I took care of my 93 year old mom for 5 years. It also became overwhelming and stressful for my family. I made the decision to place her in an assisted living facility. She has been there 5 weeks and is adjusting. There are certainly still some things to figure out but my life is better. I am not as stressed. I visit every day and those visits are more mother/daughter visits than my constant caregiving task driven efforts. I will tell you that it was incredibly hard to do. I have never been so emotional. Once through the transition, you will find a good balance for you, your family and your mom. Best of luck to you.
It should help in your decision making (and level of self-induced guilt) that your husband and marriage has priority over your mom. Does she qualify for LTC, seeing that she has vision and mobility issues? Medicaid will pay for that if she also qualifes financially.
You don't have to tell her you're researching places. Only take her to the one you think is the best choice. My MIL is in a very nice place, on a lake, in her own private room on Medicaid. They treat her royally good. She enjoys that it's far more social than being isolated and cloistered in her home.
Eventually your mom will need more care than you can realistically give her, no matter if you wanted to provide it personally in your home or not. No sense in waiting for a crisis to try and get her into a good care facility. You will need to figure out the financial piece and what type of are she'll need. All will take a little time. Wishing you success in transitioning her and reclaiming your life!
You’ve reached out here because you know this level of caregiving has become too much to sustain on your own. Please don’t choose to lose your own health or relationships to continue in this role. Time for an honest family discussion and looking into alternative living arrangements for mom. She’ll have her daughter back as a rested, unstressed caregiver who oversees her care rather than one who provides it around the clock. I wish you the best
So now is the time to think about alternative care options for mom, before your marriage is destroyed and/or your health is destroyed trying to care for her!! How about Assisted Living? My mother thrived in AL for a good long time before she had to go into Memory Care. She had a full life in AL with all the activities and other elders to hob-nob with all day long!
Look into it BEFORE you break down and/or before the relationship with mom is harmed beyond repair. Oftentimes, AL can save your marriage, your life AND your relationship with your mom, all at the same time. Please don't allow 'guilt' to creep into the decision making process, either. 3 years is a very long time to have devoted to in home care. My hat is off to you for all you've done for your mom.
You don't have to tell her you're researching places. Only take her to the one you think is the best choice. My MIL is in a very nice place, on a lake, in her own private room on Medicaid. They treat her royally good. She enjoys that it's far more social than being isolated and cloistered in her home.
Eventually your mom will need more care than you can realistically give her, no matter if you wanted to provide it personally in your home or not. No sense in waiting for a crisis to try and get her into a good care facility. You will need to figure out the financial piece and what type of are she'll need. All will take a little time. Wishing you success in transitioning her and reclaiming your life!
Look into it BEFORE you break down and/or before the relationship with mom is harmed beyond repair. Oftentimes, AL can save your marriage, your life AND your relationship with your mom, all at the same time. Please don't allow 'guilt' to creep into the decision making process, either. 3 years is a very long time to have devoted to in home care. My hat is off to you for all you've done for your mom.
GOOD LUCK!