't want to have to keep uprooting him if his needs increased.

Please do not forsake your own wellbeing now or future, you have other options.
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candeelyn May 30, 2021
Thank you for the advice! The issue we are having is with this pandemic , our local aaa is closed. They have an operator to answer calls, take info, direct the info to correct department and wait for a call back. So been playing phone tag with them for months. :(
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