"You" haven't taken anything away from mom, dementia took it all away from her. All you've done is kept her safe.
If mom has vascular dementia, there's about a 5 year life span to it. So folks decline rather rapidly with it. My own mother went from a vibrant and feisty woman to wheelchair bound and very confused after a bout with pneumonia and rehab which sent her into Memory Care. She became agitated and insistent on "riding the subway" to see mama and papa and then accusing me of locking her siblings in the closet. It's the nature of dementia's progression, nothing more. She got great care in MC and stimulating activities too. It's the DEMENTIA that ravages them quickly. Which is fortunate in a way because who wants a prolonged life like this? It's sad and horrible for us to witness, too. I never left moms suite w/o crying on the ride home.
Hugs and prayers sent out to you, from one who understands.
It is common in decline, but so difficult to watch. My husband much younger than your mother but with Parkinson’s disease progressing so fast right now it makes me very sad. And he was in good shape until several weeks ago or 2-3 months. He is in advanced stage of disease, eating less, sleeping more, choking, coughing, low blood pressure, so many symptoms. Not even able to exercise anymore for over 2 months. I am rather surprised he is in fairly positive mood even with lots of pain in arms, legs, back. But for the first time talks about dying.
So sorry to hear about your husband. My husband had Parkinson's and "fortunately" passed away suddenly from a devastating stroke (age 84) two years ago, before he was in as rough shape as your husband seems to be. He was having some swallowing difficulties and was losing a lot of weight, becoming more and more frail, but at least no pain and he was still able to get around with his rollator. Sending good vibes your way.
Its the desease. It ages people. I have my Moms drivers license before Dementia. Our State they are every 4 years but one time they allowed you to use the previous picture. So not surevif its 4 years or 8 between her license and ID. But the change is drastic even in 8 years. My Mom was so frail looking and in a WC.
Moms brain is dying. Some it dies faster than others. A big decline can happen overnight. Yes, its normal.
This is common of the decline. Is mom on Hospice? Hospice will be another set of eyes on her. Hospice will provide all the supplies she needs, briefs, ointments, gloves, medications. A Nurse will see her once a week, a CNA will be the one giving her a bath or shower. (the facility will not duplicate what Hospice does for example if the facility gives he a shower 2 times a week they will discontinue doing that and Hospice will do it) Mom may need her food pureed, liquids and thin foods thickened. And at some point she will stop eating and drinking. This is common, this is normal and it is one of the steps the body takes when it starts to shut down.
Yes, she is on hospice and they are wonderful. I am so appreciative to all the answers. They just are so supportive and validate our sadness, fears and even acceptance. Thank you all:) (we truly are in this together)
I know I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what happened with my own mother who went from perfectly fine to mostly dependent in the blink of an eye - I think there can be a tipping point where people seem to be functioning well but they are actually becoming incrementally weaker and frailer and then boom, they fall off the edge and everything changes.
You are a 67 year old retired RN. I am guessing your mother, whose age I cannot find in your profile or here, must be 87. Yes, this is normal for the late 80s for many people. Some few make it into their 90s still active with some disabilities, but doing well overall.
Only your mother's medical team can let you know what conditions she has that are leading to less mobility, but in many cases it is a simple matter of the brain's loss of abilities to balance well. You know this as an RN.
You mention in your profile that at 67 you and your husband would like to spend some time doing things you have long hoped to do. Please do so now, while you yourselves are well. You also mention guilt. You didn't cause this and you can't fix this, and not everything CAN be fixed. So guilt is a very inappropriate emotion; you should concentrate on what you are really feeling which is grief. You feel grief that your mother is suffering the losses of aging, and that you are witnessing these losses and are powerless to stop or prevent them. I hope, when your mother passes, you feel some relief that her struggle is over and that yours in bearing witness is, as well.
I know that, as an RN, you recognize the truth of what I am telling you. My daughter is 62. Her hubby is 69. It would shatter me to think that they, in some of the most free years of their lives, having raised a child, but with both still having living mothers, would WASTE these years in thought of their mothers. WE HAVE HAD OUR LIVES. THEY deserve their lives now. So do you.
Yes, absolutely. I'm 87 and feel my losses every day, but it is what it is. They are MY losses brought on by old age for which I've prepared as best I can. I sincerely hope that I accomplish my Final Exit before I "fall off the edge" but there are no guarantees.
There is no normal. You’ll never know what may have happened if mom had stayed at home, perhaps crushing isolation that caused a sharper mental decline, perhaps a fall breaking bones, perhaps an accident that ended her life. The possibilities either way are endless. What is true is she’s an advanced age with multiple health issues, the decline is ongoing no matter what, and it’s definitely so very hard to watch. From your profile info, it sounds like whatever “happy” was for mom is now over. That’s common as age and health issues pile on. Please don’t let fear of what may occur rule your life. Mom is being cared for, be her advocate, but also live your life, take a vacation. If something happens when you’re away, it would have happened anyway, and being there wouldn’t change a thing. I wish you peace
If mom has vascular dementia, there's about a 5 year life span to it. So folks decline rather rapidly with it. My own mother went from a vibrant and feisty woman to wheelchair bound and very confused after a bout with pneumonia and rehab which sent her into Memory Care. She became agitated and insistent on "riding the subway" to see mama and papa and then accusing me of locking her siblings in the closet. It's the nature of dementia's progression, nothing more. She got great care in MC and stimulating activities too. It's the DEMENTIA that ravages them quickly. Which is fortunate in a way because who wants a prolonged life like this? It's sad and horrible for us to witness, too. I never left moms suite w/o crying on the ride home.
Hugs and prayers sent out to you, from one who understands.
My husband much younger than your mother but with Parkinson’s disease progressing so fast right now it makes me very sad.
And he was in good shape until several weeks ago or 2-3 months.
He is in advanced stage of disease, eating less, sleeping more, choking, coughing, low blood pressure, so many symptoms.
Not even able to exercise anymore for over 2 months.
I am rather surprised he is in fairly positive mood even with lots of pain in arms, legs, back.
But for the first time talks about dying.
Moms brain is dying. Some it dies faster than others. A big decline can happen overnight. Yes, its normal.
Is mom on Hospice?
Hospice will be another set of eyes on her. Hospice will provide all the supplies she needs, briefs, ointments, gloves, medications. A Nurse will see her once a week, a CNA will be the one giving her a bath or shower. (the facility will not duplicate what Hospice does for example if the facility gives he a shower 2 times a week they will discontinue doing that and Hospice will do it)
Mom may need her food pureed, liquids and thin foods thickened. And at some point she will stop eating and drinking. This is common, this is normal and it is one of the steps the body takes when it starts to shut down.
Yes, this is normal for the late 80s for many people. Some few make it into their 90s still active with some disabilities, but doing well overall.
Only your mother's medical team can let you know what conditions she has that are leading to less mobility, but in many cases it is a simple matter of the brain's loss of abilities to balance well. You know this as an RN.
You mention in your profile that at 67 you and your husband would like to spend some time doing things you have long hoped to do. Please do so now, while you yourselves are well.
You also mention guilt. You didn't cause this and you can't fix this, and not everything CAN be fixed. So guilt is a very inappropriate emotion; you should concentrate on what you are really feeling which is grief. You feel grief that your mother is suffering the losses of aging, and that you are witnessing these losses and are powerless to stop or prevent them.
I hope, when your mother passes, you feel some relief that her struggle is over and that yours in bearing witness is, as well.
I know that, as an RN, you recognize the truth of what I am telling you.
My daughter is 62. Her hubby is 69. It would shatter me to think that they, in some of the most free years of their lives, having raised a child, but with both still having living mothers, would WASTE these years in thought of their mothers. WE HAVE HAD OUR LIVES. THEY deserve their lives now. So do you.